AIBU to start WW3 with this woman myself??

[Catsandcannedbeans]

DD6 is beside herself. One of her classmates mum’s has been telling her poor child that WW3 is going to happen, my DD heard this at school and is now beside herself. She’s been in our bed all night, she’s set her brother off as well. She’s not normally a cryer, she’s the type that would run around with a limb hanging off, so I’m actually kind of worried.

I am also not used to her being like this, so I’m not really great with it? We have tried all the normal things like Telling her it won’t happen and that that girls Mummy is just silly and then telling her “Mummy and Daddy would never let anything bad happen to you, I’ll bite my acrylics off and take them on myself if I have to.” - normally this would make her laugh and that would be the end of it. I can’t explain geopolitics to a 6 year old (I did try at 4am though, first time I’ve used my IR degree in ages lol).

In the interests of transparency, this girls mum does not like me, or my children. She’s very nice to my handsome husband though… which pisses me off a bit. DD has told me before her daughter has said “my mummy says your mummy is a chav” and DD has asked me want chav means. There is a real part of me that wants to go up to her at pick up and show her how much of a chav I am, but I won’t do that, I’m all peace and love now (twitching as I type).

Would I be being unreasonable to have a word with this woman? A polite and civilised word, I promise? I am pregnant and she has come between me and a good nights sleep… oh yes and my poor baby terrified. I did have a word with the teacher this morning, lovely lady, she said she would keep and eye on her and that lots of kids are anxious right now, but she knows this is very out of character for DD so understands why I’m worried.

YBU - do not say anything to this woman
YNBU - say something to her

Also any tips on how to help my DD would be appreciated. I’ve tried all the normal ways to calm her down, gonna take her to pets at home tonight to get a new toy for her cat in the hopes that distracts her.

No but maybe your DH could.

Ooohhh get your DH to do it! Being told off by the handsome husband will give her a bit of extra hurt. Do itttttt.

I'm sorry your daughter is upset, but you can't police what people tell their children about the news.

My own daughter has been asking questions about Iran, Trump, bombs etc. They are all talking about it.

No good will come from you approaching this mum. Rise above it

Get your husband to speak to her if anyone does, why put yourself through that.

But honestly this kid is saying whatever it is to the whole class, so it sounds like your daughter is just having a strong reaction, which is annoying, but it doesn’t justify policing someone else’s parenting.

In all honesty, it sounds like she doesn’t like you and you’re using this WW3 thing to get back at her. At the end of the day she can have any discussion she wants with her child and whether you agree or not with her sentiment is neither here nor there. However, it might be worth the school putting out some kind of general message about how worried a lot of the children are and parents being mindful of what they tell their kids and what is repeated in school.

As far as the chav comment goes, if you’re going to pull her up on anything then I would pull her up on that. Who on earth does she think she is?? Agree with pp if you’re going to pull her up on anything either get your dh to do it, or have him with you when you pull her up on the chav comment. Rude cow.

wait until the same child tells the whole class that Santa doesn’t exist.

What does DD think WW3 will involve?

Yes, well, it’s the same general situation, isn’t it? You can’t make someone else parent in the way you think they should. I appreciate its unpleasant being kept awake all night by a worried child, but all you can do is find the best way of calming her down.

What does your DD understand about this whole concept and how can you explain to her that it's very unlikely? Because my DS in year 1 wouldn't really even know what it meant properly (and we've covered things like Remembrance Day and been to memorials and stuff, and I still think he doesn't get what a world war is, it's just too big for them to contemplate). If the girl in her class is going around in graphic detail spouting horrible warnings about the apocalypse and all it entails, then having a word with the teacher would be a good idea, but don't go to the parent, it sounds like you wouldn't be listened to.

My kids aren't - they're getting on with having fun in and out of school.

Some parents should be banned from watching the news, as they can't be rational about it.

I'd be telling my daughter that sometimes adults get a bit wrapped up and carried away about things, and that this lady has apparently done this, and we need to nod and smile and not be rude, but she isn't to be taken very seriously. After all, apparently she thinks it's okay to call Mummy rude names to her daughter, so she can't be that clever, can she?

I'd also say, yup, sure, it's not the easiest time in the world today, but there always have been tough times, and we all muddle through somehow, and what can we do today to make the world a better place? Perhaps we could make a donation to a charity, and if so, which one, or donate some food items in the supermarket, and get her to help pick some?

I've always found that if kids are given an alternative focus for their worries, one that they can do something to feel they are making a difference, that really helps.

I imagine that woman is on MN, judging by all the "so scared WW3 has started" threads on here these days.

The woman is allowed to think that, and if her kid picked it up and spreads it round school it's not ideal. But she can't be the only one thinking such things!

I mean she could've said aliens were coming to take us all to their home planet. At least it is actually based on genuine current events.

Don't bother confront her. You don't like her. If it was one of your best mates who said that (out of genuine fear, (not trying to scare the children deliberately) then you probably wouldn't be so angry about it.

