AIBU to start WW3 with this woman myself??

[Catsandcannedbeans]

DD6 is beside herself. One of her classmates mum’s has been telling her poor child that WW3 is going to happen, my DD heard this at school and is now beside herself. She’s been in our bed all night, she’s set her brother off as well. She’s not normally a cryer, she’s the type that would run around with a limb hanging off, so I’m actually kind of worried.

I am also not used to her being like this, so I’m not really great with it? We have tried all the normal things like Telling her it won’t happen and that that girls Mummy is just silly and then telling her “Mummy and Daddy would never let anything bad happen to you, I’ll bite my acrylics off and take them on myself if I have to.” - normally this would make her laugh and that would be the end of it. I can’t explain geopolitics to a 6 year old (I did try at 4am though, first time I’ve used my IR degree in ages lol).

In the interests of transparency, this girls mum does not like me, or my children. She’s very nice to my handsome husband though… which pisses me off a bit. DD has told me before her daughter has said “my mummy says your mummy is a chav” and DD has asked me want chav means. There is a real part of me that wants to go up to her at pick up and show her how much of a chav I am, but I won’t do that, I’m all peace and love now (twitching as I type).

Would I be being unreasonable to have a word with this woman? A polite and civilised word, I promise? I am pregnant and she has come between me and a good nights sleep… oh yes and my poor baby terrified. I did have a word with the teacher this morning, lovely lady, she said she would keep and eye on her and that lots of kids are anxious right now, but she knows this is very out of character for DD so understands why I’m worried.

YBU - do not say anything to this woman
YNBU - say something to her

Also any tips on how to help my DD would be appreciated. I’ve tried all the normal ways to calm her down, gonna take her to pets at home tonight to get a new toy for her cat in the hopes that distracts her.

We don’t have a TV (well we have one in our room, but she doesn’t get to watch it unless it’s family movie night kind of thing) and she doesn’t watch YouTube. I am pretty sure it’s from school as it started when I picked her up yesterday.

As for grandparents (in laws) I’ve texted them to let them know as they’re having her on Friday. I’ll keep an eye out for that tho. I don’t think in laws or my mum would but sometimes my dad doesn’t think before he speaks. Might interrogate him a bit.

With the evacuees thing we had to explain to DD3 how different transport was back then to make her realise it wouldn't happen again.

We explained that sometimes in war people had to move quickly and showed her how few cars, trains and planes there were to explain why children had to move for a long period rather than going back and forth.

It stuck with, and terrified her, just because of the way she focussed on it.

Honestly she could have heard this in the playground from other children, on tv, on the radio. You need to work on your daughter and resilience to hearing things like this.

newsround is brilliant for covering stuff like this in an age appropriate way. The poster who asked what it means to your daughter asks a good question.
For most kids thinking about world war makes them think of remembrance Sunday, is she thinking it will be like trench warfare, ww2? Talk to her. Also don’t tell her it won’t happen. God forbid it does, but none of us know what tomorrow will bring.

So true 👏

Your DD is going to hear all sorts of hysterical nonsense, half truths, dangerous advice, and lies over her school career and beyond. There's some great advice on here about how to speak to her.

You cannot control other people or the world around DD. She's going to need to learn to think clearly, get second opinions and keep rational and calm. I'm glad you aren't going to confront the other mum. Have you searched Newsround for coverage on the story? They often do a good job of putting things in perspective and explaining things in a child friendly way.

Best of luck.

I’d tell her that some people really enjoy being over-dramatic, because they’re attention-seekers.

I’d also add that having called you a chav she is evidently stupid as well as rude, so not worth listening to about anything.

This is exactly what I was going to suggest. ‘This is country x, they have fallen out with country y. Country z is helping. Look how far away all these places are. It is a bit scary but we aren’t affected luckily.’

Laughing at or dismissing fears as rubbish is really unkind. If I was terrified about something I would be very upset to not be taken seriously.

Have a word with her teacher. They can probably give a bit of reassurance to all the children in the class including this mother’s poor child.

JFC what is wrong with some people???

My primary aged DGC are coming home from school with similar worries. I just tell them when I start worrying, they can start but right now, I have no worries

@mbosnznails it - excellent response. 👏🏼

Please can you come and give me a pep talk 🤣

In your position I’d have a look at newsround. It’s actual news but written and presented in a no nonsense, minimising anxiety way and see if it’s something you could watch a bit with your daughter.

Id also see if I could find some reassuring, child friendly resources about the role of the UN, nato, G7 etc.

