Page 8 | EX wife has moved new partner and kids in and my children are unhappy.

David850 · 2025-06-27T15:54:09+00:00

I'm a dad of two children, 13 year old daughter and 7 year old son. Two months ago my ex moved her new partner and his two children in with her, she lives in a 3 bed house so both kids are now sharing with his children, it's been a very tough two months for them and they are miserable. My son is now sharing a room with this man's 11 year old son, my son is a big spiderman fan and his whole room was themed around this, walls, lights, posters, bedding etc but last weekend ex's new partner decorated the room, painted over the spiderman decor, took everything down, dumped my sons bed and furniture and replaced it with a bunk bed (son hates it, he's on the bottom bunk and says he feels cramped and hates that a bed is on top of him) I've been told the room is now white with a huge Xbox theme going on, apparently there is a few spiderman items remaining but my daughter has said at least 80% has been removed, and a large amount of the room is taken up by this boys gaming desk/chair and TV. My son is extremely upset, it's such a big adjustment to have this man and two kids move in but to fully change his bedroom and get rid of his stuff in his own home is unacceptable. The daughter is 12, I belive she and my daughter are only a matter or months apart, she's so upset about this girl being moved in to her room, hers hasn't really been redecorated but her double bed has been removed and replaced with two singles and she's been forced to take half of her things off the walls and remove half of her things from her wardrobe, she's currently having to store items in boxes under her bed. My ex is saying that the room situation was discussed with the kids and I do believe this but when the kids disagreed and said they don't want to share rooms she shut them down and said it was happening. School has broke up today for summer and my daughter is saying she's not going back to her mums, I've asked what her main reason is and she has said that she refuses to continue to sleep in the same room as a stranger and she feels uncomfortable, I have discussed this with my ex and said i will keep her with me for the weekend and she's said that if they are not returned by 6pm she will be sending her partner around to collect them. I need some advice as I've never had to deal with this before, we share the kids 50/50, my daughter is 13 so it's not like she can just be picked up and forced in the car, if she refuses to return to her mums home what will happen? If she decides she wants to stay here and see her mum outside of the home is this something a court would agree with? I'd also love to have a serious conversation about my son as he's so unhappy but I understand as he's so young his wishes may not be considered. I'm all new to this so any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

JIMER202 · 27/06/2025 21:36

ThatCalmCat · 27/06/2025 20:02

My thoughts here are to try and resolve the situation without the kids losing contact with their mum.
There may be ways around it, without going in full force with a full custody order which will literally rip the kids lives in two and cause a rupture between the parents that will never heal.
Not everything is as black and white as that, is my point. OP has said no issues with mum until now, and given that he has had a partner for 2 plus years, I'd say perhaps 2/3 maybe more years have gone by with no prior issues.

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Living with their Dad full time wouldn’t even mean their mother can’t see them. But she’s already thrown a huge bomb in their lives and the children shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable for the sake of their mother’s feelings when she hasn’t considered theirs. Allowing the new guy to completely redo the 7yr olds bedroom and throwing away his furniture is disgusting.

MeridianB · 27/06/2025 21:46

Just awful for your children. Your ex is crazy to do this. It shows so little respect for your children. I bet they barely have any time with her alone any more, too.

Can they live with you full time? She can pay you maintenance.

If she tries to collect them you can explain they don’t want to return to her home because she has turned heir lives upside down for someone else.

Original poster

David850 · 27/06/2025 21:51

Sorry for taking ages to reply, I've had a rough few hours. Ex did indeed send her partner around, he was far from happy when I refused to hand my kids over to him. I've tried to speak to my ex but she's obviously worked up at the moment and is now demanding the kids are returned first thing in the morning.

I do have a partner who I've been with for two years, she does not have kids and does not want kids, she has a sweet relationship with my two but they have any met outside of the house and I waited a year before introducing them.

My son loved his room, I paid an artist to paint spiderman on his wall, and his name in a spiderman design, honestly it was a really cool room and he absolutely loved it. He's not into gaming and one of my worries is of this boy is potentially sitting up all night gaming when my son is trying to sleep, he's a very young 7 and my daughter has told me the room looks like a teenagers room, they even took his spiderman bedding away.

