40 years of school ends today.

[RapunzelsSplitEnds]

Our first child began school in 1985 and our youngest has his final day at school today.
There are huge age gaps between each of our three dcs and for the first time in forty years, there will be no child to start school after the holidays.
It must sound really silly but I’m finding it difficult to process or finding positive answers.
I have a lot of work planned in order to keep really busy over the next few months and aim to squash the inner voice saying “Is that it?”

Sorry if this isn’t making sense but I feel quite lost right now. I would really appreciate any helpful advice especially how others have coped.

Oh sorry I tend to think of finishing school as primary age
but I’m quite hands off from secondary onwards

With milestones that cause you sadness, I find the key is not to dwell on them. The more you allow yourself to think in terms of 'the last time' 'end of an era', the more sentiment takes hold. It helps me to think objectively about what I've really lost, what I still have, and what new things are on the horizon. One element of your life is changing. You won't do school runs and you won't be involved with schools. But the rest of your life, your family, hobbies, work and most of your day to day will chug on just the same. Acknowledge the moment, but if the thought of the ending isn't a happy one, think about other things. You'll adjust.

Wow my first started school in 2003 last will finish in 2033 and that seemed huge! Congratulations 🙌

Awww. I totally understand OP. I only have one child, still a toddler, but find motherhood already so bittersweet. So lovely seeing them progress and grow, but constantly a little bit of grief for the bits gone before.

It's going to be such a big change for you, and you are totally justified in feeling a bit lost. The next chapter will hold new and exciting things for you I'm sure, and you'll have the pleasure of watching you "littlest" becoming a fully fledged adult.

You’re 65! I’m 60 and my pension age is 67. It’s not going to move for you now!

It’s not dissimilar from being a teacher for that length of time. Governed by terms and half terms, adapting to the changes in just about everything to do with education. It’s true that what goes around comes around. There were ‘new’ initiatives I remembered from years past.

It takes some getting used to certainly. These days, I’m not always sure what day it is. Previously, everything was measured in half term blocks.

Doing this over such mind-blowing timespan - wow! Have you considered writing a book?

I think this would have been fairly normal in the past. My great grandmother had her first child at 16 and her last at 45.

Good grief. I was glad to see the back of the school run/school politics/bullying/shit from other mums/school rules, and all that bollocks. I had it for about 13-14 years with my 2, and I wouldn't have it back if you paid me. Enjoy the peace now @RapunzelsSplitEnds

That is really something! I think I might recognise you from some old threads about nannies and childcare? Academia too?

Mark the moment in some way if you can. But definitely take the opportunity to look back at the good times and smile!

I can understand that that must feel very strange OP. My eldest started school in 2002 and the youngest finished last year, so barely half your time and it still hit me as the end of an era. In fact I was reminded of it yesterday when a picture of my youngest standing by the school gates popped up on my Facebook memories. I'd picked him up as it was his very last day and as I was taking that photo the Headmaster walked past and stopped to say goodbye, saying some very nice things about my DC and that we'd be missed as a family. I nearly cried!
The school bus passes our house and used to pick up our DC at the end of our drive so I found the start of term very odd when it drove past without stopping, and even odder when I'd occasionally see the driver stop briefly, realise his mistake and set off again. Occasionally when I see the other kids in our village in their school uniforms I do get a pang of nostalgia and wish mine were still there.
But life goes on. There are things about the school days I do miss but there's a lot that is good about my life and my DC's lives now too. Transitions are often times of mixed emotion and I can imagine this one is quite hard, yet satisfying for you OP. Enjoy the next phase, whatever it brings.

This morning I was waiting for DS to go to school before I started work. He left school last week!

I also had 24 years of school which felt like a very long time but nowhere as long as 40! However my youngest child was very reasonable, ran her own life and got on with her homework without being harassed, so the last few years were not at all arduous. I always felt more sad when a child first started school, their freedom was effectively gone for most of the rest of their lives, other than holidays and retirement.

Based on what you've said your state pension age is 67 so not long now. Do you have a private pension to top it up?

OP I would genuinely love to read a first person piece by you! What would you say the top 3 biggest changes have been? What has been constant/stayed the same? What has surprised you? What would your top lessons be to other school parents? Any tips for motivating reluctant teens?!
What do you wish you had done differently?
What are you most proud of doing and would like to pass on to others?

I’m currently quite an involved parent due to not having much work on… and maybe trying to make up for working crazy hours when they were tiny. I keep thinking about moving closer to DC’s school but the area is very much dominated by that school and I worry that once they leave, I’d be looking at daily reminders of the institution I had left behind! I have a few years to go but fear it’s going to rush by in a blizzard of hormones and stress. And that’s just mine…

@MrsAvocet OK was holding it together before this. The image of the confused bus driver 😭

were you 47 when your youngest dc was born?

I think DS (8 years older) had a harder time leaving home and fending for himself. He left for university at 18+3 months with a vague idea of how to cook and to run a washing machine! Fortunately he was with 3 friends who all got care packages from their grandmothers so no shortage of pasta sauce…

As the last child we’ve regularly left DD to dogsit and she’s holidayed alone. She’s a city girl and a few school friends are sticking around, too.
Italian University is a lot more casual than the UK. Fees are €1500-2000 a year so they can take time out or work FT & study PT, or even change course at the drop of a hat! I can imagine DD doing that whereas her brother knuckled down and finished in the minimum time.

About the transition.
We all communicate and update on the family WhatsApp. DS is doing internship for another 4 years so not completely out of his learning phase. We continue to help with living costs.
DH is now retired and offers technical/admin support but I’m still working and appreciate a lightening of the load.
I think OP deserves a medal for dedication to the cause of school-age parenting!

Wow. I'm on 18yrs. Will be 28yrs when my youngest finishes!

I know exactly how you feel. First child started in 1992 and last child finished in 2023 It was weird not having to keep track of half terms and buy uniforms. Last kid is at Uni now so still home for summer. But I don't that's for much longer either.

My mil has just gone through similar. She has two babies in the 80s and then another in 2006.

Wow, that's amazing. We have an end of an era situation too, although less dramatic, as our youngest is leaving primary school and our eldest is starting university. We've had at least one child at that primary school since 2010 and for one year there were 4 of them there. My eldest has autism and has gone from not wanting to go to university at all to wanting to go somewhere 4 hours drive away and live there permanently which was quite a shock. I'm going to miss the silly little things like him following me around like a giant 6ft shadow telling me about his day at work, just like he did when he was 4.

That's amazing. Lucky you! Our youngest has his 6th form prom tonight and that's our 17 school years done. I really loved all the stages and feel a bit sad too. I hope you do something really special to celebrate this milestone.

Wow. That is remarkable. I assumed you maybe adopted to have an age span like that

Thank you all, I’m deeply moved but comforted by your words and kindness.

The biggest changes have been in the headmasters. Stern and distant in days of yore to open and approachable now.
I think I have a pHD in playground snarks, the cliques and not fitting in but I learned that it really didn’t matter what they thought. Please never feel upset by school gate nastiness as it isn’t worth getting het up. Ditto the occasional ‘difficult’ teacher. Goodness knows what worries they have. If they wanted huge essays for the following morning, they got them.

The biggest surprise was the shared toilets for pupils. I think that has now resolved?

Motivating reluctant teens.. tricky but one sneaky way was to begin a thing yourself then ‘struggle a bit and need help’ eg mowing the grass or sorting out the washing. Ignore the protests.
Spend loads of time with them outside, even just sitting and talking or listening.