To despise picky eaters?

[Brownoliveskincurlyblackhair]

If you have an allergy or religious reasons not to eat something, fine obviously but grown adults who 'don't eat' something absolutely irk me beyond words. My MIL looked horrified earlier when I said I was making chicken as a part of a weekend spread because SIL 'doesn't eat it'. I have accommodated for SIL but honestly, I was bought up that you get what you're given and eat what's infront of you. It's terrible manners is it not?

Yabu - hosts should cater for preferences
Yanbu - it's rude

Surely if someone invites you to dinner a conversation is had about anything you don’t like? I couldn’t imagine inviting someone to dinner and not asking if there’s anything they didn’t want served.

It's common now but it never used to be. Definitely not when I was a child staying with friends.

Firstly, OP clearly said that she is ok with people having preferences for religious, health etc reasons - so vegetarians are fine, it makes sense and its reasonable to accommodate it.

Its grown up who dislike some foods for no reason at all, and expect everyone to accommodate their whims. You are not 3! I knew someone who would not eat vegetables, for example - because "they are gross". Ok, dont eat them but I'm still serving them and I'm not interested in you announcing it and pulling a face at the dinner table.

The ‘eat it up and shut up’ attitude is such a sad way to raise kids. This sort of thing leads to disordered eating. Having to force something down while hating it is awful. Everyone has likes and dislikes, it’s not fussy it’s part of human nature.
to ‘despise’ fussy eaters in such a way makes me wonder how you were raised with regards to food.

Rage bait post

Nope, she said “allergy or religious reasons”

If you have an allergy or religious reasons not to eat something, fine

No mention of health, or etc. or even ethical reasons.

i am vegetarian purely from preference. I “don’t eat” meat. I don’t like the smell, the taste, the texture. It makes me feel like crap.

so not much different from o/p’s sil who simply doesn’t eat chicken.

it’s not unheard of for me to be given meat when invited for dinner either. “But you’ll like this lamb, just try it”. Or fish, because vegetarians eat fish.

Lost count of the times I’ve sat moving food around a plate pretending to eat from politeness. I don’t eat at other people’s houses now.

Gosh the OP wouldn't cope with my family with a vegan, a gluten free, a vegetarian someone (me) allergic to onions, and a cows milk allergy!
However we have great family get together and I make sure everyone is catered for!
If I go to a function and the food is laced with onions I just don't eat it but don't make a song and dance about it which is only polite.

I’m a picky eater. I’ve got no allergies, but there’s certain foods that I won’t eat because the smell or texture of them makes me feel nauseous.

I don’t know for sure whether those foods would actually make me vomit, but if the smell or texture alone makes my stomach turn, I’m not putting them in my mouth regardless of whether the host might think I’m rude if I don’t clear the plate.

The range of foods I will eat is much greater now than when I was a child, but it’s been a slow process, and people making assumptions that the picky eating is just about me being awkward or demanding for the sake of it doesn’t help.

Also I’ve never made a song and dance about it if I go somewhere and people do serve me food I can’t eat. I’ll eat the bits I can cope with eating and just sort of push the rest around for a while before pretending I’m too full to finish the plate.

It's the opposite for me. The really picky eaters I know are all overweight. Unsurprisingly because they live on chips, nuggets and bread and don't eat any fruit or vegetables.

I will say what I always say on these threads.

My DS2, due to a genetic condition, was tube fed until he was 5. If you met him now there would be no reason to realise that this might be the case - he is completely “normal” in looks and behaviour.

But, because of the tube feeding, he missed all the vital development stage at 6-18 months old of putting everything in his mouth and trying new foods.

As a result he struggles hugely with eating, both taste and texture and has an extremely limited diet.

It’s not fun for us, it’s not fun for him. It’s been extremely difficult, and still is.

But good to know that because of this, if you met him, you would despise him. Nice.

So you can fuck right off with your sanctimonious views on “picky eaters”. You have no idea what might have gone on in someone’s life to make them “fussy” over food.

This.

I often find that those who pride themselves on good manners are just rigid thinkers, controlling and rude.

It’s ok to explain but posts like this ‘And again, so long as you don't mind my projectile vomiting at the dinner table......’ are attention seeking. Exactly what a lot of adult picky eaters are like.

Have you been introduced to the concept that people can disagree?

