EX wife has moved new partner and kids in and my children are unhappy.

[David850]

I'm a dad of two children, 13 year old daughter and 7 year old son.

Two months ago my ex moved her new partner and his two children in with her, she lives in a 3 bed house so both kids are now sharing with his children, it's been a very tough two months for them and they are miserable.

My son is now sharing a room with this man's 11 year old son, my son is a big spiderman fan and his whole room was themed around this, walls, lights, posters, bedding etc but last weekend ex's new partner decorated the room, painted over the spiderman decor, took everything down, dumped my sons bed and furniture and replaced it with a bunk bed (son hates it, he's on the bottom bunk and says he feels cramped and hates that a bed is on top of him) I've been told the room is now white with a huge Xbox theme going on, apparently there is a few spiderman items remaining but my daughter has said at least 80% has been removed, and a large amount of the room is taken up by this boys gaming desk/chair and TV. My son is extremely upset, it's such a big adjustment to have this man and two kids move in but to fully change his bedroom and get rid of his stuff in his own home is unacceptable.

The daughter is 12, I belive she and my daughter are only a matter or months apart, she's so upset about this girl being moved in to her room, hers hasn't really been redecorated but her double bed has been removed and replaced with two singles and she's been forced to take half of her things off the walls and remove half of her things from her wardrobe, she's currently having to store items in boxes under her bed.

My ex is saying that the room situation was discussed with the kids and I do believe this but when the kids disagreed and said they don't want to share rooms she shut them down and said it was happening.

School has broke up today for summer and my daughter is saying she's not going back to her mums, I've asked what her main reason is and she has said that she refuses to continue to sleep in the same room as a stranger and she feels uncomfortable, I have discussed this with my ex and said i will keep her with me for the weekend and she's said that if they are not returned by 6pm she will be sending her partner around to collect them.

I need some advice as I've never had to deal with this before, we share the kids 50/50, my daughter is 13 so it's not like she can just be picked up and forced in the car, if she refuses to return to her mums home what will happen? If she decides she wants to stay here and see her mum outside of the home is this something a court would agree with? I'd also love to have a serious conversation about my son as he's so unhappy but I understand as he's so young his wishes may not be considered.

I'm all new to this so any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

This is the thing isn't it? Men move on really quickly with another woman and her kids, then expect everyone to be ok. SO.. yeah, hopefully @David850 is living on his own and can hae his kids with him?

I would speak to a solicitor specialising in family law. Things may have changed but when my parents had 50/50 custody I went from living with my Mum full time to my Dads full time as I wanted to live with him. My Mum didn’t contest the arrangement though, which is probably why it all went smoothly.
Your poor children, I can see why they are so upset .

My thoughts here are to try and resolve the situation without the kids losing contact with their mum.
There may be ways around it, without going in full force with a full custody order which will literally rip the kids lives in two and cause a rupture between the parents that will never heal.
Not everything is as black and white as that, is my point. OP has said no issues with mum until now, and given that he has had a partner for 2 plus years, I'd say perhaps 2/3 maybe more years have gone by with no prior issues.

Keep them both. Call a solicitor. Now. Seriously. Do not delay.

Your 7 year old is old enough that his feelings will be given a lot of consideration. And the 13 year old can definitely decide for herself.

@ThatCalmCatyou think there are parents imprisoned for making their children share a room? That stipulation is for qualifying number of rooms for council housing.

No, I didn't say I knew for definite, but it was something I'd heard as a guideline. Blimey I'm getting taken the wrong way here but whatever, people are clearly enraged by this situation and I was offering support. However, I'm not on or agree with going on a war path like most of everyone else here, just suggesting finding out the things that would support the OP in getting this resolved without any further disruption.
I will look up the guidelines and educated myself if that makes you feel any better 😀

It’s a difficult one but I think the court would look favourably upon you if both your children were able to say they wanted to live with you. They wouldn’t split them up, not for discomfort.

