AIBU to start WW3 with this woman myself??

[Catsandcannedbeans]

DD6 is beside herself. One of her classmates mum’s has been telling her poor child that WW3 is going to happen, my DD heard this at school and is now beside herself. She’s been in our bed all night, she’s set her brother off as well. She’s not normally a cryer, she’s the type that would run around with a limb hanging off, so I’m actually kind of worried.

I am also not used to her being like this, so I’m not really great with it? We have tried all the normal things like Telling her it won’t happen and that that girls Mummy is just silly and then telling her “Mummy and Daddy would never let anything bad happen to you, I’ll bite my acrylics off and take them on myself if I have to.” - normally this would make her laugh and that would be the end of it. I can’t explain geopolitics to a 6 year old (I did try at 4am though, first time I’ve used my IR degree in ages lol).

In the interests of transparency, this girls mum does not like me, or my children. She’s very nice to my handsome husband though… which pisses me off a bit. DD has told me before her daughter has said “my mummy says your mummy is a chav” and DD has asked me want chav means. There is a real part of me that wants to go up to her at pick up and show her how much of a chav I am, but I won’t do that, I’m all peace and love now (twitching as I type).

Would I be being unreasonable to have a word with this woman? A polite and civilised word, I promise? I am pregnant and she has come between me and a good nights sleep… oh yes and my poor baby terrified. I did have a word with the teacher this morning, lovely lady, she said she would keep and eye on her and that lots of kids are anxious right now, but she knows this is very out of character for DD so understands why I’m worried.

YBU - do not say anything to this woman
YNBU - say something to her

Also any tips on how to help my DD would be appreciated. I’ve tried all the normal ways to calm her down, gonna take her to pets at home tonight to get a new toy for her cat in the hopes that distracts her.

‘With pure middle class flair’ agh cringing!!

But in all seriousness, I have parents in the armed forces in my son’s class and there tends to be quite a bit of talk around nukes, missiles and wars.

I definitely wouldn’t say anything to the parents. Just find ways to reassure. Teach them about NATO and explain that wars are not just bombing and they look very different in modern times (cyber attacks, etc). I am sorry your daughter is upset and worried.

Based on the fact that the other mother gossips to her child about op being a chav. It's been established that she's a gossiping wind-up merchant. We're all talking hypothetically here, i very much doubt op's dh will have to confront this woman, and school dealing with it should be enough. But this woman has form.

Again, we’re talking hearsay between six year olds.

When DS was about seven, he came home upset because one of his classmates said his mum said I was ‘a weirdo’. I wasn’t going to get upset about what I woman I barely knew by sight thought of me, if indeed that is what she said, and it wasn’t just the invention of a child trying to upset another child.

It may well have been true that she did think I was a weirdo — I was a foreigner who got around by bicycle and worked FT in a place where those things were individually very rare, and unheard of in combination! Either way, it’s hardly something to get bent out of shape about.

The OP’s concern here needs to be equipping her child with the ability to deal with what she’s hearing.

It will end in tears. Have a chat with the teacher as your dd may not be the only one worried or has been told this by the child.

Oh dear, should I consider myself told off 😂

Hi all.

The mother of the other child went to chat to my DH at pick up today. He told her DD was not great yesterday and asked her what she was saying to her DD, she went on about how she is soooo anxious. He told her to talk to her GP about it… very sassy of him I must say. He was pretty pleased with himself.

When DD got in the car with him he was “ready to do some great parenting” and had a whole reassuring speech planned out… she was fine. The teacher had a word with them today, what DD took from this is “if there was like a cyberattack do you think we would have no homework?” And then went on asking what’s for tea. I am very thankful to her teacher, she will definitely be getting a great end of year present - no shitty “worlds best teacher” mug for her.

Excellent outcome all round 👏

I'm still cross that your poor dd was so upset, I hope she's feeling loads better now.

When there was all the publicity about Madeleine McCann missing, one of the boys in my daughters class (8 year olds) became hysterical and cause mass hysteria with a lot of his classmates, thankfully not my daughter, because his mother had told him there is a bad man that takes children outbid their beds at night!

There was quite a big todo about it at the time and the mum was spoken to by other mums in the playground because their child was now frightened!

News about what is going on in the world is important but should not be told to children in such a way as to cause fear.

Great news. I can completely relate to your daughter’s fear. In the eighties when I was a similar age, I was in tears one night because I was terrified of a nuclear attack by Russia. Got out of bed to go downstairs to be consoled by my Mum. I can’t remember what set it off, but I still remember today how scared I was and what it felt like

That just unlocked a memory of my mum waking up in the night during a thunderstorm in the 80s thinking that the war had started. It didn't help that our next door neighbours were prepping a shelter and always banging on about nuclear attacks.

Poor kids. The last thing they need is adults putting scary ideas in their heads at primary school. Imagine actually talking about wwiii with a 6 year old? It's not appropriate.

My grandmother would always go indoors when the Dunlop blimp went over (quite frequently where we lived) and she only told me when I was an an adult she hated it because it reminded her of the Zeppelin raids of WW1.

Small children don't need to be frightened out of their wits about things we can't control, let alone 6 year olds being able to do anything about.

Well done to you for staying calm, DH for standing up for his family & the class teacher for being a good teacher!
I hope DD is feeling ok now.
It sounds like you have a solid family.....maybe the other mum is envious? Hence her unkind & scare mongering comments.

Yeah I agree. My kids don't know anything about it, and nor should they. If they can't understand it, they shouldn't have to worry about it. They're children.

I'm glad things are sorted now; your husband and the teacher are stars!

@Active13 DD has been absolutely fine today and yesterday, even went to bed (her own bed) early which is unheard of!!! As for the jealous thing, mum always told me growing up “she’s just jealous of you!!” Whenever someone was mean, and I (rightly or wrongly) internalised it into adulthood. She does seem anxious though and I feel a bit bad for her. I am glad that I didn’t go in and say anything in my sleep deprived state, because I’d probably have come off looking bad. I am crabby when I’m tired, DH is much more diplomatic and calm.

Summer holidays started here now so she won’t have to deal with any school stuff. As PPs have suggested, if she has any questions I’m going to answer them, and maybe show her some newround as a child friendly way to show her some news.

Child development says otherwise. It’s a good chance that anxious adult was an anxious child who didn’t have healthy moderating role models.

we do protect children and at 6, and proactively looking to discuss death and destruction is not healthy parenting. It’s much better to reassure them they are safe. Kids have wild imaginations and it’s best to direct that into safe territory not the what of WW3

I’d be interested to see your sources for this.

Shielding can backfire because children pick up on adult anxiety, overhear conversations, or encounter information - exactly as this child did. Without guidance, they can fill gaps in their knowledge with their imagination, which can create more anxiety than reality would, and again this seems to have been borne out in the example from the original post.

Research supports providing simple, honest explanations that focus on safety and stability rather than graphic details. The key is following the child's lead and answering their specific questions without overwhelming them with additional information they haven't requested. More topic avoidance is also associated with worse mental health outcomes.

That was a reply to the post above; forgot to quote it.

https://www.unicef.org.uk/what-we-do/emergency-response/how-to-talk-to-children-about-war-and-conflict/ I hope this might help .. positive
news today website helps me balance all the negative stuff. Maybe share that too

Nice.

“Having open conversations with children and young people about how they’re feeling, and sharing how you feel too, is one of the best ways you can support them.”

This didn't work on my DS, he was absolutely convinced until he was about 12.

I love your kid, and I don't even know him!