My daughter is saying she's uncomfortable sleeping next to this girl who she really doesn't know very well and also having this girls dad come in to their room at night to kiss his daughter goodnight, she's not got enough room for all her stuff now as half the room is this other girls, my daughter is growing and going through things and shouldn't have to have a stranger man in her room or share with someone she is not related.

For those asking if I am in a position to have the kids full time, yes I am. I understand I can't decide how my ex lives but I think the best outcome of this would be for her to remove these strangers from her house, I 100% understand because I'd love my partner to move in with me but these things take time when you have children and personally I don't believe it's right for children to be sharing rooms with non relatives.

OP posts:

Gowlett · 27/06/2025 21:51

BringYourOwnBullshit · 27/06/2025 17:16

This is absolutely outrageous. If it's real (and I hope it isn't) your ex is a terrible mother and the kids will loathe her for it.

Of course it’s real. People do it all the time.
We always read problems about step-kids.

My auntie did this, and it was a disaster…
For all of the children. But she was happy!

Dramatic · 27/06/2025 21:53

ThatCalmCat · 27/06/2025 19:45

I think you need to go round to your ex's house with the kids, to have a discussion about everything and involve the children, if possible.

Clearly, your ex isn't considering the kids enough here, but to say she's a terrible mother for being in a relationship and wanting to live with her partner is a bit strong, though it is very soon if only 11 months into the relationship and her partner also has kids.

You need a way to resolve this, and it's all well and good everyone being on your side, but do you really need to encourage the kids not to stay with their mum?

I would take the tactic of keeping her on side and trying to support her in getting this ironed out.
In order to see Mum, even if they lived with you more than the current 50% , they will need to stay in her house. Surely not seeing her at all will be just as disruptive and upsetting.

They may be young still, especially your boy, but giving them a say and explaining the situation fairly and openly may make the world of a difference, rather than being told to just accept it when they had a different life before.

It's worth checking the law on children sharing rooms. Pretty sure that there is something about boys and girls not sharing over 12, but not sure about 2 the same sex.

Don't forget there are lots of large families that just have to get on with this.
For example, what if your partner went on to have more children with her new partner... and then the kids had to share with their half siblings? What would be the opinion then?

BTW, I am not like the mum, in my experience my children have had this happen with their dad and his new extended step family. My son, at 16 was expected to sleep on a sofa bed every time he stayed over, sharing a room with a child half his age. Needless to say when revising for his recent GCSEs, he stopped going as he never had any peace and could revise better here with me, his decision which I supported.

That's a different situation though because the half siblings are actually related and have presumably grown up with each other since the younger one was born. My step daughter and youngest daughter share a room, they are half sisters 3 years apart in age and it works really well. I wouldn't expect them to share if they were step siblings.

Plantladylover · 27/06/2025 21:54

you've done the right thing, without a doubt. Please don't send them back tomorrow if they do not want to go. Call a solicitor first things Monday and ask for an urgent appointment . Best of luck to you. your children are lucky to have you supporting their needs.

namechangetheworld · 27/06/2025 21:54

She's a shite mother. Moving in a man who she's known less than a year (!!) to sleep under the same roof as her children is pathetic and terrifying all at once. Keep your daughter with you OP, and if the new partner comes knocking, call the police.

reversegear · 27/06/2025 21:55

Nah this is awful your Ex is putting her need above the children’s needs and it needs to stop.

Ibelievetheworldisburningtotheground · 27/06/2025 21:55

I would try to get legal advice about not forcing her to go back to her mum's if you don't have a formal/court-mandated custody order in place.

BringYourOwnBullshit · 27/06/2025 21:58

This is heartbreaking to read OP your poor son! How can someone be so cruel! I could cry for the little lad.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 27/06/2025 21:59

I don't know what it's called, but get the paperwork for court in ASAP, before she does. Go for full custody.

And when you get it (fingers crossed), get that artist back to redo the spiderman on your son's room in your house.

Dramatic · 27/06/2025 21:59

David850 · 27/06/2025 21:51

Sorry for taking ages to reply, I've had a rough few hours. Ex did indeed send her partner around, he was far from happy when I refused to hand my kids over to him. I've tried to speak to my ex but she's obviously worked up at the moment and is now demanding the kids are returned first thing in the morning.

