To despise picky eaters?

[Brownoliveskincurlyblackhair]

If you have an allergy or religious reasons not to eat something, fine obviously but grown adults who 'don't eat' something absolutely irk me beyond words. My MIL looked horrified earlier when I said I was making chicken as a part of a weekend spread because SIL 'doesn't eat it'. I have accommodated for SIL but honestly, I was bought up that you get what you're given and eat what's infront of you. It's terrible manners is it not?

Yabu - hosts should cater for preferences
Yanbu - it's rude

yup I have IBS and its best not to be too specific.

I think you just perhaps don’t like your mil and or sil? (And perhaps need some sleep or a break or something).

I don't like it. It always tastes damp and slightly off to me. It makes me gag. I'm not fussy on the whole (had liver tonight for dinner) but chicken is rank.

Why would lack of tastebuds mean you could eat anything? I don't eat what I don't like but that's a very narrow range of foods, some of which I don't like because of texture, not taste.
I eat whatever I am given at a formal dinner party. If it's a buffet I choose. If it's a meal at a restaurant I choose.
I would never be so rude as to say 'I don't eat X' for any other reason than religion or allergies (but I usually avoid what I have given up for Lent if visiting someone - unobtrusively).

I don’t eat raw tomatoes, hate them, hate them. If they are in food I’ll just go hungry thanks. Other than that am pretty unfussy! I wouldn’t invite anyone for dinner if I wasn’t prepared to cake to their dietary preferences (however odd).

Again, I'm not sure how it's supposed to work if guest A won't eat chicken, beans or mushrooms; guest B won't eat tomato, onion or red meat; guest C can't have fish, citrus or nuts; guest D hates spicy food, pork and cheese. It rapidly becomes impossible for all to eat a meal. Fine to cater for one or two aversions but becomes impossible if everyone is giving their preference lists.

I do think fundamentally hosting is about inviting your guests to share your meal. Not to serve as they would do in their homes. That's what restaurants are for.

I am not going to judge the people who can't come dine with me, but I then also don't really have an experience to share with you that is enjoyable for both of us. If you don't enjoy my food and I don't get to share what I love, then really at best let's go to a restaurant (which is rarely worth the money) and more likely let's not meet over a meal at all.

I love food, I’m only 7.5 stone, I don’t see food as fuel, it’s pleasure. Collect cook books, stalk restaurants I want to try. Everyone is different, my Irish MIL in her 80s has never eaten a Chinese or a curry, cooks meat until it’s like leather . I wouldn’t dream of serving her food outside her comfort zone

@Nanny0gg Years ago, when gluten-free foods were less readily available, one of my friends who has Celiac disease would bring her own food. She'd just say that she'd love to see everyone but due to her dietary restrictions, it was easier if she brought her own meal. It might be worth considering if you're missing on social occasions.

Apparently fussy people are super tasters, that’s why they have extreme dislikes

Why would you not cater for someone so they have other options to put on their plate? You. Don’t even have to cook another meat or offer fish etc - just a lovely mixed Greek salad or something like that for her. Lots of roast veg or pasta salad.

I’m assuming you’ll be making sides for everyone else anyway - so rather than focussing on her not eating chicken, just boil a few eggs and pop in a bowl so she has at least some protein to add to the sides.

And yes - you kind of are being unreasonable.
You should have a read of the www.arfidawareness.org.uk website and realise that many people have this eating disorder. Not saying your SIL does but make yourself aware that there are many adults with ARFID who wouldnt tell you, but who would feel extremely anxious by the way you talk about ‘picky eaters’. Never just assume someone is a picky eater - it could be something much more serious.

You'd probably think I'm a picky eater. I eat nearly everything except offal and fatty meat, but it must be good quality food, nicely cooked. I don't eat mass-produced UPFs if I can avoid them.

If you can't swallow it or keep it down wouldn't that suggest something deeper is going on? Like arfid or intolerance or something?

I'm a fussy eater. If I eat food I don't like I'll vomit, so I prefer not to do that. I don't make a drama out of things and there's usually something I can eat. As a kid I would refuse to eat seafood - turns out I'm allergic to it, it gives me migraines. Only worked that out as an adult. Knew someone who didn't realise pineapple isn't supposed to make your mouth burn when you eat it.

I've been raised that good hosting involves asking your guests if there is anything they don't eat (be it because of preference or allergies).

I was doing a first meal for a guy I was dating once and asked, as all good hosts do, if there was anything he didn't eat. Worked out what I was cooking and he arrives as things are half cooked. He's very polite. Oh, is that lamb (I was making a marinated, apricot yoghurt lamb roast). Yes, it is, don't you like lamb? Oh no, that's fine. Get to the final stages making the sauce. Is that apricot? Um, yes. It wasn't until years later he said he didn't like lamb or apricot. I asked him why he hadn't said anything when I asked if there was anything he didn't eat. He never thought someone would combine the two! Turns out to be a good thing he ate what I cooked as it ended up being one of his favourites.

Sounds just like my Grandfather on father’s side of the family. @Katypp and @Summerdreamydays’ earlier posts struck a chord with me too. My Grandfather made a big deal because I didn’t eat meat.
However, my Grandfather only ate meat, meat pies or occasionally fish with a few vegetables/chips. He’d never tried and wouldn’t try pasta, rice, curry, pizza, muesli or even peppers (because he thought they smelt horrible).
I mention muesli because I stayed overnight once and had a bowl of Alpen for breakfast and he remarked, “how can you eat that birdseed.” He’d never tried it.
All of that was acceptable to him but me not eating meat despite repeatedly trying again but still finding the taste, texture or smell of it made me feel sick wasn’t. 🙄

This is such an emotive subject and I totally agree.

Bar a medical condition or allergy I can’t stand / don’t pander to fussy eaters and blame the parents for giving them too much choice / power as children. I believe this is nurture rather than nature.

It’s a shame they weren’t subjected to ‘there’s f@ck all else’ - then they wouldn’t be so fussy.

That’s definitely the case with me, I can taste if something has been cooked in a different type of oil! I have a really heightened sense of smell too.

Yep!!! Completely understand. I wasn’t brought up to say anything horrible even if the food was vile! MIL comes from a different place clearly. I started serving anything I wanted and watched her shrivelled raisin face look disgusted

YABU to despise anyone. We all have our quirks and if everyone was the same, liked the same things, the world would be very boring.

Oh and I’m not ‘fussy’ as that suggests I have a choice. ARFID isn’t a choice.

Saying you can't eat something because it upsets your stomach isn't being picky. Saying you won't eat a wide variety of foods for no reason at all is being picky.

I wouldn't judge you.

If you invite people over, surely you are doing it because you want to show them a nice time? That's the basics of hosting? Why invite anyone over then?

I don’t eat chicken, it’s disgusting and the texture makes me want to vomit! I physically can not bring myself to even put it in my mouth

I used to enjoy cooking for others in the days when barring real allergies and religious issues, you could just put a big pot of something in the middle of the table and people would just eat it. And if they really couldn't stomach it, they'd eat a token amount and fill up on bread or potatoes or veg and just deal with it

Now entertaining seems to involve the preliminary of running through a small list of things that guests can and will eat and then working out what you can make with the five things everyone can manage. It's soul-destroying and turns cooking for friends into a kind on invention test. It shouldn't be that hard.

I feel sorry for you OP. That you lack empathy and are unable to put yourself in another person’s shoes. People are so-called picky eaters for lots of reasons. Not just aversion to taste, but textures, smells, temperature and various other sensory issues. People are different. You seem overly concerned about something that really has only a limited impact on you.