To despise picky eaters?

[Brownoliveskincurlyblackhair]

If you have an allergy or religious reasons not to eat something, fine obviously but grown adults who 'don't eat' something absolutely irk me beyond words. My MIL looked horrified earlier when I said I was making chicken as a part of a weekend spread because SIL 'doesn't eat it'. I have accommodated for SIL but honestly, I was bought up that you get what you're given and eat what's infront of you. It's terrible manners is it not?

Yabu - hosts should cater for preferences
Yanbu - it's rude

When I am hosting I always ask guests about preferences. If I've invited someone for a meal I want them to enjoy themselves so I certainly wouldn't deliberately serve them food that they don't like. I've been catering for my multi allergic DS for the best part of 20 years so it doesn't particularly faze me if I have to accommodate someone else's dietary restrictions for a meal or two. It doesn't make it any easier or more difficult to deal with if it's a medical need, religious observance, ethical objection or simple preference so I really don't care what the reason is, if a guest tells me that they don't eat something I'll respect that.
I don't eat chicken or commercially produced eggs because I think that even compared to other meat production the poultry industry is horrific. If someone cooked it for me when I was a guest I expect I'd force it down but I don't know anyone who knows me well enough to invite me to dinner who doesn't also know my views on the subject. I can't imagine any of my friends or family expecting me to eat chicken any more than I'd serve meat to a vegetarian or vegan.

Meh, its not as if the only thing you served was roast chicken with chicken salad and a side of chicken ffs!

When you go to a buffet, you don't just stand in front of the tray of food you don't like and cry because you don't like it, do you? No you move the fuck on and find the food you do like and eat that.

Both MIL and SIL sound ridiculous and you deserve a bloody gin buffet to put up with them.

This post wasn't a dig at those with genuine issues, allergies etc, it was a "FFS, MIL and SIL need to grow the fuck up" post! I hear you, I get it @Brownoliveskincurlyblackhair

I don't have arfid but I do have a long list of food that tastes awful to me including (but not limited to) bacon, pizza, fish/seafood, lentils, chick peas, ham, gammon, any cheese other than mild cheddar, steak, jacket potato, most fruit (only like strawberries, grapes and kiwi), anything spicier than a tikka masala, ice cream, raisins/sultanas, tea, any sweets things flavoured with lemon like lemon muffins etc. Basically a lot of food that is generally considered to be "nice". There's plenty of food I can still eat but eating at people's houses causes me a ton of stress because I don't want to be rude but I just cannot bring myself to eat these things.

Agree
Preference is different to refusal, I would rather have cheese than profiteroles

i would still eat the profiteroles

Definitely the cheese but yes, it's a preference.

I was brought up the same way as you OP. Consequently, I eat everything. And my children eat everything. It’s ok to have preferences. One of my children isn’t wild about mushrooms, but she’ll eat them if she is a guest. It’s important to be able to eat what you are given. Rationally, it isn’t going to hurt you, so it’s not hard to get on with it. I’d class it as the same level of inconvenience and obligation as kids doing homework for GCSE subjects they don’t especially enjoy.

The only issue I have is when people say they don’t like something when they’ve not ever tried it. People have different tastes, sensory issues. It’s not like most people are doing it on purpose, it’s thier lifestyle.

Why? I’ve taught my children to not eat things if they don’t like the taste. They eat basically everything too! Actually can’t think of anything they don’t eat, but forced eating of foods you don’t like isn’t necessary?!

You'd hate me then! I suspect it's partially being ND, but mostly because I was raised on a very bland, repetitive diet. DM saw meals as something to get out of the way so she could get on with her own activities, not something to be enjoyed or explored.

I do try to expand my palate & that of my DC, but it's hard when a lot of foods make you gag.

If out, I can usually find something to eat. If served something I don't like I just pick out bits I can eat and say I only eat small portions.

I'm the party pooper in our family due to having coeliac disease. Pretty much all family meals have to be planned around my dietary needs (unless I don't go). I know some people think gluten free is faddy and fussy eating but it really isn't. It's a nuisance and severely limits where you can go without a lot of stress about what to eat while you're there. I'd give almost anything to be able to just go out with no researching places, no quizzing staff on arrival, grab a sandwich if my train is late or go abroad without worrying. I didn't travel when I was younger and had so hoped to do it in later life but other than very "safe" options I won't be able to now. If you are blessed with being able to eat anything, embrace every second and be really thankful.

I’ll eat most things but I’ve never liked pork - bacon, ham, any pork products. I just find it really greasy and hard to digest. If someone invites me over and asks if there’s anything I don’t eat, I’ll tell them. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Obviously if someone serves it to me, I’ll do my best out of politeness to get it down me.

A ‘picky eater’ to me is someone who has a very limited range of foods they’ll eat and will refuse to try anything new. I have a friend who’s got a list as long as her arm, tomatoes, cheese, mushrooms, fish, anything spicy, anything with seeds on it etc. Theres no medical issues, she’s just decided there are vast amounts of things she doesn’t like and will never try. I just stopped cooking for her as it was too hard to make something she did like!

