AIBU to start WW3 with this woman myself??

[Catsandcannedbeans]

DD6 is beside herself. One of her classmates mum’s has been telling her poor child that WW3 is going to happen, my DD heard this at school and is now beside herself. She’s been in our bed all night, she’s set her brother off as well. She’s not normally a cryer, she’s the type that would run around with a limb hanging off, so I’m actually kind of worried.

I am also not used to her being like this, so I’m not really great with it? We have tried all the normal things like Telling her it won’t happen and that that girls Mummy is just silly and then telling her “Mummy and Daddy would never let anything bad happen to you, I’ll bite my acrylics off and take them on myself if I have to.” - normally this would make her laugh and that would be the end of it. I can’t explain geopolitics to a 6 year old (I did try at 4am though, first time I’ve used my IR degree in ages lol).

In the interests of transparency, this girls mum does not like me, or my children. She’s very nice to my handsome husband though… which pisses me off a bit. DD has told me before her daughter has said “my mummy says your mummy is a chav” and DD has asked me want chav means. There is a real part of me that wants to go up to her at pick up and show her how much of a chav I am, but I won’t do that, I’m all peace and love now (twitching as I type).

Would I be being unreasonable to have a word with this woman? A polite and civilised word, I promise? I am pregnant and she has come between me and a good nights sleep… oh yes and my poor baby terrified. I did have a word with the teacher this morning, lovely lady, she said she would keep and eye on her and that lots of kids are anxious right now, but she knows this is very out of character for DD so understands why I’m worried.

YBU - do not say anything to this woman
YNBU - say something to her

Also any tips on how to help my DD would be appreciated. I’ve tried all the normal ways to calm her down, gonna take her to pets at home tonight to get a new toy for her cat in the hopes that distracts her.

YANBU OP
While you can’t police what other parents tell their children, I can’t understand why anyone would want to scare their young child over something like this. What use is there in discussing difficult political situations with a child?? I’m so glad politics was never talked about at home when I was a child.
This happened so much through the pandemic as well. Junior schools with BBC news on all day in communal areas and many children being irrationally anxious about germs and dying. It makes me sad. Let them be kids!

I’d say have a chat with her regardless of how she is after Pets at Home. Are you driving? I find kids are better at conversation in the car Why, I don’t know, but I get much more out of my kids chatting in the car.

I’d say something along the lines of “gosh, you were really struggling last night, weren’t you? What was it you were really frightened about?” and let her lead from there. If she says a generic WW3, ask her what she thinks WW3 is, and then gently guide her with the facts. Let her know she can always talk to you if someone says something at school that makes her scared.

We never know what they’re chatting about at school or what’s being said unless they come to us with it, sadly. Some of the things my kids have come home and said their friends are talking about 🤯🤯🤯

Don’t beat yourself up. We are all new at being a mum, we learn as we go. The “it takes a village” isn’t just about others looking after the kids and teaching them, it’s also about other mums and women guiding and looking out for each other too.

Plus your preggas, likely hot and bothered, running on no sleep and stressed. I prescribe a treat for you too, and not just the cat 🤣 ETA, not from Pets at Home though, not sure how much dog biscuits or bird feed will cheer you up 😆

I’d say to the dd “people talk a load of rubbish. Take no notice” and I’d leave it at that

Very sensible 😘 my 8 year grandchild was asking me similar questions....I told him...not to worry about adult life...and get out in the sunshine and his big trampoline....bounce and giggle is the way x

She might tell him she needs a cuddle as she's feeling scared

I’ve had this from my kids also OP although they are a bit older at 12 and 9 so I can explain the truth to them easier but I think parents who tell their kids stuff like this are of very, very low intelligence who are not able to understand the news beyond a headline or shite they read on Facebook. So many people are just really, really stupid and we can’t help that our children are then exposed to this so just have to manage it as best we can.

I would not minimise her feelings but tell her we all get scared sometimes and help her to find ways to cope with it. I would talk about evidence, and at the moment there is nothing to worry about in regards to war affecting us here. Get her to look about her and to notice how it's all normal and ok.

Six is the age kids often realise life is not all puppies and rainbows but that there is death and horror and that mum and dad can't always make it go away. I remember (long time ago now) realising I was going to die one day, and my parents when I was six. I did get over it but cried for a few days, what helped me then was knowing it was unlikely to happen for a long time. In fact my parents are now in their 90s!!

🤣

I think that something similar to this might have happened at my son's school as the head teacher had to have a reassuring "chat" with all the kids to put their minds at rest that wwiii is NOT imminent.

I'd talk to the school (mentioning no names) that there is upsetting gossip going around the playground that is seriously distressing your child. There may be more than one kid affected by this, if so the school should do something about it. Honestly, I'd take it seriously, its not on to do this to kids.

That would also put that snotty old bag and her poison back in place if the school had to step in.

You could do that, if you do, insist he be stern and firm.

That was an awful thing for the woman to do but it wasn't aimed at you, no doubt her little girl told several other children, some of whom won't understand and others will react like yours. I feel sorry for the kid.

