Asking if you took a Ukrainian guest in your home why you want them gone asap?

[Anhelina2000xx]

My experience as Ukrainian coming to UK. Many people want the Ukrainian guest for them house but when we are there straight away want you to leave asap and getting the job asap even if it is the very bad job.
This is my experience and the experience of very many Ukrainian people I speak to. Why? Why does the English agree to have Ukrainians for them house but plan to make them leave asap? In my first home in UK she want me to get the job after 1 week! 1 week not very many time to even relax and try to speak my family from Ukraine! My brothers was forced in war just one day he go and buy the food at the shop!
Was they told the Ukrainian is only staying for a week or something like this? Or when you live with Ukrainian you start to hate them so you say please get a job right now please find a new place? And this is not only me, this is very many Ukrainians. Told to come them to this home. Then told please to leave asap!
Why?

But why didn’t they move to the part of Ukraine that was unaffected, which was most of the country? Why was my Ukrainian acquaintance travelling back and forth as normal for her beauty treatments etc? (lives in a neighbouring country, not the UK). Why were people still holidaying in Kiev during this time, as I know they were?

Yes I wonder that too!

I seriously considered it, but was advised not to, due to my child’s ND and how disruptive it would be for them (for my child’s sake, I mean) Which was fair enough.

My spare room is also quite small so I imagine the person wouldn’t have wanted to stay long.

Not in the Uk but I know a v wealthy couple who too in a mother and child. They left the place in a tip, wouldn't clean up, wouldn't enroll the child in school. Just sat around all day watching tv or on their phones.They didn't care about money or jobs but they did nothing but create a mess so there are two sides to this I'm afraid.

Eh they did? Almost 4 million people were displaced from their home in Ukraine and moved to other areas of the country.

The remaining 6m who are still displaced are spread over many counties.

Do think a country at war just instantly had the capacity for almost 10 million people to move area in such a small space of time.

Do you think the UK could legitimately handle if 9 million people moved from London to the north? The housing, infrastructures and services wouldn’t cope.

None of the country is entirely unaffected, or guaranteed to be. Even Lviv has been bombed several times. OK maybe some country or mountain towns and villages are fine but they can’t have that many jobs in mountain villages going!

People go back because it’s their home - wouldn’t you miss home? It can be scary but it’s hard to stay away from home for so long.

My friend goes back sometimes and has been to Kyiv (not Kiev btw) but whilst there she was in a very major air raid and had to sleep in a shelter etc. It’s not something done lightly!

This^ 100%
Both sides underestimated cultural differences.

Members of my family took in a Ukrainian woman and her toddler daughter. They stayed for over two years and are still very close now. My DS calls them auntie and cousin.☺️

I think framing it as guests rather than emergency accommodation sort of mislead both the hosts and those fleeing Ukraine.

I'm so sorry you've had that experience—it’s not right, and you deserve better. That hasn’t been the case where I live in Scotland; I know families who’ve welcomed Ukrainians with real care and patience.
But I believe you, and sadly some hosts weren’t prepared or expected only a short stay. That’s about their lack of understanding, not anything wrong with you. You’ve been through so much—kindness and stability should be the least you receive.

I am not arguing with you, just noting the different experiences people have had. And it was a genuine question based on what I had been told by my acquaintance who seemed pretty unaffected by it, judging by her frequent travel to and from the country, and obvious faith things would return to normal making her confident enough to buy several rental properties.

I also know it’s Kyiv in Ukraine, but we generally use an anglicised version here, or do you refer to Munich as Munchen, Rome as Roma, Venezia for Venice etc?

I have made very good friends with a Ukrainian woman who came over with her daughter. She was totally shell-shocked when I met her but always polite and grateful for the chance to be here.

The first family she was billeted with was horrendous- a pervert of a man who kept coming on to both her and her daughter whenever his wife was out, but would ignore them at all other times. Luckily they got out.

The mother speaks fluent Ukranian, Russian, German and English, and is an accountant. The daughter is also very bright and has now gone to Europe to study.

The son of the family, who did not wish to come here, was abducted by the Ukranian army two years ago and is presumed dead. The war is ongoing. My friend has no "home" to return to as it was bombed by the Ukrainian forces at the start of the conflict to stop the Russians taking it. So she lives in this place, pays a fortune in rent, and works three jobs.

You know, the life of Riley.

Interesting topic years after the war started and I do think OP could be from where they say they are from although I do not believe their english is that bad.

I am not in England but another country that took on a lot of refugees. I took one in not for moral reasons but because I needed the money quite honestly but it meant sharing my home with a man (I am female) that I did not know trust him with my home.

He moved in, we became good friends I thought. He told me how much he made in his job at home, I encouraged him to get a job locally so he could earn some money and come off the very generous welfare benefits the government were giving him along with paying his rent for him etc. After 4 months it became apparent that he assumed the rent paid on his behalf by the government were his entitlements but not only that but that I should be also sharing some of the money I was getting to rent to him from the government with him. No wish in him to work or support himself, actually started costing me money as he never once paid towards anything like bills etc only HIS OWN grocery shopping and i mean he would cook using my staple ingredients and expect me to replace them. Entitlement is not even the word I would give this man.

