AIBU to refuse to pay for friend’s suitcase

[mummysmagicmedicine]

Hello everyone

Buckle up this may be a long one.
My friends and I are going on our annual long weekend abroad. We have known each other since we were teenagers and are now all 30’s and married with kids. There is 6 of us total.

My friend in question, let’s call her Mary. Mary has several holidays a year and eats out etc at least 3 nights a week. She has been like that since we were teenagers and would go clubbing more nights a week than not yet claims she can’t afford xyz. She’s always been financially impulsive like this but I also understand everyone’s financial situations and priorities are different. The reason I have mentioned this will be relevant towards the end of the post. Her travel plans to the airport have fallen through, neither her nor her DH drive so she can’t drive and she said she cannot afford a cab, refuses to get rail replacement or a bus or coach because she can’t do those, suggested she takes a travel sickness tablet but she said she can’t take those. She also has never suffered from travel sickness in all the time I’ve known her (since school) but I’m aware this can change. She doesn’t live locally to us any more but none of us live closer than an hour to each other but requested one of us drive to central London to pick her up the night before (a four hour round trip on a good day). Due to work and childcare commitments, none of us will be able to pick her up the night before anyway but none of us could house her either. I am the only one with spare rooms but we will be having large building works at the time so we won’t have any space for an extra person.

She says she can’t afford a hotel so can’t stay at the airport the night before. Back to the point, I was supposed to be sharing a suitcase with her, only going Friday to Monday so no point having a large checked bag to myself so we were going to share. Unfortunately as she doesn’t think she’ll be able to make the holiday now, she’s requested I pay her back the £50 for her half of the suitcase (I booked but she transferred) as she won’t be using the suitcase now if she won’t be coming and she’s already losing out money for cancelling her holiday. I am sympathetic because a few hundred pounds is a lot to lose but equally especially with our current renovations, I haven’t financially planned to lose an extra £50 when I won’t be using the whole suitcase anyway but she is demanding I pay her £50. I don’t want to lose a friendship over this, we’ve been close for ages, bridesmaids at each other’s weddings etc but equally especially with the holidays coming up and paying for childcare/ entertainment for the kids on top of our existing renovations I don’t want to lose £50.

For context, the remaining four in my group and work collegues etc think I shouldn’t have to pay Mary £50 because if she’s cancelling her holiday, that’s not to do with me as unfortunate as it is but I’m keen to hear an outsider’s POV.

YABU- I should pay Mary £50 because she’s not using the suitcase anymore

YANBU- don’t pay Mary £50

Thank you lovelies!

I'd pay her back as I'd not expect someone to pay half of a suitcase they aren't using. She does sound like an awkward bugger though.

Agree.

It sounds like a teenage jaunt they have all had to raid their money boxes for.

I can just imagine the scene at the airport when op decided Mary had brought too much luggage for her half of the suitcase.

Adults sort out their tickets, sort out their luggage, sort out their transport. This all sounds way too painful. I pity the other friends ( unless they are all sharing a seat…)

So she lives in central London doesn’t drive and won’t get on public transport either have I got that right

she is ridiculous and you shouldn’t pay her £50.

Mary is unreliable, mean and a cf.

With friends like Mary...

I wouldn't give her a penny. Shes obviously changed her mind and is just looking for excuses not to come.

A good friend would not try to make you pay £50 for her flakiness. Someone who doesn't drive (like me) is most unlikely to be unable to use public transport, unless she never leaves the house! It comes down to how much you want to retain her friendship, such as it is. If you see the friendship continuing, I would probably pay it, but I would never enter into any such arrangement with her again.

Right and would you also repay the cost of the flight and the hotel seeing as she won’t be using them? You don’t get a refund on booked luggage- it would be coming from the OP’s own pocket. Why should the OP pay money to the friend who through her own fault isn’t going on the holiday?

She sounds like a complete pain and very unreliable, booking a holiday and seemingly planning to go on it with no money for anything. I would not be inclined to pay, at the very least I'd tell her I'd pay it when I get paid/when I can.
It's ridiculous that she can't use public transport to get somewhere when she is living in central London.

I love you for this

So she allows extra time for that possibility… she is being ridiculous.

I would have lost interest in being her friend over this entitled behaviour so would be declining to pay her the £50.

If you still value her friendship however, maybe pay it and learn a lesson for the future. Never tie your arrangements with hers again. Would have been better to have bought individual carry on cases for a long weekend anyway.

Who would keep it at their house and therefore use it for other trips? Or are you going to sharing it for future holidays with her? It’s a bit silly to ‘share’ a suitcase with someone who doesn’t live anywhere near you unless you plan on a lot of holidays where you will be making this arrangement.

Inconvenient to you to find space for said suitcase but equally you can use it whenever you choose if its kept at your house permanently.

If you’re keeping it you should pay for it, particularly if she’s never even used it. Sell it on if you don’t want to keep it or sell it unused/ get a refund.

Omg.... Can't you read?

OP has a suitcase that she already owned, her friend was going to use some space in the suitcase for that one trip.

So they didn't have to check 2 suitcases.

Yanbu. You don't owe her the £50 at all, and she is being a cf to ask for it.

But it depends on whether you want to preserve the friendship. If the friendship is worth £50, I would pay.

Or split the difference and say you'll give her £25.

If you want to keep her as a friend suck it up. I'm not sure it sounds like you do....

Fuck off. I’ve just read all her updates, why did she not include that basic information in her OP?

@BadLad 🥃get it down you chief!!!

Nope. Anything that she paid towards the holiday that is non-refundable by the relevant company remains non-refundable. You shouldn’t have to refund her out of your own pocket.

It was pretty obvious from the OP imo.

Mary sounds very high maintenance!
You don’t owe her the £50, so she is unreasonable to be demanding it.
It’s up to you whether you want to pay it to her to be generous and as a gesture of kindness, but if you don’t want to, don’t.

Mary is a selfish CF and hell would freeze over before I gave her £50 for a non refundable service she’s chosen not to use.

Tough shit on Mary

By the way OP.

The poll would be 100% if there weren't so many people who thought you'd bought a suitcase together, that you'd now kept.

Mary sounds like an absolute princess, but tbh, it doesn’t sound like the rest of you are great friends either (noone can make room for her for one night?!)

Let this friendship fizzle out.

Mary isn’t spending £50 to use the suitcase. She’s paying £50 for the opportunity to use the suitcase. That opportunity hasn’t gone away. She still has it and will have it until the end of the holiday. The OP won’t be taking up the extra space now, will she? It’ll just be a half empty suitcase because CF has chosen not to take the opportunity.

I can’t believe someone living in central London can’t manage to get themselves to an airport by public transport.

Are any of you driving to the airport?
If so, could you suggest to her to get a train to where you live or a station along your route on the day of the flight and you will pick her up?

Or could she get the train to a station as close as she can, and then get a taxi? That would cut down the taxi cost a fair bit.
For eg for Gatwick she could go to Croydon, or even East Grinstead if the whole Gatwick line is out of service.
For Stansted airport she could get the tube to Epping and taxi from there if no trains running.
Presuming it isn’t Heathrow as she could just get the tube anyway.

They are NOT buying a suitcase. This has been made clear several times!!

It was obvious to most people that the £100 was the check in costs for the suitcase return trips.