Why not have a word with the class teacher, mentioning no names but saying a child has been told by a parent that WW3 is about to break out and said child has informed other children, causing great distress. The teacher can then tell the whole class that it is just a rumour and they have nothing to worry about (we hope that is the case but no point worrying in advance; I'm not, I think we'll muddle through and all will be well until the next crisis but I'm a glass half full person).

Your poor daughter! She, and you, have my sympathy.

He’s always stern with her, it’s actually pretty funny as he isn’t the stern type at all. I did have a little word with the teacher this morning and by the look on her face, I wasn’t the first person to mention it. Poor woman. I have a feeling she will say something at some point, she’s really good and DD loves her so I hope this will help.

Good for you, I think you've done the right thing. The school should take it seriously, it affects the children's emotional health and learning. As i say, the teachers had to do this at my son's school because some distressing gossip was being spread about, its not acceptable.

From last night, this is what DD is afraid of:

• Her dad and grandad getting conscripted (DH would be awful, but if they conscripted my dad god help the other side, he’s a menace!)
• An invasion
• Getting evacuated and having to live with strangers (they’ve learned about this at school, she’s very fixated on the idea of it).
• Us getting nuked… Who the fuck is telling their child about getting nuked???
• Having to live in a bunker.

I think she’s kind of just taken this idea and ran with it. She can be like that sometimes. That’s what I remember, but to be honest I was very tired. I know this other child has a lot of internet access (based on stuff she’s said in the past, and when she came to our house before). So I don’t actually know if this is all from her mum or not.

I would have a word with school and explain what's been said so that they can be a bit more vigilant and manage any conversations and maybe assess whether the other mum's child needs any support as well because I can't imagine this is a barrel of laughs for her either. You don't really have a clue what is actually being said though. Kids are terrible still at this age for misinterpreting things or just plain fabricating.

This is a good opportunity to talk to your child in an age appropriate way about helpful worries and unhelpful worries. 'Yes some countries are falling out a bit at the moment. I don't know for sure how the fighting is going to end and at the moment there's nothing else you or I can do to make these countries make friends and it's very unlikely to change much in our lives so we probably shouldn't think about it too much. Worrying a little about your spelling test can be helpful worry because it helps motivate you to practice. Worrying about a war is unhelpful because there's nothing we can do to control it'

Finally, it's obvious that you and this woman don't like each other. Don't underestimate how much kids pick up on this and don't put them in the middle of your drama triangle. Just try to make polite and unemotional responses to anything regarding this kid's mum and support a friendship between the kids regardless. If it's becoming too much then get dad to have a quiet word as per pp.

Reminds me of the mother who told my dd age 6 who was excited about a trip to London with mummy on the train that she wouldn't go to London as bad men blow people up on trains. I had a few choice words with her too. She started crying and bleating "But that's what happens. It does!!"

This is a fantastic reply 👏

I feel safer in the centre of London than my home town tbh. The problem is that lots of people have very little concept of proportionate risk. Terrorist attacks are extremely rare but big news. Car crashes less so. Drug and gang members who hang around streets and might knife somebody any moment less so. People who groom our kids in rural areas for county lines less so. School bullies who cause severe emotional and physical harm to kids less so.

How about you tell your DD what you believe and that she should only listen to you.

The other parent can believe/say what she wants and it's not for you to tell her

Just throwing another suggestion/theory out there... are you sure this is all coming from the girl at school? Has your DD accidentally stumbled onto this on YouTube? Could you tighten/check parental controls on devices.

Is she hearing adults talk about this in another setting? Ie: a grandparent that looks after her has been having a loud conversation about this whilst she's in ear shot?

Has she watched any movies about it? Even films like Chronicles of Narnia start with The Blitz bombing London.

Are they learning about War at the moment in school? It sounds like they're covering this as a class topic (seems really young, ours don't start till year 6).

I don’t mean to sidetrack the thread too much but this caught my eye: I’m so glad politics was never talked about at home when I was a child.

I mean there’s a difference between what you might discuss at 5 and 15 but surely a part of a parents job is to teach at least a basic degree of understanding of the world that the kids are growing up in?

I can’t imagine not talking about politics at the dinner table. How was the topic suppressed? If I picked up my parents newspaper and read something interesting about politics then I would be curious. If my sister saw something on the news then she might be inquisitive. I always felt like I could ask my parents.

With regards to WW3 nonsense, I would definitely have an age appropriate discussion with my daughter about this.

Agree
Usually I'm the last person to recommend siccing the big scary man on someone instead of doing it yourself but in this case it will piss her off more (and might actually work)

Don’t feed her drama. Laugh at it. Neutralise it. Be factual and reduce her impact.

What helped my similarly aged DD was to get a globe and look at where the countries currently affected by conflict are. Seeing quite how far away they were was very reassuring, plus has boosted her geographical knowledge a lot!

I know this other child has a lot of internet access (based on stuff she’s said in the past, and when she came to our house before). So I don’t actually know if this is all from her mum or not.

I'm not sure even the brightest 6 year old is going to come up with specific stuff about nukes, bunkers, conscription and evacuation from their own Googling. The Vietnam war was constantly on the news as a child of the same age and I can't remember much other than knowing it was A Bad Thing and the sound of the helicopters.

Talking to the teacher was the right thing to do.