AIBU to refuse to pay for friend’s suitcase

[mummysmagicmedicine]

Hello everyone

Buckle up this may be a long one.
My friends and I are going on our annual long weekend abroad. We have known each other since we were teenagers and are now all 30’s and married with kids. There is 6 of us total.

My friend in question, let’s call her Mary. Mary has several holidays a year and eats out etc at least 3 nights a week. She has been like that since we were teenagers and would go clubbing more nights a week than not yet claims she can’t afford xyz. She’s always been financially impulsive like this but I also understand everyone’s financial situations and priorities are different. The reason I have mentioned this will be relevant towards the end of the post. Her travel plans to the airport have fallen through, neither her nor her DH drive so she can’t drive and she said she cannot afford a cab, refuses to get rail replacement or a bus or coach because she can’t do those, suggested she takes a travel sickness tablet but she said she can’t take those. She also has never suffered from travel sickness in all the time I’ve known her (since school) but I’m aware this can change. She doesn’t live locally to us any more but none of us live closer than an hour to each other but requested one of us drive to central London to pick her up the night before (a four hour round trip on a good day). Due to work and childcare commitments, none of us will be able to pick her up the night before anyway but none of us could house her either. I am the only one with spare rooms but we will be having large building works at the time so we won’t have any space for an extra person.

She says she can’t afford a hotel so can’t stay at the airport the night before. Back to the point, I was supposed to be sharing a suitcase with her, only going Friday to Monday so no point having a large checked bag to myself so we were going to share. Unfortunately as she doesn’t think she’ll be able to make the holiday now, she’s requested I pay her back the £50 for her half of the suitcase (I booked but she transferred) as she won’t be using the suitcase now if she won’t be coming and she’s already losing out money for cancelling her holiday. I am sympathetic because a few hundred pounds is a lot to lose but equally especially with our current renovations, I haven’t financially planned to lose an extra £50 when I won’t be using the whole suitcase anyway but she is demanding I pay her £50. I don’t want to lose a friendship over this, we’ve been close for ages, bridesmaids at each other’s weddings etc but equally especially with the holidays coming up and paying for childcare/ entertainment for the kids on top of our existing renovations I don’t want to lose £50.

For context, the remaining four in my group and work collegues etc think I shouldn’t have to pay Mary £50 because if she’s cancelling her holiday, that’s not to do with me as unfortunate as it is but I’m keen to hear an outsider’s POV.

YABU- I should pay Mary £50 because she’s not using the suitcase anymore

YANBU- don’t pay Mary £50

Thank you lovelies!

‘Sorry Mary, I cannot afford it. You’re the one who has changed the arrangements; I cannot afford to subsidise your decision to do that’.

It's not unfair 1) I say I understand the annoyance 2) No one wants to be out of pocket when it's not justified, so bringing up finances either way is irrelevant 3) It's not relevant what would happen if Mary booked her own suitcase – she didn't, and was sharing from someone who is now solely benefiting from the suitcase.

She can't take public transport as she obviously has to carry all her clothes/ shoes/toiletries in her arms before meeting up with OP at the airport 🤣

Seriously, she seems to be looking for a reason not to go - is just excuse after excuse after excuse 🙄

Personally, I'd give her the 50 quid and be done with it. In the grand scheme of things it's not a lot to add on to a holiday.

Tight is often how people get to be well off....

Mary is a melt. I wouldn't pay her a single cent. But I wouldn't be friends with such a useless princess in the first place, if that's how she normally behaves. It would get on my nerves. A non-driving adult, living in central London, unable to get herself to the airport using public transport and 'doesn't want to stay in hotel alone'? Girl, bye.

I'm sorry, but Mary needs to realise she's not 15 and she needs to put on her big girl's pants. Just say no.

P.S. Sharing suitcases is a very bad idea (unless it's your own kids etc.). It looks very suspicious from a security perspective.

So you paid £100 for a bigger suitcase because you factored in Mary sharing it with you. Otherwise there would have been £0 cost. I presume Mary has paid half of that.

