To not want to eat Chinese - help me to see if I’m being unreasonable

[Watermoves]

My partners favourite take away is Chinese. I’m not keen, I’m vegetarian (raised this way) and just find its bland and boring. I have eaten Chinese but I don’t really like it.

Therefore we often have Indian, Mexican, pizza etc if we have a takeaway all of which he also really likes. I often offer to get him a Chinese or suggest he gets one if I’m working late etc but he always says no.

it come to a head tonight as he wanted a Chinese take away and I didn’t fancy it but suggested I would get something else. He said it’s not the same eating a takeaway alone. I kinda get that, but I would have got myself an Indian. (We would be eating at the table together just different food)

He basically said I should suck it up and eat the Chinese food every so often for him? My rationale is that I shouldn’t have to eat what I don’t want or like?

who is being unreasonable?

Mind you, I have never eaten a really good quality'Indian' meal - so maybe never been introduced to the subtleties of that cuisine.

just the usual offerings from the local Bangladeshi places which to me look taste and small repulsive.

I would manage one of those tandoori dishes if my partner really wanted an Indian but the stench from someone else's curry would really put me off.

At least Chinese food doesn't stink!

Find a good quality Chinese restaurant- it makes a lot of difference.

I have read the OP:

‘My partners favourite take away is Chinese. I’m not keen, I’m vegetarian (raised this way) and just find its bland and boring. I have eaten Chinese but I don’t really like it.
Therefore we often have Indian, Mexican, pizza etc if we have a takeaway all of which he also really likes’

AKA the OP doesn’t really like Chinese so the majority of the time her partner ends up eating what she wants to keep her happy. And then she also does most of the cooking as she’s a veggie (so again wants to make sure she gets to eat what she wants) so the poor guy is always eating her food preferences and the one thing he wants to eat every blue moon as it’s his favourite, she gets on her high horse, probably chews his ears off about how much she doesn’t like it and comes on Mumsnet to bitch.

I don’t see how getting a Chinese once in a while is such a big issue for the OP. Suck it up and get a plain chow Mein and chips or something, keep your partner happy and stop being so selfish.

All those saying why can’t he just have his own thing seem to be actively ignoring the fact that across the globe, since the earliest times sharing food and meals has been a way of building relationships, communities and fostering a sense of togetherness.

From the day to day; to big occasions, societies everywhere recognise that sharing food creates bonds. And yet here people are saying, “I don’t understand why you would want to eat together?”. He wants to do it because that’s what humans do.

90% of the time he is having the vegetarian food the OP cooks at home, then he is having Indian or Thai or Italian takeaways as her preference. Once in a blue moon he wants his preferred option of a Chinese, and he values a shared experience. I don’t see anything wrong with that.

I would also say dating over the years there have been many dishes and cuisines I thought wouldn’t be my bag, but trying them with new people- exploring different areas of the menu, I have uncovered some real delights.

Have you considered a career in the greeting card/wall decal industry?

No one is ignoring the “Bonds created through food across the globe from the beginning of time” angle. They’re acknowledging that it’s only a lovely bonding shared experience if both parties enjoy it. You’d have to have had a triple irony bypass to say “But eating the same foods together is a lovely shared experience! So who cares if one of the people sharing it hates it?”

How fucking weird and needy is he?!

YANBU I'm a vegetarian and have never liked Chinese, my heart sinks if it's mentioned as an option. I've been to loads of different places, but I don't like the sauces, I don't like spicy food generally and I find Chinese sauces slimey. If we have it I end up with either chowmein or egg fried rice, which is a bit dull. I'm not mega keen on tofu and most offerings are tofu, spicy or slimey. I also don't cook meat for my DH, I don't know how to cook it and the smell makes me feel sick, he's very welcome to cook it for himself.
Also I don't think the opposite to bland is spicy.

I don’t think he’s expecting the OP to start clapping, jumping up and down and showering him in confetti when he mentions a Chinese. He probably just wants her to not roll her eyes and moan and groan about how much she doesn’t like it, the one time in 6 months he asks for it. It’s not a lot do ask for your partner to just say ‘okay, we’ll have a Chinese tonight’.

Tofu with black bean and green pepper and egg fried rice would be my recommendation

My DH won’t eat Chinese, so I only eat it very occasionally with others (or if he’s out, by myself which is heavenly)

Where do we draw the line in making someone do something they don't want to do with their body for the sake of someone else's desires?

I have read the OP

But you’ve studiously ignored this part of it:

Therefore we often have Indian, Mexican, pizza etc if we have a takeaway all of which he also really likes’

You’re trying to make it sound like having one of several other options he really likes is a like for like comparison to the OP having something she really doesn’t. It isn’t.

I don’t see how getting a Chinese once in a while is such a big issue for the OP. Suck it up and get a plain chow Mein and chips or something, keep your partner happy and stop being so selfish.

Because it isn’t necessary. OP’s husband can have his Chinese - OP just won’t be sharing it with him. But for some reason this isn’t good enough for him.

I’ve still yet to see a decent explanation of why he needs the OP to have the Chinese too. Why he can’t just do the very thing she suggested in her OP - he orders what he wants, she orders what she wants.

Probably by buying a takeaway to himself!

Given it’s possible for you to both have a takeaway at the same time - I mean why does it have to be Chinese - why doesn’t he go the whole hog insist it’s the same meal ? If you don’t like something it’s a waste of money to buy it

Nobody, particularly not the OP, is suggesting they don't eat together. Just that they don't have to eat exactly the same thing.

If you go out to a restaurant and order the fillet steak, would you complain about not sharing a meal if your partner chooses the trout?

That's a matter of perception. There are many chinese dishes which smell and a taiwanese favourite is Smelly Tofu. Btw many western dishes smell too and smell is perhaps the most important component in food tasting. I really hate the stupidity and snobbishness in decrying the smell of other cuisines. Have a word with yourself.

Not necessary to run down any cuisine. Chinese food is flavoursome and healthy, not slimy and smelly. Same with indian. The issue is OP's BF insisting on her joining him for a chinese - it is up to her, he cannot force it. At the same time, she should return the courtesy and not insist that he refrain from Chinese food.

He sounds controlling and manipulative. Is that his character or is this just an odd foible? I'd keep an eye out for other controlling behaviour.

She isn't stopping him ordering Chinese though is she? If he wants to be a giant man baby and sulk because the person eating at the same table isn't eating the same food, then he needs to grow the fuck up

Isn’t part of a takeaway that you enjoy it together? I find the responses saying that’s weird weird!

No I wouldn’t expect them to eat the same dish, but I would expect them to come to the same restaurant!!!

Anyone else having Chinese tonight after reading this thread ✋️

So why is coming to the same table with different takeaways any different?

I can't see his logic at all if he could still get the Chinese while you ate something else, why does he want you to eat something you don't really even enjoy when you could both eat what you liked? That's weird

They'd only both enjoy the Take Away if they both liked it though surely?