AIBU to refuse to pay for friend’s suitcase

[mummysmagicmedicine]

Hello everyone

Buckle up this may be a long one.
My friends and I are going on our annual long weekend abroad. We have known each other since we were teenagers and are now all 30’s and married with kids. There is 6 of us total.

My friend in question, let’s call her Mary. Mary has several holidays a year and eats out etc at least 3 nights a week. She has been like that since we were teenagers and would go clubbing more nights a week than not yet claims she can’t afford xyz. She’s always been financially impulsive like this but I also understand everyone’s financial situations and priorities are different. The reason I have mentioned this will be relevant towards the end of the post. Her travel plans to the airport have fallen through, neither her nor her DH drive so she can’t drive and she said she cannot afford a cab, refuses to get rail replacement or a bus or coach because she can’t do those, suggested she takes a travel sickness tablet but she said she can’t take those. She also has never suffered from travel sickness in all the time I’ve known her (since school) but I’m aware this can change. She doesn’t live locally to us any more but none of us live closer than an hour to each other but requested one of us drive to central London to pick her up the night before (a four hour round trip on a good day). Due to work and childcare commitments, none of us will be able to pick her up the night before anyway but none of us could house her either. I am the only one with spare rooms but we will be having large building works at the time so we won’t have any space for an extra person.

She says she can’t afford a hotel so can’t stay at the airport the night before. Back to the point, I was supposed to be sharing a suitcase with her, only going Friday to Monday so no point having a large checked bag to myself so we were going to share. Unfortunately as she doesn’t think she’ll be able to make the holiday now, she’s requested I pay her back the £50 for her half of the suitcase (I booked but she transferred) as she won’t be using the suitcase now if she won’t be coming and she’s already losing out money for cancelling her holiday. I am sympathetic because a few hundred pounds is a lot to lose but equally especially with our current renovations, I haven’t financially planned to lose an extra £50 when I won’t be using the whole suitcase anyway but she is demanding I pay her £50. I don’t want to lose a friendship over this, we’ve been close for ages, bridesmaids at each other’s weddings etc but equally especially with the holidays coming up and paying for childcare/ entertainment for the kids on top of our existing renovations I don’t want to lose £50.

For context, the remaining four in my group and work collegues etc think I shouldn’t have to pay Mary £50 because if she’s cancelling her holiday, that’s not to do with me as unfortunate as it is but I’m keen to hear an outsider’s POV.

YABU- I should pay Mary £50 because she’s not using the suitcase anymore

YANBU- don’t pay Mary £50

Thank you lovelies!

What kind of travel plans did she have to the airport that has fallen thru.. you listed all the usual ways ppl get to the airport as not do able so how was she planning to get there that suddenly cant be done?

Honestly, I think that she has just changed her mind and doesn't want to go any more. She has an excuse for rejecting every solution that you have suggested. How does she normally get to the airport when she goes on one of her multiple holidays per year?

@latetothefisting it was relevant as you can clearly see the question the op asked is AIBU to refuse up pay for my friends suitcase, not AIBU to pay for my friends share of the cost of putting our suitcase in the hold.
Also I was the first person to reply to the op, she then clarified that her question wasn’t clear and I answered her actual question thereafter

I would offer half £25 to refund her and lesson learned.

If probably pay her because I wouldn't want the conflict but I wouldn't share a suitcase with her again. She sounds like she expects way too much from other people anyway and doesn't sound like someone id want to be friends with tbh. I wouldn't expect anyone to go out of their way to pick me up, I wouldn't expect to stay at someone's house the night before. I might ask if I thought it wouldn't put someone out too much but I'd respect if they said no and make other arrangements to get there myself.

She's not being accountable. So her friends can't help her out with her holiday travel which means she's cancelling the whole thing? I think that's unfair on the whole group letting people down like that.

This is clearly the next fodder for the DFail!

@mummysmagicmedicinehow has she managed on all the previous annual girls’s holidays abroad? Given that she can’t drive, won’t use public transport to get to the airport and always complains she can’t afford things?

Please answer! I cannot believe this scenario hasn’t arisen before!

Why can't she sleep on someone's sofa? You may not all have spare rooms, but surely you don't all live in studio flats.

Yeah which was why I edited the post to remove that question!

Tbf I think Op was being kind in apologising for not being clear - the vast majority of people knew exactly what she meant and her post was clear -she said she BOOKED a suitcase not that she BOUGHT it.

It boggles my mind that people thought she spent £100 in buying an actual suitcase for them to share for just one holiday, precisely because that would be so weird and impractical. Personally if I read some something that sounds completely unlikely I have a think about whether its possible I've misunderstood first.

