To despise picky eaters?

[Brownoliveskincurlyblackhair]

If you have an allergy or religious reasons not to eat something, fine obviously but grown adults who 'don't eat' something absolutely irk me beyond words. My MIL looked horrified earlier when I said I was making chicken as a part of a weekend spread because SIL 'doesn't eat it'. I have accommodated for SIL but honestly, I was bought up that you get what you're given and eat what's infront of you. It's terrible manners is it not?

Yabu - hosts should cater for preferences
Yanbu - it's rude

Who's taking it personally? Not me!

I'm a member of your club if you let someone in who also likes liquorice?

I used to think that until I had an ND child. Who is fussy.

Now I’m more accommodating.

This is you making my eating disorder all about you.

You are stating that I should disclose something that causes me a great deal of stress and anxiety because you can’t bear the fact that someone doesn’t want to eat your food.

I wouldn’t accept an invitation to eat at your house.

And my solution is that you accept that I don’t want to eat your food and you don’t take it personally.

I think she’s saying that they had always eaten her chicken before but all the sudden don’t like it and the MIL is expecting her to change her original plans bc she wants something different. Like it’s all the sudden a she now expected to now make something else and she’s using her DIL as a support for what she wants when they have always eaten the chicken before. I think I would say to your MIL that that’s fine but ask her to provide the different thing she wants and she can contribute that to her array of food being offered. That’s what I’m getting from this thread.i could be wrong. Make it your MIL problem as it was never a problem before and that it seems what MIL and SIL want and they think that their wishes should be catered to even if it causes problems for others bc they feel somehow entitled to think only of themselves.

As I said If proposed invitation is something that is not pleasurable then, the standard and accepted thing to do is decline and counter-offer. so all good.

But no-one can make your eating disorder about themselves if… they don’t know you have it, and have no way of differentiating your disgust at the food they’ve prepared being about an ED they don’t know about, with your disgust being to how it was prepared by the host. Can you not see how it is completely unfair on a host to do that?

Are you smoker or have no tastebuds?
Lots will literally throw up if they are made to eat what they don’t like.

Do you think you might be arsed to tell me that before I had gone to the expense and effort of preparing it for you? Or am I not worthy of that respect and politeness, because to be honest, so far I am definitely hearing “No, I don’t extend that courtesy to anyone, and fuck anyone who thinks they are worth being told before they have served up the food”

You and the OP are made for each other.

If there’s something you don’t eat, you need to tell the host, they are doing the rest of the work - but this bit is on you. You also offer to bring something if that’s helpful.

HTH

I very much doubt that PP gets many invitations.

They literally won’t

Me too

The thing is, other people have feelings too. You aren't the only person who has emotions worthy of consideration.

And it's more complex than 'someone doesn't want to eat your food'. If someone doesn't want to eat my food, fine, decline the invite. I have Orthodox Jewish friends who won't eat food I've cooked, but I know what they will eat (things they've brought, fruit, etc) - and I'm fine with that, they can visit for the day or even stay overnight and we all know where we stand.

But if I invited someone to eat at my house, and they they came and then, without warning, they didn't eat anything (unless it was a big party with lots of people milling about so it wasn't completely obvious), I would feel... confused, upset, irritated, I'd ask if there was anything you'd like, I'd feel rebuffed, I'd look at the food I cooked for you and wonder what was wrong with it (I'm a good cook). I'd also wonder why the fuck you hadn't told me that you had a long list of food issues when you accepted the invite.

Not everyone is going to understand that ARFID is a thing (I didn't know before I read this thread, and unless I encounter it again within the next six months I'll probably forget it).

So if someone doesn't know about or understand ARFID, and has gone to the effort and expense of planning the menu, working out the quantities for X people, buying the food, preparing it, setting the table, cleaning the house, and all the other hassle that goes with having people to dinner, and there is someone who has come to dinner, and who eats nothing, then they're justified in wondering if mind games are being played, or worrying that their food is gross. And being anxious that they have a guest who is clearly unhappy, and feeling guilty about it.

They're going to be baffled and pissed off by the end of the evening.

My sister in law only eats chicken and potato (I know!). I am allergic to chicken and dont normally cook it. But when she comes to a family get together, I buy chicken especially for her. Easy.

I’ve got autism. I wouldn’t eat something just to please you dear. There’s a whole host of reasons someone may not eat a certain food - not just allergies or religion. Dear God, I think you’re the petty one here. Life really is too short to get upset with something as arbitrary as this that doesn’t even affect your life in any way.

oh I won't say lots but some of us literally will.

This thread is so weird. The OP has made it very clear that there is a range of food available which the SIL eats. I'm pescetarian and I can't imagine making a fuss about a spread which includes things I can and can't eat! That would be ridiculous.

However, I do hate when I'm visiting someone and they serve the food on the plate so I can't choose what I have more or less of. I don't often like sauces (gravy, mayonnaise, and most salad dressing) and it is annoying when someone just puts those things on my plate without asking.

So op then wouldn’t make something specific just to please you ‘dear’ (urgh btw) and everyone would be happy, only maybe not you because you would be hungry having not told your host what your food preferences are prior to her organising the meal.

The world does not revolve around you.

i wouldn’t display disgust. I would say ‘no thank you’ to food I was offered. I’d be polite but I wouldn’t necessarily want to disclose a personal medical issue.
Why isn’t that enough?

I’d say please don’t cook for me.

I have Audhd. If I try to eat something I loathe there is a fair chance I will bring it straight back up again. I think it’s better for involved if I just say,
”I’m terribly sorry, I don’t eat, xyz, I will just have nothing / the vegetable side dish / whatever”

(If invited for dinner I would however let the host know that I am a bit of a nightmare, and also let them know what things I can’t eat. If they still choose to serve them, well so be it. I just won’t be eating it)

I will. So will my DD. And best pal. We are also autistic, so I guess there’s probably a link?🔗

When my MIL was little, she had a pet chicken. Her father killed it in anger (he was abusive). She has refused to eat chicken since. She may like the taste but refuses to eat it for the love of the bird. The rest of us will order chicken at restaurants in her presence but don't take it to her house.