I think there’s a big difference between the two.

Well I do understand op. I have stopped inviting my wider family to come over where I cook. We generally go out to eat or they come over and we order takeaways instead. This is because
my niece is vegan,
my husband vegetarian
my brother in law does not eat any dairy including cheese or most vegetables. He only eats meat and potatoes a very limited number of veg.
My sister is not too bad but she can't eat lentils and wont eat most other pulses
And finally we have my autistic ds who also only eats meat and carbs and almost no veg at all or pulses

The only saving grace is my nephew and my nieces partner bless them who eat absolutely anything 😂

Cooking is not my favourite thing anyway and cooking for them all together really is quite stressful as it needs a lot of thought and planning to make sure they all have something they can eat and enjoy. I usually have to make more than one main course and at least two different desserts

But I don't despise them i like most of them, just find it hard to cater for them all together, hence I have stopped and we enjoy each other's company without my having to cook. Suits me much better

You won’t despise picky eaters more than they hate being ‘picky eaters’ - the fear of going to someone’s house for dinner and not being able to eat what they serve is awful. I have ASD but only a few close friends know - I’ve only been diagnosed recently. Before that I just thought of myself as a ‘picky’ eater - just another area of my life where I couldn’t conform like everyone else.

I always ask people if they have any favourite or hated foods before I have them over so I don’t put anyone through what I go through.

No-one is being a picky eater to be difficult on purpose it’s a real PITA. So basically YABU (and rather mean too).

Na that is in no way the same at all.

Same!
I’m autistic, and my diet is the classic beige diet. I know I should eat healthier, but I physically cannot. I actually retch, and sometimes vomit if I eat something that isn’t a safe food, even down to something as simple as condiments! I’d love to be a person who can just force anything down their neck without a second thought, but I can’t.

I am autistic and you’d absolutely hate my eating habits.

i can’t even eat something’s like sweet potato because its too orange, I couldn’t even cut into the sweet potato let alone get it in my mouth.

I rotate eat a range of about 3 meals and 1 sandwich and some chocolate and crisps and I just eat that for months. I don’t eat any vegetables or fruit. I just can’t cope that they aren’t the exact same every time. A toffee crisp (for example) is a very consistent thing, it’s by and large the same whether I eat 1 or 1000 of them. But you could eat two bites of 1 apple and them be very different. I just cannot cope with any variation. There’s so many types of water I can’t drink because they’re too different and taste weird. I like the water that comes out of my kitchen tap and my cousins kitchen tap, no others. If I can’t drink the water I just drink things like fizzy juice.

I’m exactly the same as you!
You are not alone, my friend!

My eldest son is autistic. He is an exceptional cook and will eat anything. Autism is not one size fits all

I think it’s far far ruder for a host to expect their guests to eat something they don’t like. I’d feel awful if I felt like my guests had forced down something they really didn’t want to eat! It’s a horrible attitude to have imo “please come to my house, I’d love to spend time with you, but you had better eat every mouthful I serve you even if it’s a food that’s made you gag since childhood, or else I shall be offended!”

I'm not autistic but I do have OCD and I think a lot of my issues with food come from that, I am very similar to you in that I can't deal with inconsistentcy, I have eaten the same cereal for breakfast every day for about 10 years and I doubt I'll ever eat anything else. It just feels safe and predictable.

Pretty sure every autistic person knows that all autistics are not exactly the same. But ‘picky’ eating is a massive feature in the autistic community.

Yes, I’m not autistic but I really can’t comprehend people who can eat things they don’t like. I wish I could, but I will absolutely retch if I try to force certain things down.

I was force fed (physically force fed, mouth held open, food shoved in, mouth held closed) as a child when I didn’t want to eat - funnily enough, it didn’t make me love carrots, I don’t know why my mother ever thought it would! But the things I vividly remember being force fed, I couldn’t swallow now as an adult if you paid me.

No one in my life knows about this. And I really think people should back off what others eat. You’ve no idea what food issues they might have, and who the hell thinks they should have any say (even in a roundabout “I’ll be offended if you don’t eat it, it’s the social norm” kind of way) over what someone else doesn’t eat.

Exactly you have to cook several meals. This is historically why it was considered bad manners to say you don't like something cooked for you in a private home . Otherwise you are makiing two or three times the amount of work for the cook if they have to cook lots of different meals.

As others have said ,I think it is bad manners and inconsiderate to refuse to eat things cooked for you at private social event if they are just a preference. Obviously if a particular food will make you ill or you gag or you physically can't swallow something that is different but if it I just a preference then I think you should just eat at least some of it. Or at a minimum just quietly leave it and not say anything. If asked your good preference beforehand, the be clear what you won't eat and what is just a preference. They way the cook has the best chance of coming up with something that works for everyone.

Very few vegans.

Teaching your kids that they can make choices at home, but should be able to eat what they are given when they are a guest isn’t forced eating.