AIBU to start WW3 with this woman myself??

[Catsandcannedbeans]

DD6 is beside herself. One of her classmates mum’s has been telling her poor child that WW3 is going to happen, my DD heard this at school and is now beside herself. She’s been in our bed all night, she’s set her brother off as well. She’s not normally a cryer, she’s the type that would run around with a limb hanging off, so I’m actually kind of worried.

I am also not used to her being like this, so I’m not really great with it? We have tried all the normal things like Telling her it won’t happen and that that girls Mummy is just silly and then telling her “Mummy and Daddy would never let anything bad happen to you, I’ll bite my acrylics off and take them on myself if I have to.” - normally this would make her laugh and that would be the end of it. I can’t explain geopolitics to a 6 year old (I did try at 4am though, first time I’ve used my IR degree in ages lol).

In the interests of transparency, this girls mum does not like me, or my children. She’s very nice to my handsome husband though… which pisses me off a bit. DD has told me before her daughter has said “my mummy says your mummy is a chav” and DD has asked me want chav means. There is a real part of me that wants to go up to her at pick up and show her how much of a chav I am, but I won’t do that, I’m all peace and love now (twitching as I type).

Would I be being unreasonable to have a word with this woman? A polite and civilised word, I promise? I am pregnant and she has come between me and a good nights sleep… oh yes and my poor baby terrified. I did have a word with the teacher this morning, lovely lady, she said she would keep and eye on her and that lots of kids are anxious right now, but she knows this is very out of character for DD so understands why I’m worried.

YBU - do not say anything to this woman
YNBU - say something to her

Also any tips on how to help my DD would be appreciated. I’ve tried all the normal ways to calm her down, gonna take her to pets at home tonight to get a new toy for her cat in the hopes that distracts her.

Speak to the head teacher.

This sort of crap needs to be handled carefully. She is basically encouraging her dd to bully yours and that's not on.

Retaliation will make it worse, so let the school deal with it.

As far as the evacuation worries are concerned, reassure her that you’d never let that happen. My mum should have been evacuated in WW2 but my grandmother refused. Does she worry she’d be dragged from you? That didn’t happen in WW2 and of course wouldn’t happen now.

My 6 year old wouldn’t fully understand the idea of WW3!
Makes me wonder what’s been said exactly and how graphic the woman has been/what her daughter is repeating.

I’d write into the school (not naming names but generally) our school released a letter about the Isreal-Palestine situation and about being careful what kids see/hear/how we talk to them about it.

Don’t confront this woman, but comfort your daughter

After it was announced schools were closing in 2020, it was decided we needed a circle time to give the children a chance to ask questions/share worries. First child announced, "if you get Corona you WILL DIE." Which was nice.

Fortunately, we were quickly sidetracked by the far more important issue of whether the Easter Bunny would be able come.

Not read everything, but I would phone the school and let them know. They will probably have other anxious children

All the 6 year old are talking about it? How and why are they all being exposed to such mature news/conversations?

I find it odd that she won’t calm down at your words of reassurance. What does she think WW3 is?

Honestly this was my main concern. She’s normally dead easy to calm down, and on the few occasion I’ve not managed to calm her down her dad always can. I’m hoping it was partly because she was so tired.

Well she sounds lovely :(((

But, I think the best course of action here is to be factual.
There are wars on earth, but there are always wars.
The UK is not at war.
There is no indication that ww3 is about to start.
There have been 2 world wars in the past and the world didnt end.
Some people believe in all sorts of things, ghosts, unicorns, magic etc and it doesnt make them true, but they are entitled to their views. We don't have to listen to them.
The internet is full of made up stuff.
We don't have to agree with people and we don't have to like or listen to them either.
We can form our own opinions and we can do that by educating ourselves on the issues.

How old is your dd. My sons 7 and he is quite opinionated. He knows the news and internet is not always true and that we should question other viewpoints if we do not agree and even if we do agree then still not to blindly follow others views.

Maybe you can arm her with some debating skills And a little knowledge.
I mean if shes 4 then its a bit different.

I had an issue eith my eldest before where he didnt have all the facts about something he had been hearing, intetnaised it and started acting really strange, we dug into it and found out he had misinterpreted and misunderstood something where we had tried to avoid speaking about it in front of him and he had overheard things and got the wrong understanding. So I did learn from that and now think honesty and facts are the best way.

