To refuse to commute with my colleague after hire car policy changed

[BethB89]

This is potentially a longish post so apologies!

As part of my job, this requires monthly travel to a site two hours away for an all day meeting with the other managers in our department. Until the start of this year, we’d arrange our own hire cars through our company’s partner and this would be an no cost to us. There was always four of us who needed to travel and we would have a car each.

As part of a cost cutting exercise, at the start of this year the policy changed so that we’d be required to share one car. Understandable and no issue.

The problem lies in the fact that of my other colleagues; one has left and wasn’t replaced, the other has an exception to not attend these meetings for the foreseeable future due to a personal matter - which leaves just me and a male colleague.

We’ve had three 4 hour round trips now and I can’t bite my tongue any longer.

I drove on the first occasion and he was critical of my driving, when I dropped him home he said he was glad to make it back in one piece and told me he hasn’t been that scared in a car since divorcing his ex wife who ‘struggled too’. Really rude - I have had no issues when driving and no complaints from anyone else.

To the next two journeys with him - if we are driving through a town and there’s an obviously attractive woman walking along he will slow the car down and blatantly stare at her (including a glance in the rear view mirror once we’ve passed). This makes me really uncomfortable and has happened multiple times across both journeys.

He repeatedly comments on other road users and will say ‘bet that’s a woman’ when he notices a car driving poorly.

The final straw was him opening the front windows and breaking wind really loudly in front of me.

I feel like he has no respect for me and I feel so uncomfortable now.

Would it be unreasonable of me to say I won’t travel with him again and will only attend the meeting if I drive myself there?

You just let rip in front of your colleagues?!

Can you not hold in a fart for the duration of a work meeting? Or in an office with colleagues? That's really not normal.

Do you think maybe they mean the only sphincter we have control of?!

Exactly. Not to mention the photos of blood clots and discharge. B

I would explain to your line manager that you are having to put up with sexism in the workplace and you are being made to feel very uncomfortable. I would also tell him that his sexist comments have no place in a professional workspace

Skip your line manager. Straight to HR. It has more power, and you need to go straight for the jugular here. You won't be getting into a car with him again.

This is sexual harassment. This is bullying. This is unacceptable.

(Also, who the fuck are the people on here who think it's OK to let rip in front of colleagues? Or anyone in fact?)

Complain about his sexism. He needs a formal warning.

Yes of course he should have !
Showing who you really are too with that comment .

Would all the people who are so outraged about someone farting be similarly horrified by someone sneezing or hiccuping? They’re all normal bodily functions, and most people I know can’t stop any of them, although I think it’s usually possible to control the volume, but not always.

If that’s your logic, surely this is why men shouldn’t work at all?

If men are intrinsically unable to work in a way that is respectful to colleagues, probably best we leave the important work to women who can control their sexual desires when required.

There's no issue working with men who don't repeatedly make sexist comments and slow down to creepily perv on women pedestrians. That's not normal behaviour at all.

People can generally control farting unless they have a medical condition.. there are plenty of situations where its not appropriate.
Hiccups and sneezes can't be held in until a better moment like a fart can. Pulling over for a toilet break or leg stretch would have been the logical thing to do.

(Most) builders wouldn't do that if there was a woman in the vehicle.

His comments about your driving are sexist so need reporting as does his harassment. You don’t have to put up with this - ask for your own car or is public transport an option?

Yes, absolutely this. Straight to HR.

Of course there’s no difference in the ability to hold back sneezes, farts or hiccups - they all happen when your body needs them to happen and the vast majority of people in real life can’t stop them.

if OP finds this man’s behaviour so unpleasant, surely the obvious thing would be to challenge him rather than to report it?

Take headphones and an audio book (or just a book), totally ignore what he does or says and enjoy your peaceful ride to and from the meeting. Or take a laptop and paperwork and sit in the back to work, let him be chauffeur, either get ahead on your working week if you can, or catch up on your social life, or post a running commentary on MN.

Unless someone's got continence issues of course they can hold a fart in.
Surely you don't sit farting during work meetings or at parents evening

He is at work while driving, and his behaviour is not acceptable in the workplace. Refuse and explain why, and give them a link to this Acas page which explains it's sex-based harassment not directed at a specific person.

www.acas.org.uk/sex-discrimination/types-of-sex-discrimination#:~:text=Example%20of%20harassment%20not%20directed%20at%20a%20specific%20person

Yes, this is what a normal person would do when travelling with a colleague. He's at work, he should behave professionally.

So ridiculous defending loud farting, as many has said, it doesn't usually happen in meetings does it? And we all know what kind of fart it was, not one that was inevitable but a performance one, which is incredibly unprofessional and totally immature and juvenile. Have a word with line manager/HR and see if you can use your own car as it's more convenient.

I am always perplexed by comments like this or the comment that it is not possible for people to control their farts.

We all live in the world so know that we and others can control our farts to a very, large degree (continence problems withstanding). Very, very rare accidents aside, I've never farted in company and no one has ever farted in my company. I've been on the planet for 56 years. This is how things are when people are respectful in company.

If you are in company and you need to fart, you go to the toilet (or a place where no one is). You go to the toilet if you need to fart, pee, poop, or do other things that you shouldn't do in company.

If you are in the car with a work colleague, for instance, you either hold it in until you arrive at your destination, or if that will take too long, you say you need a toilet break, interrupt the journey and use the loo.

But why am I even writing this, we all know this.

You work with Jackson Lamb!!

Explain in full to work manager.
Have them brain storm an answer to your problem.
You should not have to put up with that rudeness.

Yes, I'm sure you're right. 👍🏻