New colleague staring at my cleavage- is this my fault ?

[dtarer]

I sometimes wear tops that show some cleavage. It’s hard to avoid in most tops that aren’t super high cut.

I notice men sometimes look. But today in a meeting, a man did not stop staring.

his gaze was fixed the entire time he was talking to me. It was extremely uncomfortable.

I somehow feel it’s my fault this happened. But I really love this top and I don’t think it’s obscene. I find it hard to avoid showing some cleavage, especially in summer. It just suits my shape somehow.

I’ll post a pic of the top if it will let me.

true, OP hasn't specified if she works at Hooters or a similar establishment, then indeed the top, with either cleavage, would probably be work appropriate.

I have dealt with this all my working life . I find if you look at them directly they tend to stop as makes them uncomfortable.
And they work in a office often and that is completely appropriate and you show cleavage because like me you are a bigger size . That’s neither a bad thing or something to hide .

Yes. It's inappropriate for work.

I probably woulda

It obviously depends on your work. Typically if it’s a non public facing, and fairly relaxed (as in denim and tattoos are fine) environment then yeah it’s fine. A barmaid in a pub then fine but it would invite attention. If it’s anything public facing, working with children or fairly formal in attire then it’s very inappropriate. That however is a separate issue to him- inappropriate or not he’s not an animal and can choose to exercise self-control when it comes to behaving like a complete pervert. Edit- Sorry I’ve just seen your last two photos. The ones on the model are completely inappropriate. Yours- just about ok but again depends on the role. Cleavage at all in most workplaces wouldn’t be acceptable. Camisole is needed if it can’t be helped.

I've reached the age where my cleavage is crepey, so I try not to display it.
It's not professional to have one's wares on show. It's most distracting for folk.

People should not stare - but I definitely would not be wearing that at work. I don't think it is appropriate.

No, you’re still not getting it are you? I don’t know whether you’re deliberately choosing to not understand or just can’t understand. But I’ll explain as simple as I can:

The comment which you replied to I wasn’t talking about ops top, I was replying to another commenter’s post, about her own top. So again, I’m not talking about ops top, understand? I already said that ops top was unprofessional. So you keep bringing up ops top proves you haven’t read what I wrote or the thread. I’m agreeing that the top is not suitable for work, but here you are banging on something about hooters when you’ve misread my post 🫢

The cleavage is visible, people are going to look. If you don’t want people looking, keep it covered.

My workplace had a woman who wore tight see-thru tops, no bra. No one was comfortable around her - I guess it was all our problem - both men and women. It was a challenge not to look at her nipples - they were there, all the time. It was too bad for her because her clothing made others not look at her at all or keep distant.

I’ve no idea what this Woman was thinking about when she got dressed for work. Maybe “I work best in sheer tops” or “My visible nipples demonstrate my work ethic and commitment to teamwork,”

My opinion, people will look at what you have put out there for the world to see. If you are not happy for people to see your cleavage, make it invisible. Don’t blame people for looking at what you are wearing - whether it’s sheer, or low cut, tight, or short.

If it bothers you, find less revealing tops - it really isn't difficult.

That top is totally inappropriate for work and for a school function. There are millions of tops available to buy, you don't need to wear ones that show your cleavage unless you want to show it off. If you want to show it off then you can only expect people to look.
My daughter -in-law has very large breasts, she wears fitted clothes but in the more than a decade I've known her I have never seen her cleavage, so it's perfectly possible to have nice clothes that aren't revealing.

Yes it is inappropriate (unless you work in a cocktail bar?) No, he shouldn’t be looking but to me that is inappropriate. I used to work with someone who’d show off a lot of cleavage and even as a straight woman I didn’t know where to look, as you couldn't miss it!

That’s a going out top, not really a work one. Wear tops that show off your cleavage and men are going to look. Some are going to stare. Yes, it shouldn’t be that way, but it is.

I’m well endowed and have plenty of scoop and v-neck tops which don’t show any cleavage but aren’t up to my chin. I don’t want to feel uncomfortable or objectified, so I find these a happy medium.

Not true. I’m 36GG and never show cleavage (never have even when younger and perter) and I’m not wearing tops up to my chin. A not too low scooped or square neckline covers just fine. I find too much cleavage a bit too either barmaid/serving wench or matron for my style taste.

hes a pig, your top is fine.

if you cover up there will be another man that stares at something else. I used to date a guy with a tights fetish, anything nylon drove him wild. Another friends partner was absolutely obsessed with knee length skirts (the possibility of them swishing up and revealing thigh apparently). I know someone else with a foot fetish too! Ah and now I think of it I remember a really creepy dude at work who always commented suggestively on my adidas trackie bottoms 🥴 Women’s bodies are just so heavily sexualised, there’s no safe piece of clothing,

Cover up your tits and it’ll be just some other creep brazenly staring at some other part of you. Wear what you feel good in and The unified response from all decent people must always be: don’t fucking stare at people.

In a bar or other such environment no big deal. In a professional setting there is no context in which having your chest on show to the level of the photo the OP shared is acceptable. Save it for Tinder.

The OP shared that specific photo to give the impression that it was her to provoke a response. She clearly has form for attention seeking behaviour.

Well this thread is interesting! The top isn’t suitable for work. But looks lovely for a night out. I have a similar figure and would never wear anything that revealing at work.
But it’s not easy to look modest and professional when you have a large bust.

The first top is horrible. Is there any point in wearing that if you don't want people to look at your cleavage?

I love clothes - I love getting compliments on my clothes and I like my clothes being noticed but I want my clothes to be noticed, not my breasts.

No, I’m not going to ask you that but I still wish I looked like that in a top or blouse.

This seems a very male response...
Probably wrong but what a weird reply....

Tbf I think you're getting a bit of stick. You haven't actually said what your job is....my 1st job was a bar job and that kind of top would have been perfectly acceptable. In an office probably not. As a larger breasted woman I tend to go for a scoop neck or a lesser v neck, the top you have shown is a plunging neckline. For office wear I'd suggest either a cami underneath or a v neck that goes no lower than 3 inches below the collarbone, but thay does of course depend on the look you are going for. Either way you should feel comfortable and men should have the willpower to not stare!
But playing devils advocate there is nothing wrong with either covering more or showing more; it's all up to you in the end.
Ask yourself if Dana Scully would wear it 🤣 because she always looked good as well as professional.

I agree. Not businesslike or professsional, any more than a man with his shirt unbuttoned down to his chest would be.

Which is why all women should be locked away in cellars, just like you want them to to be, you vile poltroon.

A bit dis-and-dat...