To choose convenience over facilities for 3 month old starting nursery?

[safetyfirst1]

FTM here and really struggling with a nursery decision for my little one who’ll be starting at 3 months. Posting here for additional traffic.

I’m self-employed so have flexibility with work schedule.

Planning 3 full days at nursery (though realistically 6 hours/day average but have to pay for the full day as the half day hours don’t suit) plus one day with grandparents weekly. The third nursery day will likely be shorter (4 hours) or sometimes skipped entirely - paying for the flexibility to get life admin sorted when needed.

Nursery 1 - The Convenient Choice

5 minutes from home, directly on route to work
£64/day
Staff seem genuinely caring with babies
Good Ofsted rating
Downsides: Converted house that needs some TLC, the nursery is also only 2 years old, limited curriculum info

Nursery 2 - The Premium Choice

Beautiful, modern facilities
Daily app updates (photos, feeding, sleep times)
Comprehensive curriculum
£85/day (affordable for us but still more expensive)
Downside: 15- 20-minute detour each way = 60 minute total extra travel daily there and back for each day he attends.

Nursery 2 is objectively better, but that’s potentially 4 hours weekly just in extra driving. We’re planning to move him to the school nursery at 2 anyway, so this is temporary.

Part of me thinks the convenience will matter more day-to-day, especially in winter, but I’m worried I’m shortchanging him by not choosing the “better” option. Then again, he’s only 3 months - does curriculum really matter at that age?

Any parents dealt with similar decisions? What would you prioritise - convenience or facilities for such a young baby?

Also, are three half days plus one day with the grandparents too much at this age?

Thanks in advance! 💙

Wanted to update you all after discussing everything with DH and having a proper think overnight. Both nurseries have been chasing me for an answer which has been stressing me out, especially after some of the less supportive comments on my original post basically calling me a terrible mum. Anyway, I’ve had to toughen up and decide what I think is best for me and my family, even if it makes me a “terrible mother” in some people’s eyes.

Here’s what we’ve decided:

• Starting with 2 days a week at nursery (probably collecting after 6 hours max each day)
• Asked them to add a third day when he hits 6 months
• Nan will still have him one day a week in addition

So until 6 months, I’m basically spending 4 full days with him myself

I think this is reasonable despite what some posters apparently think.

Had another chat with DH about the whole nursery vs nanny thing, and he got a bit frustrated that I was going back over decisions at the eleventh hour when we’d already discussed it thoroughly. He still stands by not wanting to pay extra for a nanny or have a third party in our house. I’m not about to argue the point with him, and honestly, I think daycare for just two days a week is probably the better option anyway. Finding a nanny who’d be happy with such flexible, limited hours (12 hours/week) would be challenging - they’d probably want more consistent work.

Thanks to everyone who left supportive comments - I really appreciate it. Maybe this will become a decision I regret, who knows. I guess none of us are perfect parents and we’re all just doing our best with the circumstances we have.

Sounds like you have really thought this through OP. Which nursery have you decided to go for?

@CuteOrangeElephanthaha I forgot to state!! Nursery one I’ve opted for. It makes sense and based on posts here too, I really think the travel even though isn’t that excessive could be spent doing so many other things especially when I am time poor right now.

I have tossed and turned over it but I feel comfortable with my decision and only time will tell I guess!

@GoodOldTrayBakegive me a break, yes - as mothers most of us are doing their best.

Sorry but I’m not going to ‘fight tooth and nail’ right now, I am not that convinced by a nanny either.

Yes I have issues with my DH and don’t quite frankly need added pressure right now.

i am indeed doing my best, thank you very much

Good for you OP. We all make decisions based on what is best for our own family set up and if the decision feels right for you, then it IS the right one.

Some of my friends have gone for the fancy nursery that costs £30/day more than mine, and they've had no end of trouble with things like management of allergies, and in my view their staff use devices WAY too much.

My nursery has actually been put onto Requires Improvement, but the grounds are pretty spurious and don't reflect my experience as a parent - but more importantly, my experience of visiting and working with early years settings professionally (NOT as Ofsted!).

Final word of warning, it's good that you have a plan, just be ready for whatever feels "right" to change... And change, and change!

Speaking from experience of both nursery & school years, please set expectations right from the start that both parents are responsible for sharing the load for last minute childcare issues. It does not automatically default to the mum.

A huge plus in later years will be your baby's immune system as they will have almost certainly got chickenpox out of the way at an early stage!

Sounds like the right decision in your situation. I hope it works out for you.

This exactly. You didn't come to ask for peoples opinion on your choice of returning to work. It is your choice and life. Three days at nursery will be fine.

Definitely go for convenience. We chose school that was 'good' rather than the 'outstanding' one further away. Such a good choice. Logistics are a major piece of the puzzle when dealing with kids/ pick up etc.

🤞

There's a big jump from 3 months to 4 months, my sister in law put her eldest with a choldminder at 4 months which still feels more baby friendly than a nursery at that age. I genuinely couldn't have done it, I'd have had to lose my job. Literally. My eldest had health stuff so couldn't safely have been left.

@TaraRhuand @SErunnerthank you so much for your posts they’ve given me confidence in my decision. I may push him back to start at four months but for now he will do five hours a day x 2. I don’t need to go back to work full time but I feel I am neglecting my work by not at least having a presence. I feel like it needs some of my attention otherwise I may not have a business to go back to.

ive found people’s judgement on here really odd too. You’d think I asked if it’s ok to bring my baby to a nightclub or something else really neglectful!!

@safetyfirst1 I am not sure why you found it odd. You’ve posted in a chat forum and asked for opinions. People (and specifically a lot of mothers with experience) have posted and given you their opinion, which was overwhelmingly against your plan. It’s up to you to ignore these opinions, but I hardly see what is odd or surprising about hearing from people with a different view to you.

Good luck OP. We found the nursery staff became the family support we didn’t have. It made such a difference having reliable, trustworthy people in our child’s life who she could build her own relationship with.

@GoodOldTrayBakea respectful opinion is one thing, a judgemental comment is another

Would your choice be different, if everyone had been respectful in disagreeing with you?

Genuinely curious. I think you have had some very harsh replies.

You’ve interpreted any dissenting opinion as a “judgment”. Not sure why you bothered posting if you weren’t prepared to hear different viewpoints

Maternity leave was 16 weeks. Unless you worked right up to the day of birth then there would be some time off before the baby arrived. And 2 of mine were a fortnight late so that was eating into maternity leave. It was 16 weeks ML not till baby was 16 weeks old

@Fundayout2025 indeed - I remember it well -

Strangely enought my now adult kids haven't suffered due to it

@CommissarySushii just found some of the comments totally unnecessary - not expressing an opinion just being nasty for the sake of it. Keyboard warriors…

@GoodOldTrayBakeno I haven’t. Some posters are just unkind and if you can’t see that then I don’t know what to tell you…

So would you have reconsidered your childcare plans, if you hadn't received those unnecessary comments?

Ignore them. Plenty of countries only provide 6 weeks paid maternity leave, having a working mother will not damage your baby FFS. Probably the opposite as you will be better rested and have time to yourself and will be able to give your baby your 100% best the rest of the time. Do what’s right for you and your family, you’ll be judged either way.

@CommissarySushi@GoodOldTrayBake the OP didn’t ask for opinions re whether putting a 3 months old in nursery is a good idea…

Hope it goes well OP. I have our 3 month old in my arms currently and would be fine putting him in daycare 5 hours a day a few days a week with the right people. Our 4 year old started nursery full time at 6 months and we have a wonderful relationship. Do what’s right for you.