You need to have a frank discussion with your ex. Maybe they could just spend more time at yours if that’s feasible?

This is so sad and my heart is breaking for your poor kids. Your ex sounds like a selfish tw*t. I absolutely would seek to have full custody in this instance.

I would ideally send your daughter back home. Although of course, you cannot (and I don't suggest you do) literally force your daughter home, I would try and reason with her to see if she voluntarily returns, assuring her that you will discuss it robustly with your ex, and work to get legal custody so she can live with you full time. But for now she needs to go home.

I would then discuss it with the mother, recording the conversation. Then I would be finding a family solicitor about getting full custody.

Doing it this way looks like you have been cool headed & tolerant, tried to reach an accomodation but feel forced to take action on behalf of your kids.

It's a horrible situation, however I wouldn't like your son to be in the house without his sister and his mother may not allow you to see him if she thinks you've poisoned your daughter against her (of course you haven't but that's what she may conclude) and are keeping her away from home. YOU ALSO DO NOT WANT THEM MOVING AWAY. I have seen that happen. The mother is selfish, she could very well move away with the kids to a 'bigger' place, just to get you removed

So I think the long game is better here. Unfortunately the children will have to endure it for a while until a Judge hears your children's wishes. But ultimately it is the better way to go. It also gives the mother a chance to backtrack, which she may do once she realises how high the stakes are.

OP, can I ask if your new partner has children, and if you have any intention of moving in together?

Would you be able to have your kids living with you full-time if that is what they want?

This is such a violation. There is no way I would force my children to go back to that. I’d keep them with me and contact a solicitor on Monday morning. Your children need to stay together. They need to feel safe and not under threat. Clearly they need a proper opportunity to be heard.

What if you end up with someone with kids. The same would happen or you will house everyone in a mansion?
It isn't nice but that's usually how it goes with new partners and step kids..... Just oart and parcel of the joys of a broken family.

I would not be happy if I were you or your DC. I think they would be better with you ft. Is this possible? Your ex has unfortunately put her love life ahead of her DC.

Same old story. Women choosing men over their kids.

get the police involved and don’t send your kids back. What a bad mother she is, putting her man first.

Your ex has entered the chat op.

Having to share a room with a near stranger is not acceptable.
Your poor children.

If they don't want to go home, allow them stay.
Tell her to go to court.

She chose to impose this man and his children after less than a year into their home and bedrooms, she can deal with the consequences

Your ex is putting her bf and his kids above the well-being of her own DC. She's only known him 11 months and just moved them all in without discussing any.of it with your DC to see if they'd kind or not?

Lots of adults don’t actually blend families. You don’t have to especially if it’s of detriment to the children.
My friend didn’t move in with her BF for about 7 years until her youngest were 17 and were happy for him to move in, her other children and his children had grown up. You don’t have to move your latest shag in and make your children put up with it.

Absolutely this!

I'm a single parent and I decided a long time ago I didn't want to live with a man while the kids are young. I want their home to be their safe space like it's mine and it's easier to do that while living separately. I honestly can't wrap my head round the idea of disrupting your children like this for a man you've been seeing for less then a year.
I hope all the children in this situation are safe and ok

I like this and I would respond to something like this but the mum and step partner don't sound particularly reasonable.

How is this relevant? Your children who are BROTHERS sharing a room is in no way relevant to OP whose children are being forced to share with strangers. And your 8yr old is more likely to be exposed to inappropriate content if sharing with a preteen.

You are a very good parent.

My mother bitterly regrets letting her boyfriends and husbands live with us with their children.

Then I’d date them until my children had grown up and moved out. It’s not normal to move a partner of less than a year in to your house with children. Especially weird to allow his to also move in and force your children to shake their space!

The Dad here has been dating someone for 2 years!! If he can do it, so can the mother.

It’s irresponsible, selfish and dangerous. And they aren’t step anything if they aren’t married.