AIBU to refuse to pay for friend’s suitcase

[mummysmagicmedicine]

Hello everyone

Buckle up this may be a long one.
My friends and I are going on our annual long weekend abroad. We have known each other since we were teenagers and are now all 30’s and married with kids. There is 6 of us total.

My friend in question, let’s call her Mary. Mary has several holidays a year and eats out etc at least 3 nights a week. She has been like that since we were teenagers and would go clubbing more nights a week than not yet claims she can’t afford xyz. She’s always been financially impulsive like this but I also understand everyone’s financial situations and priorities are different. The reason I have mentioned this will be relevant towards the end of the post. Her travel plans to the airport have fallen through, neither her nor her DH drive so she can’t drive and she said she cannot afford a cab, refuses to get rail replacement or a bus or coach because she can’t do those, suggested she takes a travel sickness tablet but she said she can’t take those. She also has never suffered from travel sickness in all the time I’ve known her (since school) but I’m aware this can change. She doesn’t live locally to us any more but none of us live closer than an hour to each other but requested one of us drive to central London to pick her up the night before (a four hour round trip on a good day). Due to work and childcare commitments, none of us will be able to pick her up the night before anyway but none of us could house her either. I am the only one with spare rooms but we will be having large building works at the time so we won’t have any space for an extra person.

She says she can’t afford a hotel so can’t stay at the airport the night before. Back to the point, I was supposed to be sharing a suitcase with her, only going Friday to Monday so no point having a large checked bag to myself so we were going to share. Unfortunately as she doesn’t think she’ll be able to make the holiday now, she’s requested I pay her back the £50 for her half of the suitcase (I booked but she transferred) as she won’t be using the suitcase now if she won’t be coming and she’s already losing out money for cancelling her holiday. I am sympathetic because a few hundred pounds is a lot to lose but equally especially with our current renovations, I haven’t financially planned to lose an extra £50 when I won’t be using the whole suitcase anyway but she is demanding I pay her £50. I don’t want to lose a friendship over this, we’ve been close for ages, bridesmaids at each other’s weddings etc but equally especially with the holidays coming up and paying for childcare/ entertainment for the kids on top of our existing renovations I don’t want to lose £50.

For context, the remaining four in my group and work collegues etc think I shouldn’t have to pay Mary £50 because if she’s cancelling her holiday, that’s not to do with me as unfortunate as it is but I’m keen to hear an outsider’s POV.

YABU- I should pay Mary £50 because she’s not using the suitcase anymore

YANBU- don’t pay Mary £50

Thank you lovelies!

I can't believe how many people have clearly never booked a budget flight.

You can't get a refund on booked and paid for luggage fees. OP could have paid for a cabin bag for half the price of a checked in larger suitcase. So no, I don't think OP should have to pay double because the cheeky fucker entitled friend refuses to make her way to the airport for holiday. If she doesn't get travel sick in a car then she wouldn't get travel sick on a bus. She doesn't want to go for some reason and is making excuses.

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This thread is hilarious.

For me the question is do you still want to be friends with Mary?

Mary's excuses for not going on the holiday are because she is disorganised and lazy and probably financially tight! She could 100% get herself organised to get on that holiday if she wasn't choosing to be all those things.

The bottom line though, is that it's highly unlikely that Mary thinks she isn't coming on the holiday because of her choices, she probably geninely thinks there's no way she can go. You aren't wrong to keep the money, but I bet you that Mary will think you are evil for not giving the money because in her head "there is no way she could go on the holiday". If you don't want a weird relationship with Mary going forward, that potentially makes it much less pleasant to be with the group, pay up.

Don’t pay Mary and if she falls out with you over it at least you don’t have to put up with her anymore. How old are you all? She doesn’t drive, won’t pay for transport, is so tight she’d rather share a suitcase than just sort herself out…painful.

Are you sure she is a good friend? Doesn't sound like a good friend to me!

She’s in her 30s and can’t get from central London to an airport. That alone makes it obvious that she is some sort of unreasonable princess.

I would say:

The booked baggage is non refundable. I would give you the £50 if we could get the money back, but we can’t. I won’t be using your half so I’m not gaining anything. Sorry.

On a related note, you all need to pack much better. I went away for the weekend recently abroad and just took a small rucksack and bum bag. To vacuum pack clothes without equipment, put them in a zip lock freezer bag almost shut, press down on it to get the air out and then shut it. I cannot believe anyone who is tight for cash would shell out on taking luggage abroad for such a short time. It isn’t necessary at all. It’s so freeing going without luggage.

I'd pay her the £50.You are still using checked luggage. Tbh if you are struggling to afford £50 not sure why you booked an abroad holiday in first place. You are obviously friends for a long time.id just such it up.

I don't blame her re the dog, but surely for one night one of you can provide a sofa or bit of sleeping space that isn't shared with a dog?

Just tell her on the group WhatsApp you tried to get a refund on the £100 (& would have taken a carry on bag yourself) but couldn’t. So unfortunately she won’t get the £50 back but is welcome to try herself to negotiate with the airline (she won’t).

Blame it on the airline (and ask the others to back you up).

You were completely clear OP.

It’s just that the logic and logistics of the arrangement sound a bit mind boggling.

Mary is being massively unreasonable. Anyone who lives in Central London has ways of getting to and from our major airports on public transport. She’s making excuses.

She made a mutual arrangement with you to share the cost of a checked bag, she can’t expect a refund just because she is backing out, and it isn’t something you can sell to someone else, like a gig ticket. And without this arrangement you could have just chosen cabin bag or free carry on.

Maybe the dog sleeps in their living room at night?

Mine does.

suggest she sells all your mates a share of the space for bringing extra stuff ?

Mary is taking the p*ss

Mary is telling you the friendship is over anyway, so I think you can do what you like re the money

Imagine the responses here if you posted as Mary. You would be told it wasn't your friends fault you have cancelled and why should she be out of pocket.

Mary sounds like a total pita. I think it's about time someone stood up to her. She can't expect to inconvenience others because she is flaky, doesn't organise her life well and because she "doesn't do" things that others do without question such as catching public transport

Mary is not a good friend.

I suspect Mary has blown her spending budget and now can’t afford the holiday. Hence all the stupid excuses.

Tough shit Mary. Has she demanded a refund from the rest of your group for any part of it or does she think you’ve got money and or are a soft touch? No refund on any part of the holiday.

I don’t really understand. Did she pay £50 towards it?

if you could cancel and get the money back then sure you should also refund. But you can't, so basically Mary wants you to pay from your own pocket because she has decided to not use something booked non-refundably.

Would you have paid for a smaller cabin bag if she’d never agreed to share? Or would you have paid full price for the checked in bag?

If the former then you don’t owe her anything - or only the difference to what you would have paid. If the latter then you should refund her half.

ie you pay what you would have originally paid if she’d been out of the equation.

She didn’t book travel insurance and she doesn’t want to stay in a hotel/air bnb alone

So maybe the friend could have a mattress on someone's bedroom floor? Or the dog could be shut in the kitchen? Or OP could find a space amongst her renovations?

OP, have a go at putting all your stuff in a carry-on case. If you roll clothes up rather than packing them flat, it's amazing how much you can fit in.

She has an answer for everything to ensure she can’t go on this holiday.

She doesn’t want to go or would be finding solutions not endless problems.

If you don’t live close so are unable to give her a lift or let her stay the night before how were you going to jointly pack the suitcase?