To refuse to commute with my colleague after hire car policy changed

[BethB89]

This is potentially a longish post so apologies!

As part of my job, this requires monthly travel to a site two hours away for an all day meeting with the other managers in our department. Until the start of this year, we’d arrange our own hire cars through our company’s partner and this would be an no cost to us. There was always four of us who needed to travel and we would have a car each.

As part of a cost cutting exercise, at the start of this year the policy changed so that we’d be required to share one car. Understandable and no issue.

The problem lies in the fact that of my other colleagues; one has left and wasn’t replaced, the other has an exception to not attend these meetings for the foreseeable future due to a personal matter - which leaves just me and a male colleague.

We’ve had three 4 hour round trips now and I can’t bite my tongue any longer.

I drove on the first occasion and he was critical of my driving, when I dropped him home he said he was glad to make it back in one piece and told me he hasn’t been that scared in a car since divorcing his ex wife who ‘struggled too’. Really rude - I have had no issues when driving and no complaints from anyone else.

To the next two journeys with him - if we are driving through a town and there’s an obviously attractive woman walking along he will slow the car down and blatantly stare at her (including a glance in the rear view mirror once we’ve passed). This makes me really uncomfortable and has happened multiple times across both journeys.

He repeatedly comments on other road users and will say ‘bet that’s a woman’ when he notices a car driving poorly.

The final straw was him opening the front windows and breaking wind really loudly in front of me.

I feel like he has no respect for me and I feel so uncomfortable now.

Would it be unreasonable of me to say I won’t travel with him again and will only attend the meeting if I drive myself there?

I’d be having a word with HR. You’re on business time, his sexism is offensive.

Next time, I’d be saying something like “it’s no wonder she’s an ex wife with the way you talk and leer at women - we don’t like it”.

What a gross creep he is.

Regarding him slowing down, looking at women and making you feel uncomfortable about that (understandably, by the way) - this comes under sexual harassment at work and employers have a new duty now, to ensure they take reasonable steps to prevent it from occurring. Insisting you share a car with him falls foul of that as you’re not being protected from that behaviour. Sexual harassment at work doesn’t have to be deliberate, it’s the effect the behaviour has on another person.

Take this to HR - he needs a talking to (at the very least). His behaviour is unprofessional and unacceptable.

Personally, whilst I find farting amusing among family, in any work situation it’s inappropriate unless a total accident. Forcing one out ‘loud and proud’ is deliberate and insulting. In contrast, a male colleague accidentally did a tiny one which I noticed and we about died laughing because he was both embarrassed and surprised by it.

Your knobhead colleague is a twat who’s pushing too many boundaries.

I’d be speaking to your line manager (who is responsible for managing people - performance, conduct etc.) and outlining exactly what you have said he has been doing. Keep in factual - dates, times, what he said and did and then say how it makes you feel.

If your line manager needs assistance in handling the situation, then he/she should approach HR for advice.

Not an uproar but its f**king disgusting to do that in a work place setting, yes go to the toilet or somewhere private. Dont just let rip, it's hardly surprising that things that come out of your arse really arent for your colleagues to experience.

Take it to HR asap. What a pig. Definitely stand your ground.

Plenty of men can work with women and not make sexist comments. The man is the issue here.

People on MN are posting nude pictures?

I'd definitely take his behaviouir to HR.

Why can't they have a zoom meeting?

‘In person collaboration’ is the preferred approach for senior management!

I think the deliberate large fart is actually aggressive, like taking up territory, and in a gross way. I imagine he could have done it silently. Usually we all manage to avoid that despite all having the same fundamental bodily functions.
Definitely raise it with your hr or line manager and ask to either hire your own car or have it hybrid/online.

Yeah well not spending 4 hours with the sexism generator is your preferred approach, so....

I work with lots of men. Nearly all of them manage not to be sexist. (Although a couple have failed.) Please raise it.

I wouldn't have gotten into a car with him a second time.

Aggressive, misogynistic pig.

I would formalise a complaint in detail to HR.

His misogynistic remarks have hade you feel extremely intimidated and unsafe and you will not share space again.

Repeat every slur in your email.
Clarity often comes when things are written down in.black and write for HR.

This is potentially grievance stuff.

Go to HR. Tell them what happened. Let them deal with the sexist, gross pig.

also ask for an exception for the car hire or ask to expense the travel at the right rate per mile and claim it back of you have your own car.

And for the poster who thinks farting in front of colleagues is ok, it’s not. Our anus etc is actually the only muscle in the body you are in control of, so I suggest you try utilising a new skill.

The only muscle we're in control of? So me using hand muscles to type this is not something I am in control of? That could explain a lot of MN, I suppose.

Horrendous experience.
A formal complaint, and a refusal to travel with him are both totally reasonable.
Good luck! x

He's got no respect for you, and is making your place of work uncomfortable.

Escalate to your line manager and HR. Do you have a Respect at Work advisor?

Also, could you get to the meetings by train (at your employer's expense)?

Edited to add: I’m an industry mentor for women in my (very male industry). This blatant misogyny really pisses me off, and needs calling out.

He's an idiot and this could be the end of his employment if you persue it, which is your decision. It comes within workplace legislation and policies. There is plenty of case law around men making derogatory or sexual comments about women in general in front of women being classified as sexual harassment. It doesn't have to be directed at you. The confined space of a car and time forced to be together is an aggregating factor. You don't have to endure this and nobody should minimise it in your organisation if you report it. It shouldn't be you inconvenienced getting a train etc, either.

I have opened a thread to see a boil on someone’s labia before tbf 🤔

He seems to have forgotten that that car is an extension of the office and his behaviour is not acceptable. Make a formal complaint about his sexist behaviour; the comments about your driving, the comments about women drivers and the slowing down and leering at women he passes. End your complaint with a clear statement that you will not travel with him anymore.

Marked this one 6/10 for the poor grammar and themes - maybe reference your misogyny with more contemporary ideas next time? Suggesting to the OP that it’s acceptable to critique women drivers and leer at dolly birds is frankly a bit 1970s. Also, proof read before posting. We look forward to your next contribution.

If he can hold it in during a meeting at work he can hold it in during a car journey with a colleague as it's still a work environment. If he was desperate he should have stopped for a toilet break.

Our anus etc is actually the only muscle in the body you are in control of, so I suggest you try utilising a new skill.

This is the best comment I've seen on MN all week. Absolutely first-class!

(Because it's so uniquely bizarre, not because it's true!)

Omg he is vile.
Raise with HR, health and safety from being gassed, mental anguish, bullying and harassement to name a few.