I do have a partner who I've been with for two years, she does not have kids and does not want kids, she has a sweet relationship with my two but they have any met outside of the house and I waited a year before introducing them.

My son loved his room, I paid an artist to paint spiderman on his wall, and his name in a spiderman design, honestly it was a really cool room and he absolutely loved it. He's not into gaming and one of my worries is of this boy is potentially sitting up all night gaming when my son is trying to sleep, he's a very young 7 and my daughter has told me the room looks like a teenagers room, they even took his spiderman bedding away.

My daughter is saying she's uncomfortable sleeping next to this girl who she really doesn't know very well and also having this girls dad come in to their room at night to kiss his daughter goodnight, she's not got enough room for all her stuff now as half the room is this other girls, my daughter is growing and going through things and shouldn't have to have a stranger man in her room or share with someone she is not related.

For those asking if I am in a position to have the kids full time, yes I am. I understand I can't decide how my ex lives but I think the best outcome of this would be for her to remove these strangers from her house, I 100% understand because I'd love my partner to move in with me but these things take time when you have children and personally I don't believe it's right for children to be sharing rooms with non relatives.

Good on you for standing up to him. Do you know if his kids spend any time with their mother? I wonder if it would be possible to try and have contact time at their mum's when his kids aren't there? Still not ideal as their rooms would still be being used by these other kids but at least they wouldn't have to share for the time they're there.

Missj25 · 27/06/2025 22:00

ThejoyofNC · 27/06/2025 17:08

What an awful mother she is.

Time to protect your children, since she's more interested in a man than the wellbeing of her own kids.

Do not force them to go back there.
Let her take you to court.
Do not allow this man to "come and get her".
Call the police if necessary.

Exactly this …

BIossomtoes · 27/06/2025 22:00

My son loved his room, I paid an artist to paint spiderman on his wall, and his name in a spiderman design, honestly it was a really cool room and he absolutely loved it.

That kind of broke my heart. What a disgusting thing to do to a little boy.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 27/06/2025 22:01

@David850 it sounds like you are in scotland? at 13, the sheriff will most definitely take your daughters wishes into account! get to a solicitor asap and get this into court. and you wouldnt allow a strange man to remove your daughter from your own home either, would you?

BringYourOwnBullshit · 27/06/2025 22:02

BIossomtoes · 27/06/2025 22:00

My son loved his room, I paid an artist to paint spiderman on his wall, and his name in a spiderman design, honestly it was a really cool room and he absolutely loved it.

That kind of broke my heart. What a disgusting thing to do to a little boy.

Same, I'm happily child free and feel no emotion whatsoever about parenting etc. But this has had me welling up.

SpryCat · 27/06/2025 22:05

I think if you go to court for them to live with you, your ex will be persuaded by new man to let them go. His kids won’t like sharing bedrooms either so it’s better for him and his kids if they live with you. He will tell her, he is fed up of her being miserable and she is ruining their relationship and if she doesn’t buck up, he will leave.
You need cameras up outside so if he doesn’t buck come over and kick off, not only do you call police, you have evidence.
Your ex doesn’t care for your children’s wellbeing or safety, they need you to fight for them.

Danni2224 · 27/06/2025 22:06

BringYourOwnBullshit · 27/06/2025 22:02

Same, I'm happily child free and feel no emotion whatsoever about parenting etc. But this has had me welling up.

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This is not a mother, I am a mother and my daughter almost 12 doesn’t even really like me in her space and respect that. All I can say is she is a selfish narcissistic witch she has to be. I’d do absolutely anything to protect my child’s happiness utter cunt.

Lucillebatwings · 27/06/2025 22:07

The Op @David850 is in Scotland - assuming his name is on the children’s birth certificate he will have PR&R’s and does not need to send the kids back. The decision you need to make OP is whether this might inflame the situation further?

You’ll know what to do for the best and speaking to your children about how they feel will guide you. My advice would be to not talk negatively about their mum. It’s ok to say you don’t agree with what she has done because of how it is making them feel though.

