AIBU to refuse to pay for friend’s suitcase

[mummysmagicmedicine]

Hello everyone

Buckle up this may be a long one.
My friends and I are going on our annual long weekend abroad. We have known each other since we were teenagers and are now all 30’s and married with kids. There is 6 of us total.

My friend in question, let’s call her Mary. Mary has several holidays a year and eats out etc at least 3 nights a week. She has been like that since we were teenagers and would go clubbing more nights a week than not yet claims she can’t afford xyz. She’s always been financially impulsive like this but I also understand everyone’s financial situations and priorities are different. The reason I have mentioned this will be relevant towards the end of the post. Her travel plans to the airport have fallen through, neither her nor her DH drive so she can’t drive and she said she cannot afford a cab, refuses to get rail replacement or a bus or coach because she can’t do those, suggested she takes a travel sickness tablet but she said she can’t take those. She also has never suffered from travel sickness in all the time I’ve known her (since school) but I’m aware this can change. She doesn’t live locally to us any more but none of us live closer than an hour to each other but requested one of us drive to central London to pick her up the night before (a four hour round trip on a good day). Due to work and childcare commitments, none of us will be able to pick her up the night before anyway but none of us could house her either. I am the only one with spare rooms but we will be having large building works at the time so we won’t have any space for an extra person.

She says she can’t afford a hotel so can’t stay at the airport the night before. Back to the point, I was supposed to be sharing a suitcase with her, only going Friday to Monday so no point having a large checked bag to myself so we were going to share. Unfortunately as she doesn’t think she’ll be able to make the holiday now, she’s requested I pay her back the £50 for her half of the suitcase (I booked but she transferred) as she won’t be using the suitcase now if she won’t be coming and she’s already losing out money for cancelling her holiday. I am sympathetic because a few hundred pounds is a lot to lose but equally especially with our current renovations, I haven’t financially planned to lose an extra £50 when I won’t be using the whole suitcase anyway but she is demanding I pay her £50. I don’t want to lose a friendship over this, we’ve been close for ages, bridesmaids at each other’s weddings etc but equally especially with the holidays coming up and paying for childcare/ entertainment for the kids on top of our existing renovations I don’t want to lose £50.

For context, the remaining four in my group and work collegues etc think I shouldn’t have to pay Mary £50 because if she’s cancelling her holiday, that’s not to do with me as unfortunate as it is but I’m keen to hear an outsider’s POV.

YABU- I should pay Mary £50 because she’s not using the suitcase anymore

YANBU- don’t pay Mary £50

Thank you lovelies!

You both do.

You essentially booked and paid for 10kg of baggage, but combined this with Mary to reduce the overall cost, paying for 20kg combined (or thereabouts). You wouldn’t have booked 20kg on your own, nor do you need it. I would have a look at what 10kg costs to put in the hold, screenshot that to Mary and pay her the difference.
She’s a CF, and if she continues to demand any more money I wouldn’t be too worried about losing the friendship.

I'm genuinely gobsmacked that you can't understand that there are a lot of us who haven't flown in recent years.
I last flew 20 years ago. I have never had to pay to check in a suitcase and had no idea that you had to these days.
I can't afford to travel abroad, don't even have an in date passport as I can't afford one.
I'm sure that from your privileged position of being able to afford holidays, you find it all hilarious, but there are lots of us in this position.

Off topic but Sharing a suitcase with someone you don't live with is bizarre.

I travel a lot and only take hang luggage. Just take a 10kg carry on.

She sounds a total PITA. No she shouldn’t asking for the money (but its bizarre set up and I wouldn’t share a suitcase anyway). However if you want to keep the friendship pay the money. If you are willing to lose an apparently good friend over £50 then don’t pay. Regardless of all the other ‘noise’ that’s what it boils down to.

I don’t understand those suggesting you should pay ’for the sake of the friendship’.

It is Mary who is causing all the inconvenience/cancels, so ’for the sake of the friendship’, she should never have even thought to ask! She is a complete CF, absolutely do not pay.

Have any of you unpicked with Mary (a very close friend) what’s actually going on here?

She lives in central London. By default, she’s ok with public transport, you can’t exist in London without this. Nobody in central London asks to be picked up by car because it’s actually insanity and will take approximately 500000 times longer than using the excellent public transport system.

If your post is actually true in it’s entirety (I don’t mean you’re lying, but people change details in the hope it makes them less identifiable) then I would be more concerned about Mary and why she’s making up these bizarre excuses than I would be about a suitcase, because it really doesn’t make any sense.