Maybe this is part of the issue. If she is completely shielded from news and media then how can she form any opinion apart from what others have said.
What about a dubscription to childrens version of The Week, or watching bbc newsround for example. Let her learn about things and form an opinion, otherwise all she will know about world affairs is from playground rumours.
Otherwise, she is basically chicken licken thinking the sky is falling down because the fox said so.

What if the mum is right though?

Still no point in children being anxious about it now or whilst it happens.

It’s the parents duty to keep children calm. You don’t rile them up and send them to school to wind up their peers.

You keep them calm.

Aw please reassure her as much as you can. I remember the October 1962 missile crisis - the fear everywhere was palpable. I suffered nightmares regarding nuclear attacks from then until the Soviet Union broke up!

Even if you're lying through your teeth tell her it really isn't going to happen.

My 11 yo was a little concerned and I explained to him about how there are adult people in the world who’s job it is to worry about this, and in this country massive institutions dedicated to keeping us safe.

I know as adults we do question the competence of those in charge from time to time - and we realise as we mature they aren’t special with any superpowers - but it’s not for children to be thinking this.

If she’s is and we are nuked we would be fizzled out of existence by the blast because of where we are so it wouldn’t matter. My dad said I should just tell her that, but I don’t tend to take parenting advice from him often as his methods are often questionable.

Your Dad is an absolute tool 🙄

Good bloody god don’t tell her that!

Then unless you're planning to emigrate to escape there's nothing that you or your child can do. Even if you could see the future and knew for a fact we were all going to be fried by a nuclear bomb in a year's time would you tell your 6YO? Or would you just make sure that you all had the best damned year of your life?

I actually fine this thought about the nukes curiously comforting!

If your dh is capable and you’re sure it’s this mum I’d get him to say rather coldly I can’t tell you how to parent your own child but I would appreciate if you stop terrifying other people’s children, who in their right mind tells 6 year olds there will be a war, their dads will be conscripted and we will all live in bunkers until a nuclear bomb wipes us out, are you on drugs? If this is your own anxiety talking get a grip on it and stop taking it out on children.

I don't know if this would work, but I'd tell her that all the things she mentioned don't happen anymore, and that if something bad happened, none of you would know about it - no pain, no separation. If she believes in heaven, tell her you'd all go from here to there in an instant and still be together. If she asks about the dog, I cannot provide advice on whether dogs are allowed in heaven (particularly because I don't believe in heaven), but there's no reason to not lump Fido in too. You're calming her, not actually preparing her for confirmation.

I feared conscription until my first DH was too old - which is utterly ridiculous for so, so many reasons, but especially as he was in what was a protected role during WW2. I am the most sane and rational person you could meet, but that was laced with anxiety for so many years. The idea of conscription sort of stuck every time the Middle East warmed up. It is a nasty thing to think of as a child and as an adult.

As for disciplining the loose tongued harpy, you're definitely doing the right thing by sending in the cavalry. Why bother agonising over what to say yourself when he can obviously work his charms? That she thinks anyone with an IR degree is a chav really does show abject ignorance, acrylics or no.

😂questionable 😂
Oh my goodness, 2 stressed children and pregnancy sleeplessness.
I think distraction, comfort and white lies all the way at that age. Practical tasks and physical activity are good for refocusing/tiring an overactive mind.

Poor you. Good luck.

Your dh should say you have a close family member in the armed forces and he thinks it's disgusting anyone would be gossiping about a subject like wwiii

‘Gossiping’? We have only hearsay from a six year old that her classmate’s mother ‘has told her WW3 is going to happen’. We have no idea what the context or content of that discussion was, far less that this woman was ‘gossiping’ (weird term) rather than understandably concerned by current international politics and acts of war.

You may understandably wish she talked less freely about it in front of her child, if indeed this was the case, (because it sounds as if the OP’s or the other child has absorbed evacuation from WW2, or perhaps from Ukrainian or Gazan children at school. When DS was in primary, he had Ukrainian children joining his class, some traumatised, many with dads in the army, so knowledge of that war was never something they could be protected from. He’s now in secondary, but I believe his old school is also hosting some Gazan children who were medically evacuated here.) But other people’s parenting isn’t something you can do anything about. Asking the teacher to have a word is fair.

My DC went through a stage of fearing death or getting cancer and dying etc. What seemed to have helped them best was being told Life comes with good and bad experiences and we deal with the bad ones if and when they happen. Worrying about bad things happening doesn't stop bad things from happening but it does stop you from enjoying the good things.