At this point, you paid £50 for the suitcase.

Mary now wants £50 refund because she can’t get her shit together and take a bus/train like any other normal person.

If you do, you are £50+£50 = £100 down because you agreed to share it with the flake in the first place.

One can argue she owes you the remaining £50 because £100 was incurred based on the fact you were going to share.

Mary sounds a bit entitled, i’d pay her £25 as a goodwill gesture if the fallout is not worth it and would never travel or accommodate her again.

4 hour roundtrip to London to pick up this princess?… stuff that.

Has she actually cancelled, or is she still "thinking about it"? Is she likely to change her mind and come after all (after you've given her the £50 of course!)?

Yes, we need answers OP!

and quite frankly it’s just 3 nights away, why does anyone need hold luggage? If ‘Mary’ was going to come on the train carrying a packing cube, she could just have easily stuck the packing cube in an under seat bag.

considering this is an annual thing, to go abroad as a group, how the hell has Mary managed before? Please enlighten us!

Airlines aren’t great at refunds

Excellent point. Hopefully it's the one who bought the beige suitcase 20 years ago that really doesn't need returning.

But if it is OP, does it mean OP has already paid for the suitcase and is hoping to recoup from flaky friend? If so she can kiss the money bye bye.

If it was friend, why would she have booked and paid for someone else's suitcase that she didn't even have?

I think we really need to know how many PNR's there are, where the hold suitcases are, who paid whom for the tickets... need a LOT more information before we can answer OP's question.

I really don’t like the sound f Mary. I wouldn’t refund her and I’d dump her.

I do like to start my day with reading a totally batshit insane Mumsnet thread 😁

Thanks @BadLad for making me laugh out loud.

I'm guessing the packing cube was in addition to carry on or may have included stuff that wouldn't have been able to pass through security like lots of liquids otherwise the plan didn't make much sense in the first place.

But to answer the OP I'd send her £50 and exit the friendship as she sounds self-centered and entitled and I can't stand people like that

This.

Also, she wants £50 back but would be ok if you travelled 4 hrs roundtrip to pick her up, FOR FREE!

CF on top of all else.

I think I would just say sorry I’ve checked with the airline but they don’t offer refunds for people that simply decide not to come on the trip. The fact you’re still going to check a suitcase in doesn’t matter - you won’t be using her ‘half’ of the space - surely you’d be taking the same amount of stuff as if it were still being shared!

If she’s cheeky enough to have asked for you to pay her, you can be cheeky enough to say no.

Can you send me 50 quid for free then

Amazon, and 10kg for a weekend is tonnes. Ours rarely weighs more than 8kg and that’s for winter weekend trips too.

I was actually wondering how they would have answered the “ did you pack this yourself? ” question at check-in.

But didn’t give it much thought as was more distracted wondering how Mary was going to get all her luggage to the airport without the suitcase and also how much more luggage you get into half a shared suitcase than you could have just put into a cabin bag of your own.

Mary sounds like an entitled CF.

Hi Mary

Eh?! They just say yes they have, which is true. It’s like any other couple or family that travel together.

This! You can buy a backpack or shoulder style bag of the right dimensions which easily fits what you’d need for a 3 night stay. The whole thing is batshit.

and as also pointed out, unless you’re literally packing a suitcase together, seeing every item which goes in, how can you honestly answer the standard security questions about whether you packed your own luggage and whether you have any banned items?

this all sounds so batshit - I certainly wouldn’t entertain the idea of paying £100 for hold luggage and sharing with someone as unreliable as ‘Mary’. And please do tell us OP how the hell you’ve managed all your previous girly trips abroad?

She sounds like a pain who is refusing every possible solution suggested so I assume she is trying to find an excuse to not go.

If I didn't care about losing her friendship then I wouldn't pay.

If I did care about her friendship and could afford it I'd pay for the sake of £50. But wouldn't be sharing a suitcase with her again.

If I did care about her friendship but couldn't afford it then I'd compromise on £25. And also wouldn't be sharing a suitcase with her again.