Sometimes having facts is a lot less worrying, even if those facts are scary, than the ideas in your head.

One of my favourite things posters say on Mumsnet is something like, “nurse here/lawyer here/queen of the roast dinner here” and I’ve never had the opportunity until now to use it about myself. Until now.

Chav here, go old school. If she does one more thing that annoys you, tell her you’ll bottle her Nan. Really shit her up 😂

Or carry on being all classy but I know which one would make a more interesting thread 😂

I was coming on to recommend news round but can see it's already been mentioned.
Also I did notice both of mine around this age went from being quite happy go lucky to having worries about various things. I know a lot of kids who have gone through phases of being worried about death at this sort of age. I think it's part of growing up and being a bit more aware of how the world works and possible future events rather than just their immediate surroundings and whatever they're doing in the moment. So it's possible that if she wasn't worrying about this she would be worrying about something else instead.

Alot of people believe we're on the brink of ww3 (alot of people believed ww2 would never happen to be fair aswell)

There's no way of knowing what's around the corner but we can make a educated guess that A) wars will carry on & B) the UK would team with Canada/Australia/New Zealand ect. Before they re-entre it with the US so I don't think it's entirely a given that they would be able to go into a typical war from the back of this israel-iran-situation

this. Gently explore what was actually said and what she understands by it if you haven't already done this. This won't be the only idiot adult that your child meets so better to help her to deal with it than to rip the idiot adult a new one with your sharpened gels. I don't do gets but I'd want to do that too though.

Calmly offer to explain geo politics to the twat faced Mum at pick up and make her look and feel foolish. Conclude with the suggestion she doesn’t bother your children with it again and that you are always happy to help inform uneducated views if needs be.

I would be livid if someone had done this to my children. I am really sorry yours are so distressed right now.

This sounds more like an issue to solve with your DD than with the other Mum.

DD is going to hear a lot of things over the next 10+ years in school. The world ending will come up quite frequently if my own school days are anything to go by, but it continues to turn nonetheless. You will not stop people telling their kids bizarre conspiracies or silly overreactions, or stop those kids from bringing them into school.

DD's reaction to a classmate with a weird take on the news is unusual and I'd want to investigate why it's caused her so much anxiety, what she thinks WW3 would look like, and why she puts so much stock by her friend's opinion.

If she knows that even if WW3 happens, it won't result in Daddy getting shipped off to the front never to return, Mummy staying in the city to get bombed and her being evacuated to work on a farm, but more likely just fluctuations in oil prices, will she feel better?

Oh also I remember one of mine worrying about another war happening when they learnt about evacuees at school (so without any particular current conflict triggering it).

Well, WW3 might happen. It's good that your daughter's friend's mum is being realistic. You need to keep your own children informed about current affairs, including the not so nice stuff, so they will build resilience.

This. A lot of children's fears are built on the unknown.
Your child is old enough to know that bad things are going on in the world. You can be the ones to explain them to her in an age appropriate way. Yes, there are bad people out there who want to hurt other people, but fortunately there are also good people who are doing their best to keep everyone safe. And mummy knows more than this silly woman as she works in IR (even if she does have 'chavvy' nails. (FWIW I don't think having your nails done makes you a chav hahahaha and if you have an IR degree and a good job you are clearly smart)

You win the whole of mn 💜

Bottle her nan 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I wouldn't approach her. I think you've done the right thing mentioning it to the teacher, and hopefully if she hears talk of it bought up in the class she can reassure the children.

It sounds like the mum is a bit of an idiot who talks to, or within listening range of her child, about things are are clearly not appropriate (not just the WW3 stuff but also the comment about you being a chav). I would reassure your daughter in whatever way you think is appropriate. I would perhaps say that whilst there is conflict at the moment that there have been many times where there have been conflicts which have not then resulted in WW3 . You know your child best and what she will find reassuring in this situation. I would also avoid having the news on around her for some time, but perhaps instead show her some good news stories to help her see that whilst this is a difficult time politically that there is still a lot of hope and joy in the world.

I'm quite honest with my 7 year old but there is no need for a child to know the gory details about a war that may or may not involve us. There is definitely no need to be speculating wildly that things will happen that are based on archaic ideas of wars from decades ago. Conscription and evacuation for example are highly unlikely events. What is a young child going to do with this information? How is it even going to better prepare them if something awful does happen?

If you want something that will generate a comparible amount of pointless anxiety in an adult then I challenge any adults on here who think we should be talking about wars with 6 YOs to watch a couple of Youtube documentries about Hiroshima and then see how well you sleep at night...