Stupidly as both single we ended up in some weird relationship and began sleeping together which is when it became apparent he would love bomb me one day followed by days of the silent treatment. He went away to his family for a month and still claimed welfare and then assumed 'we' were complicit in him claiming which is when I realised they stopped his claim and he thought I would 'share' the rent money with him which is when things soured. I told him in no uncertain terms he gets a job and supports himself and we entered into another 3 month licence agreement where I would get rental money for him to rent his room in my house (he never shared my room only my bed maybe 5 times in total) and he would get a job and fend for himself as at this point I realised he was a fantasist and had not half as much money as he liked to pretend.

The saga continues actually with this man who I now see to be a cocklodger. He never ever wanted to work just wanted to be on a permanent holiday and thought I was some idiot that would help with this. He is currently giving me the silent treatment and while I do not believe I am in danger I have taken precautions and I have made a plan to get him out of my house as he has taken advantage of my hospitality and I mean my not making him pay bills so he could save money etc but now i realise the person he is (he blocked me on instagram only yesterday ffs) and he is being watched like a hawk by people. Not every story ends well and while I never asked him to move out or tried to force him out there is no way I would be entertaining a boychild with walter mitty ideologies to live here much longer. Sorry I did go off on a tangeant there but there are many many variables and as my friends have said when he recently took a pop at me saying he was frustrated as his country was being bombed etc, why if he is so passionate is he not there himself fighting for it.

Obviously people do have different experiences, yes. I’m not sure if you meant your post to come across that way, but it sounded as though you thought there were completely safe parts of Ukraine, that might also jobs and infrastructure for lots of people…

Re the spelling, it’s not really like calling Rome Roma. Kyiv is a transliteration of the Ukrainian spelling Київ whereas Kiev is the translation of the russian name for the city which is Киев. It’s generally accepted we should transliterate the correct Ukrainians spelling, and it matters quite a lot due to the imperialist nature of the russian invasion, and their desire to erase Ukrainian culture.

Especially as the title is written in perfect English ...

What a horrible thing to say - both you and the person you’re quoting! And the title isn’t written in perfect English.

It actually is, in lots of parts of the world. Canadians, for example, frequently say England/English when what they're referring to is actually UK/British. I had a fun 1/2 hr once explaining the difference to an Iranian friend who genuinely did not know there was a difference. I don't think we can expect other nationalities to know the ins and outs of our complicated history, especially when the English themselves sometimes do the same thing.
I remember the outrage in Scotland when a sports commentator referred to the GB curling team, consisting entirely of Scots, who won an Olympic gold as the "English" team. She of course meant the British team.

Agreed,

Anyway we all understand what the op is saying.

You get good and bad people from everywhere - and male cocklodgers from everywhere!

Probably a mistake to sleep with him but we live and learn. I would get rid of him asap - he sounds like a right piece of work and will still be looking to take advantage where he can.

Absolutely!

My own ability to learn foreign languages is appalling, so I don’t judge other people!

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing it is in place for him to go. I am aware of the stupidity and I know you get tossers in all walks but having seen this entitlement first hand I am almost in awe of his self confidence.

We had a Ukrainian student live with us for a year. Yes - sharing a kitchen was sometimes a little challenging, but not terrible. We have a decent sized house and she had a bedsit in it.
She spoke no English when she arrived, but took English lessons as soon as possible at the same time as doing her degree on line with her Ukrainian university. She managed to work at 2 jobs, too. Such a hard worker. When she arrived it took a couple of weeks to do things like signing on etc. and needed ferrying around as we live in a village with minimal public transport.
It probably cost us a bit more in heating bills, but asap she bought her own food. She now house shares with others and we don't hear from her at all. We don't regret hosting her, but it's lovely to have our house back.

I had a Ukrainian guest for a short time. She decided to leave because she found somewhere she liked better. It was obvious straight away that she had come here because she thought it was a good opportunity to work abroad and she told me she'd planned to leave Ukraine anyway; the war just brought her plans forward. She was prepared to work very hard and do any kind of work but she was very inconsiderate and treated my house like a hotel and me like the staff. I'd assumed she would stay with me for a year or so then move on, at which point I'd offer the room to someone else, but after this experience I decided not to.

Wisen up.

OP has written a massively goady and inflammatory post, got you all frothing at the mouth and disappeared.

And yes, the title is written in much better English than the pidgin English post.

My initial reaction was to be offended as I took in a Ukrainian woman who stayed for two years but then I remembered her stories about the first couple they were with who were very controlling and seemed to want to show her and her sister off as their charity project.

I’m sorry that you’ve experienced this - I’m in NI & my ndn took in 2 Ukrainians, one of whom still lives there & the other has now gone back to Ukraine.

I think there is very little support from anyone for them anymore & I think a lot of people would find it difficult to live with someone else for a long time.

Haha. My thoughts exactly.