In Scotland if parents cannot agree on residency a sheriff might ask social work to undertake an assessment - I believe a section 11 assessment and report. This will involve the social worker speaking to everyone involved and making a recommendation. Case will then be closed to social work after this unless there are welfare concerns.

tara66 · 27/06/2025 22:10

Well done OP for standing up for you DC!!. Thanks for up date. You know you are absolutely doing the right thing. The ex's new P has got some nerve - re. you DS's bedroom changes and coming round to you to take YOUR children!! He needs taking down a peg or 3. Who does he think he is? As for your EX - words completely fail me! Certainly hope both DC can live with you. They are having a very rough time with their mother. Regarding the house where EX lives - do you part own it?

Bumdrops · 27/06/2025 22:12

OP - you sound like a compassionate parent -
with your kids best interests at heart -
keep them at yours, fight their corner -
they have been put in a awful situation - all 4 kids have

HonestOpalHelper · 27/06/2025 22:17

David850 · 27/06/2025 21:51

Sorry for taking ages to reply, I've had a rough few hours. Ex did indeed send her partner around, he was far from happy when I refused to hand my kids over to him. I've tried to speak to my ex but she's obviously worked up at the moment and is now demanding the kids are returned first thing in the morning.

I do have a partner who I've been with for two years, she does not have kids and does not want kids, she has a sweet relationship with my two but they have any met outside of the house and I waited a year before introducing them.

My son loved his room, I paid an artist to paint spiderman on his wall, and his name in a spiderman design, honestly it was a really cool room and he absolutely loved it. He's not into gaming and one of my worries is of this boy is potentially sitting up all night gaming when my son is trying to sleep, he's a very young 7 and my daughter has told me the room looks like a teenagers room, they even took his spiderman bedding away.

My daughter is saying she's uncomfortable sleeping next to this girl who she really doesn't know very well and also having this girls dad come in to their room at night to kiss his daughter goodnight, she's not got enough room for all her stuff now as half the room is this other girls, my daughter is growing and going through things and shouldn't have to have a stranger man in her room or share with someone she is not related.

For those asking if I am in a position to have the kids full time, yes I am. I understand I can't decide how my ex lives but I think the best outcome of this would be for her to remove these strangers from her house, I 100% understand because I'd love my partner to move in with me but these things take time when you have children and personally I don't believe it's right for children to be sharing rooms with non relatives.

Not much to add OP, I'm another male on mums net giving solidarity on this.

Its really not OK your ex moving strangers kids in with yours and ejecting their stuff and decor, it's very cruel.

You sound like a great dad, look after those kids, you are their safe space now!

Good luck mate!

Original poster

David850 · 27/06/2025 22:17

I really don't know anything about this man and his kids, only what my daughter has told me, the kids don't see their mum, I'm unsure why.

I'm honestly so mad, I wish I knew what that man has done with my sons stuff, he had a spiderman ceiling light that cost £300 (I know it's ridiculous but he's been the biggest spiderman fan for over 3 years now) and the fact they even got rid of his bedding and replaced it with plain bedding is infuriating me.

I'm so worried this could have a big impact on him, he's a sensitive soul and really is a very young 7 year old, and I just know whatever games this 11 year old is playing are not going to be age appropriate for a 7 year old.

I'm a growing man and I'd feel uncomfortable if a random man moved in with me so I can't even begin to imagine how my daughter feels sharing her home with a man she hardly knows.

OP posts:

suburburban · 27/06/2025 22:17

I think this is awful and so selfish of her,

don’t like the way the new partner muscled in

WitchOfSomorrostro · 27/06/2025 22:19

That bit about the spiderman in the little boy's room.. Jesus, what a bitch! Made me both sad and mad. How can you treat your little boy and daughter like that.

And what the hell is she doing sending her partner - a nobody to you or your kids - to your house. Glad you stood up to him, good for you.

Tbh, that partner of hers also sounds shit. I know if I'd be in his place, tried to move in to my new partner's house and see how uncomfortable and upset their kids are - I wouldn't do it. Couldn't. And I certainly wouldn't trash a little boy's beloved room like that. My son could suck it up for a bit in this scenario.

Go for full custody. She doesn't deserve these children.