YABVVVVVVVVVVVU to use the word spread.

Icky.

It's not that they are picky eaters it's that they always make such a big thing about it. Ooh I have 'insert label' then grill waiting staff for far longer than is necessary. In nearly every situation I've witnessed it's attention seeking. People with a genuine allergy for instance don't make a big fuss, they just get the facts.

Other than smoked salmon and the occasional fish finger, I loathe fish and seafood. The smell and look of it repulses me. And cod actually made me ill. Would you despise me OP?

It was me who typed that as a (silly but true) response to the equally silly post about "shut up and eat up" and food dislikes being the result of not being forced to eat things or go hungry as a child. Since school the projectile vomit thing has never happened for me because I have good mannered friends who don't think they have a right to judge what I eat or don't eat when i visit them. Nobody should have to explain or justify their food choices and it does annoy me when i read on here "oh x reason is ok but y reason is not" Of course its not polite to sit at the table and say "vegetables are gross" or similar, but I haven't seen any of the selective eaters in this thread (or previous ones) suggest that they would do this or that its a good idea. It is factually true though that there are many people like me who cannot swallow and keep down certain foods and the consequences of trying to do so would be as described.

Op, you say you were bought up to eat whatever was put in front of you and you get what you are given. That was the way many of us were bought up. Doesn’t mean it was right or that just because we were bought up that way we then have to carry that mantra through our lives. It’s quite an outdated attitude.
my parents were post war babies, they went hungry if they didn’t eat whatever they were given, but that was a different time.
Now we have options and so many choices. So many tastes to choose from. Years ago it was meat potatoes and veg. Now it’s curry’s, pizza, pasta, dhal, noodles, jacket potatoes with loads of options for toppings…..the lists are endless!
There really is no need not to cater for different preferences. The millions of different options make it easy!

they don't "always". Many selective eaters, like myself, just ask the questions and make the choices they wish to make and don't attempt to explain or justify, they just get on with their lives. The thing is that you don't notice us so we are all labelled with the performative ones. Of course there are people who need to ask questions about the composition of dishes especially where allergies are involved and actually the restaurants generally ask customers to do this.

Yes, but if you're having chicken at someone else's home or at a restaurant you're not buying or preparing it yourself.

No, they don’t ’always’.
Many of us find being a selective eater very stressful and avoid drawing attention to it at all costs.

So all the people who despise or won’t tolerate fussy eaters….would you genuinely eat anything that someone cooked or made for you, absolutely anything?

I eat most things but am prone to getting aversions about food if I think about it too much, ie my dd was describing why she doesn’t like tomato’s and I had to ask her to stop or I would start seeing all the bad things about tomatoes - even typing that makes me feel sick 😂 so I totally understand, even though I fight it

I wasn’t diagnosed with it until I was in my 30’s so I’ve lived with the ‘fussy’ and ‘picky’ label most of my life. I was sent to a dietitian as a teen as I was competing at a very high level in sport so my parents were worried I wasn’t getting enough nutrients. Fortunately, my ‘safe’ foods mean I get enough energy and only need limited supplements.

Some people still refuse to even try to understand though. My step mum still makes a big deal out of the fact I only have potatoes and veg on my Sunday dinner and refuse gravy and that I choose the same dish every time we eat at a restaurant.

Ironically, I’m a really good cook and do 80% of the cooking in our house. My DH and DS are really adventurous so I cook all kinds of food. I just don’t eat it! My fil refuses to go anywhere else for Christmas dinner! I’ve even worked in kitchens. It’s a bit a weird ARFID quirk apparently.

@Brownoliveskincurlyblackhair I get it!

My dm made a beautiful table up once with candles and other stuff her bil walked in and said he hated candles and turned all the lights on
Then proceeded to say what food he did and didn't like.

There should be a middle ground however that you as host do two options at least and guest also falls in as much as possible.

Honestly it is horrendous not to be able to eat everything offered to you. For many it’s an issue they wish they didn’t have. Being picky and having ARFID are often categorised in the same way and in reality are worlds apart. You are lucky you don’t have a food issues, so try and have empathy for those that do. Be kind.

If you don’t like catering don’t host.

You strongly dislike pork but you eat it all if someone cooks it for you? That's not good manners. It's bonkers. Seriously, that's disturbing