Asking if you took a Ukrainian guest in your home why you want them gone asap?

[Anhelina2000xx]

My experience as Ukrainian coming to UK. Many people want the Ukrainian guest for them house but when we are there straight away want you to leave asap and getting the job asap even if it is the very bad job.
This is my experience and the experience of very many Ukrainian people I speak to. Why? Why does the English agree to have Ukrainians for them house but plan to make them leave asap? In my first home in UK she want me to get the job after 1 week! 1 week not very many time to even relax and try to speak my family from Ukraine! My brothers was forced in war just one day he go and buy the food at the shop!
Was they told the Ukrainian is only staying for a week or something like this? Or when you live with Ukrainian you start to hate them so you say please get a job right now please find a new place? And this is not only me, this is very many Ukrainians. Told to come them to this home. Then told please to leave asap!
Why?

My friend and her husband took in a Ukranian woman. Their marriage has broken down due to the husband and the Ukrainian woman having an affair. The wife( my friend) has seen the sale of her beautiful home go through and is now living alone in a much smaller house. The husband had retired ( he's in his 60s) but has had to go back to work to finance his shiny new life with the Ukrainian woman She's in her 40s and wants a baby. His now exwife was also in her 60s and they have 4 adult children.
My other friend took in a Ukrainian woman and her teenage son. Friend is single. The son was 16. In Ukraine men do not do domestic tasks and he and his mother were extremely rude when my friend suggested that, as he was now in the UK, he might like to learn how to strip his bed and use the washing machine. They took over the communal areas of her house and were loud and rude. The son constantly left the windows open when he went out ( it's a bungalow). UK teenagers can be just as obnoxious, obviously, but they were guests in her house. She evicted them

I'm confused by the OP. Why are you talking about people wanting refugees out ASAP or within a week, when it's been more than 3 years since the invasion.

Am I missing something?

I think the crossed messages are perfectly set up in your post. You said "Many people want the Ukrainian guest for them house" but it wasn't really a case of want - people did it out of generosity, kindness, a desire to help, etc. Very few people really WANT complete strangers living with them - would you if the situations were reversed?. Being willing isn't the same as wanting it. The vast majority of people offering to host considered themselves to be doing their guests a (pretty massive) favour.

Of course that doesn't mean they expected people to be gushingly grateful and worship at their feet but it was sold to people as a short term deal, with the aim always being that the guests would either be in a position to return home if the situation resolved, but if not would be aiming to build their own life and get on their feet as quickly as possible.

Of course anyone would be unreasonable to expect you to have got a job within 1 week, but I have to say if I were hosting I would absolutely be expecting you to have started looking by then as well. Possibly because people know how long things can take in the UK - just applying for things and getting through the various sift stages takes ages, so it can take months to even be offered a job, further weeks/months to get references/start date etc., then you usually need several months payslips etc to be considered as a renter - so even if you found a job literally within a week of moving, realistically it would take further months from that to be in a position to move out, which was probably why people wanted to get the ball rolling.

The government actually asked for a minimum commitment of 6 months from host families.

We had a Ukrainian family staying with us for about 2.5 years, and we know others who had guests stay for a similar amount of time. However, I think some people got caught up in wanting to help and invited Ukrainians into their homes, but didn't think through the reality of what it would be like to have strangers living with them.

We were lucky in that we all got on well and our house is big enough that we weren't on top of each other. We went into hosting with an expectation that we would do it for at least a year, but some hosts saw the 6 month minimum as the most they could do.

🕵

The reality of having people in your house that are strangers, is that it is quite uncomfortable. Especially if it's for a long time. People don't realise this until they have done it, sadly.

Absolutely.

It is shows how insular people are who expect others to understand the nuances of the United Kingdom, Britain, Great Britain, The British Isles and England and Wales. Presume they have an extensive knowledge of all other countries in the world and understand the differences between all the terms I listed.

Presumably the OP can’t speak on NI, Scotland or Wales because she’s in England though?

I don't think it's too far of a stretch to hope that anyone would at least learn a tiny bit about the country they were living in.

In fact it's extremely insular not to.

Refugees from Ukraine are still fleeing the war, they didn’t all move 3 years ago.
The war is still ongoing, surely you understand that?

Yes, agree

Why are you assuming she hasn’t made an effort to learn about the UK? What a ridiculous criticism based on literally nothing.

Do you also think the invasion ended 3 years ago?

TLDR: Don't be a tosser, cut the OP some slack.

Long version: What a pedantic message.
I mean I'm all for knowing all the constituent parts of the UK- I teach this to KS2 children- but I wouldn't expect refugees and asylum seekers to the UK fleeing war to know the difference between Belfast and Cardiff.
What's your knowledge of Ukrainian oblasts?

Yep!

What I don’t understand is why so many Ukrainian people had to leave Ukraine, given that most of the country was not affected? I speak as someone with a Ukrainian acquaintance who never stopped returning to see her family there, and who also purchased several rental properties there at the same time refugees were coming here. I write this due to genuine bemusement.

You sound terribly entitled.

I am sorry you have had this experience but nobody thought their Ukrainian guests would be staying for long, and certainly not forever. It's not unreasonable to want your house to yourself again after, say, six months. It's quite a big thing taking someone unknown into your home and many people did not think it through properly before volunteering. I've heard of some Ukrainian guests being allowed to work here, getting a job and refusing to move out because it would cost them more! Others have gone back to Ukraine, some more than once, to visit relatives and then returned to their hosts in the UK. It's a difficult situation all round.

I would like to hear some success stories, there must be some, we only hear about the situations that have gone wrong.

Almost half the number of Ukrainians who fled Ukraine became displaced within Ukraine.
How many do you think would be reasonable to flee?

I think this is fake. Ukrainian speakers wouldn't use prepositions or plurals this way.

I do wonder whether many people who took in Ukrainians were doing it for genuine humanitarian reasons or whether they were just virtue signalling.

Sounds like the OP has experience of the latter...

I’m so sorry you’ve been treated like this. I really don’t think people thought through the reality of having someone living in their home tbh. Or thought they’d don’t the “good thing” by helping the person get here (not saying this is reasonable).

It is really awful and shortsighted of those people but I think that might be the case.

Can I say that not everyone is like this? My auntie arranged back in 2022 for someone to come and stay with her, and she is now 100% a part of our family. I don’t like to call her a “guest” as that feels too distant. And I don’t mean it in a patronising way - I hope we are now part of her family too! Her Mum has been over to stay a few times, we all exchange Christmas gifts and various of us have spoken to her grandma and brother on the phone.

The “guest” (but we say we are cousins now) moved out a few months ago but she got a good job back quite early on and stayed with my auntie like family. My auntie is still like her UK auntie, if that makes sense!

I wonder, like some other posters, if some people liked the idea of hosting more than the reality. That once they had someone else in their house they felt a bit uncomfortable - British, certainly English, people tend to need a lot of personal space compared to some and they are quite self contained and want 'guests' to get a job because they are worried about them becoming to reliant on them socially or economically. I fear we're not natural hosts.

Not from the UK but a country that has housed a LOT of Ukrainians and I think this was very much the issue-

1 week not very many time to even relax

I don’t think there was an anticipation that people would view this as a relaxing holiday when they arrived- more of an emergency measure to ensure that people were housed in the very short term until they could get back on their feet. Three years on and there’s an expectation that Ukrainian people do not have to work, or pay for accommodation, and it’s causing tensions.

Probably a bit of both. If they were solely humanitarian they wouldn't have specifically picked Ukrainian refugees, there are plenty of others who need a safe space to stay.