A compromise would just be that she travels to any of your houses the night before by public transport of whatever combination of methods and you shut the dog out of whatever room she’s actually sleeping in. I’d absolutely play a bit of bedroom/people jenga to stop a close friend wasting money on a lost trip, primarily because first and foremost I would want them to actually join us….If that’s not how you all feel, surely something deeper is going on?

I wouldn’t be sharing anything with High Maintenance Mary moving forward.

Although you might be saving a bit, it’s not worth the agro.

Invite her, but getting to the airport on time, luggage, and spends are all her 30+ year old self’s shoulders. Just sort yourself out.

Don’t enable her. Invite her, but leave the logistics of it to her. If she turns up, great, if not, no one is inconvenienced.

If you live in London you are well acquainted with tubes, trains and buses and it’s easier for you to get to Stansted, Heathrow or Gatwick then someone living outside of London.

You what now - when did Mary suddenly become a man?

If she lives in London and can't find a way to the airport then she just want to go on hols. Sounds like she has financial issues caused by her lack of budgeting

I would give her it back to save the friendship and hope the other friends give you a tenner each. Just never share with her again....which is hard in itself as otherwise you always will have an odd number as a group

She is making flimsy excuses not to go, fair enough that is up to her, but why should you bear the financial cost?

It's not like there is a refund you can split, she is asking you to pay your money for her to cancel.

I think I would be writing a polite but blunt message pointing that out.

It’s not bizarre at all. Nice that you can fit all your luggage into the tiny carry on allowance but not everyone wants to do that. I don’t even know where you can buy bags small enough to comply with the Ryanair allowance - it’s tiny dimensions and smaller than the old standard size cabin bag.

Yes. It’s a way of airlines getting the “headline” cost of the ticket down a bit.

They bargain on the fact that a large number of people going on holiday will want more than one or two nights worth of clothing so will add hold luggage at an “extra” cost, or will keep their luggage light for cabin, meaning the plane is less heavy.

In short, it’s a standard cost of travel these days if you need changes of clothes.

Mary sounds like a nightmare.
I wouldn’t plan on going anywhere with her ever again. Quite frankly I’d let this friendship fade.
For the sake of peace and quiet I’d pay her the £50, but I’d tell your friends you are now out of pocket through no fault of your own and I’d expect real friends to maybe buy me a drink or compensate me in some way.
For perspective, and I know family is different, but I recently retuned from a holiday and we all just took turns to pay for things. So I bought lunch, another person bough the first round of drinks etc.
I just can’t bear to live dividing up pennies.

If she can travel in a car without getting travel sick, she can travel by bus. I’ve not heard of people getting travel sick on trains really. Sounds like total bullshit and she obviously doesn’t want to go. She also wouldn’t need to get a cab all the way to the airport, she just needs to get to the station from which the connection runs eg Liverpool Street, Victoria, Paddington etc. There are no airports in or around London where it’s not easy to get to by public transport.

Mary can't drive, can't afford cabs but won't take public transport? How does she manage?

Oh and Ryanair now charge for taking onboard a small 10kg bag. It used to be free but now it’s not.

I get more ill in a coach or bus.

One of my Dc used to vomit on trains. Apparently it’s a faint sideways rocking movement.

How does she normally travel to the airport for your annual girls’ trips abroad? Surely this scenario must have come up before if she can’t drive, won’t use public transport and always complains about not having enough money?

Nope, you could have taken a cabin bag for your stuff. Sounds like she's really trying to get out of it. That's her problem

Exactly. Luggage costs are effectively adjacent to seat coats now.

They are part of a holiday. Nice if you can split, but if you can’t afford them maybe it’s all too close to the wire financially to be risking expenses.

This is the maddest thread.

Why are.you sharing a case with someone you don't live with?

Mary cancelling a whole holiday at short noticd because she has to get public transport to the airport is insane, millions of people get public transport to airports every day. As others have said getting to the airport is an expense journey you factor in when you book a holiday.

Also if neither she or her DH drove and she gets travel sick on public transport - how do they normally get around?

How can a functioning adult make a short break away so complicated? When I go away with friends I expect them all to sort out their own luggage and airport transport.

It always says this?!?!

If you’re having large renovations and going on holiday, you can afford £50. Just give it her back, not worth losing a friend over.

Why should she have to pay £150 for checking in a bag? It’s not like the money will be refunded to the OP or like she will in some way benefit from this. Equally I could say that someone who lives in central London can afford £50.