I havent RTFT so excuse me if this has been said already.
I think whatever you do this friendship is at best irrevocably changed, or at worst dead in the water.
If you pay her you will resent this (and rightly so IMO) and this will fester.
The rest of the group will know that Mary cancels last minute and expects the other person who is sharing her suitcase with Mary to pay the suitcase cost for HER DECISION to cancel- so no one will want to share with Mary.
Mary is a CF so will have a paddy when everyone else says no to Sharing with her causing drama and upset.
To be frank Mary sounds like an entitled nightmare - wanting to be collected because she can’t take the bus or the tube and ‘can’t afford’ a cab. How was she intending to get to the airport when the trip was planned.

This sounds to me like Mary has changed her mind about coming.
Something has happened, something has shifted in her and she’s looking for an out.
So give it to her.
Tell her that it was her decision NOT to take out travel insurance and you cannot afford to pay for her change of heart ( nice reply ) or her odd behaviour and stupidity (not so nice reply)
If you have a group chat I would reply on that so it’s transparent to the rest of the group and Mary does not try to manipulate so you end up being the outlier. Just be careful - I have been the recipient of something along these lines and ended up being the one manouvered out of the group through no fault of my own. I just wasn’t wise/old enough to see the chess like moves that were being made.

Go on holiday with the girls and have a great time . And spend the £50 on cocktails! 🍹

Mary's lost travel costs are not your responsibility OP. Perhaps send her a photo showing her you still only used half the volume of the suitcase (when you go).

Best answer.

OP, you do not have to refund Mary, it's just another lost cost for her. The airline have the money, not you. She chose to cancel the holiday. She has 101 excuses/reasons why she cannot get there.

It is clear that she doesn't want to go because if she really did, she would do anything to get there.

Mary just needs to accept that she won't get any money back. She is being a complete CF to ask you for it. If she didn't take out insurance then she is stupid and it's her own fault if she is losing everything.

You would not have paid that charge on your own.

Me too.

How does she get to the airport for her regular three holidays per year if she stresses about train cancellations?

I do like the idea of her sitting on a train with her packing cube on her lap though. You’d want to pack your undies carefully wouldn’t you? Imagine it on the tube too - trying to juggle hanging on with that under your arm. I’d have stuck to hand luggage if I was that skint.

Not the point of the thread at all, but £100 to put one case in the hold?? Fuck me 🤯

(I don’t travel much as you can tell 🤣)

There’s always potential for delays or cancellations; that’s just part of the deal with public transport. Generally I find the tube from London to Heathrow very reliable, and train services to the other airports pretty reliable
I’ve no advice about the suitcase because I can’t really get past what an entitled nightmare she sounds like. She can’t be bothered with a tube in case it’s delayed, she won’t countenance getting the bus, she wants somebody to drive for four hours to be her personal chauffeur. She couldn’t possibly sleep in the same room as a dog and she won’t stay in a hotel on her own.
I just could not be bothered with someone like this.

It's probably £50 each way. You see, far more reasonable!

I can't be bothered by people like this either. It's so princessy, expecting to be lifted and laid everywhere.

I wouldn't be paying her back because if it hadn't been for her OP would have just taken cabin baggage anyway.

What was the room share set up?
Did you all have a room each?
If not and she isn't asking for money back for that then this is no different.
Paying for a shared case is the same as paying for a shared room.
Don't pay

Ooh no, too impractical. Although easy to spot on the carousel.

Seriously, if I were in this position - I’d say well I’ll see if we can have it refunded from the airline and if they agree, I’ll send you your half. Otherwise, unfortunately it’s already paid so not much we can do about it. Then spend 5 minutes reading the policy, max.

I actually do have a close friend myself who is incredibly tight but financially well off. Last get together was a turning point for me, after 20 years. You just have to decide when to call it, ultimately.

Quite frankly, it sounds like you didn't really want Mary to come on the holiday, and she didn't want to go anyway.

Why weren't all these travel logistics sorted out at the planning stage anyway?

And the case thing..what am I missing here? if between you , you only had enough to fill one case, why didn't you both take separate carry on luggage and save the £100 ?

Finally, meet her halfway, pay £25 and say that's fair as she has cancelled the holiday but you really can't and don't think you should refund her the full amount.

Ah yes! Doh 🤦‍♀️🤣

That will be for a return trip but yes - expensive.

You don’t sound like you like her at all. This is a typical frenemy situation.
I think you’re all cunty fuckers 🤷🏼‍♀️

Hangover this morning ? 🤣😖