Just try and comfort your daughter and say that her friend's mum is just expressing her opinion, which you don't agree with.
But she doesn't have a crystal ball so she doesn't know anything about what's going to happen in future.
That no matter what you'll still be there to love and care for her.

It sounds a bit daft, but if she's scared of war maybe it would help to learn about it in a light-hearted way? Like watching old episodes of Dad's Army, or Allo Allo? Not historically accurate of course but seeing war in a comedy context might make it seem less threatening.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 excellent response.

I’d also ask her questions. What does she think WW3 is? What has she been told will happen? And then correct her. It’ll be good to know what’s actually going on inside her little brain if you don’t know already.

They are talking about it at school. My 11yo has been asking questions and I’ve explained to him that a lot of people are scared based on the headlines or social media they are watching, and that stuff isn’t always factually correct and we need to look at the actual facts, When we do that, we know that no, WW3 isn’t about to start.

You can’t police what other parents tell their children and you can’t really police what kids at school discuss.

I roll my eyes every time a moron says WW3 is round the corner, but this is a chance for you to explain to your kids the context of all the stuff they’re seeing on the news.

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at the other family.

I would be tempted to be childish here OP
’Tell Jessie that my mum said her mum is a drama llama’

Then wait for her to approach you all guns blazing before responding!

What exactly would you achieve by approaching this woman? She doesn't like you or your kids - do you really think she's going to care what you think or what you say? You can't police what she says to her kids. Concentrate on communicating to your daughter that she has nothing to worry about. Be breezy and firm that the other child's mother is a silly woman and we don't take any notice of what nonsense she comes out with.

I am not saying this to be provocative, and of course there are limits, but I don't believe it's helpful to protect children too much. It's understandable to want to protect children and to be angry when they're upset, but this is a teachable moment: they will hear this and similar things throughout their lives. They need to learn how to manage difficult emotions and critically analyse information, even now at age 6.

Of course they won't be equipped to critically analyse complex information themselves right now, so part of this process is having conversations with sensible adults about difficult topics. The advice previously posted on this thread on how to talk to children about WW3 was good and age-appropriate.

I would avoid dismissing other people and their worries as "silly", but rather deal with them logically to help her to begin to develop a better mental framework through which she can critically analyse information in future.

I just saw another post about a grown adult worried sick of the prospect of WW3 starting and I wonder whether that poster benefitted from open conversations about difficult topics when she was growing up, or whether her parents sought to protect her from them.

YABU. If my kids ask about the news I talk to them about it in an age appropriate way. You don’t know what the mum has said to her daughter. Better to focus on your own child and teaching her not to believe everything she hears/ chat it through with you. This will pass and in a couple of days when WW3 hasn’t started (🤞) she will learn a lesson.

In the meantime I’d suggest watching newsround or something with her, distraction (park/ swimming), fresh air (excellent for mental health) and not letting her see you’re angry or upset as this will make things worse.

You cannot police what other people say to their own children. How you feel about this woman, or her about you, is irrelevant.

You need to focus your efforts on teaching your daughter the difference between fact and rumour, on learning to come to you with her fears and concerns, and you on learning how to reassure her when she is afraid.

I know I shouldn’t approach her. You are all right. DH is going to pick DD up today, so if this woman tries to talk to him like she normally does he will probably say something, but he is better with his words than me.

I don’t think I handled DD very well last night, I’m not great when I’m tired and I’m even worse when I’m tired, hot, and pregnant. If she’s still on one after pets at home, I’m gonna have a proper sit down with her and try and work out what’s going on in her head.

I did address the chav comment from this woman when it happened. I just said “it’s not a good look to teach your child to be classist, it makes you look really ignorant.” I was actually quite proud of myself for not kicking off. Handled with pure middle class flair.

Yanbu as long as you are polite and civil about it a quick "My DD has told me your DD has said that you said WW3 is going to start. Whilst I appreciate you are worried about the situation, I would be grateful if you spoke to your DD about not going around telling other children about it as it's causing my DD alot of distress, which I'm sure you agree is not fair on her as children shouldn't carry adult worries. I'm sure they'll be other parents feeling the same way"

Maybe a calm email to the teacher. It sounds like discussions at home are being brought into the class. Someone needs to work out whether what was said was inappropriate- sounds like it was.

When DC (slightly older) caught similar on the news I explained how difficult it was in the region and sad for many civilians who just want peace, war threats are always made and make headlines, but diplomacy tends to bring things back.

I was really angry this morning and part of it was at this woman but also part of it was because I feel inequity to deal with this as a parent and I hate that :(

This. Ask your DD what she thinks WW3 even means. Why she assumes it will put her in any danger at all. War is happening and it does happen and she is very privileged to be born into the circumstances where her safety isn’t really a question (and likely wouldn’t be)

If your DD is beside herself with fear and anxiety maybe educate her further as well as teach her to manage her fears and emotions reasonably. A child her age is likely picturing a mass global apocalypse any minute. Listening for the sounds of missiles. Ground her in reality.