To choose convenience over facilities for 3 month old starting nursery?

[safetyfirst1]

FTM here and really struggling with a nursery decision for my little one who’ll be starting at 3 months. Posting here for additional traffic.

I’m self-employed so have flexibility with work schedule.

Planning 3 full days at nursery (though realistically 6 hours/day average but have to pay for the full day as the half day hours don’t suit) plus one day with grandparents weekly. The third nursery day will likely be shorter (4 hours) or sometimes skipped entirely - paying for the flexibility to get life admin sorted when needed.

Nursery 1 - The Convenient Choice

5 minutes from home, directly on route to work
£64/day
Staff seem genuinely caring with babies
Good Ofsted rating
Downsides: Converted house that needs some TLC, the nursery is also only 2 years old, limited curriculum info

Nursery 2 - The Premium Choice

Beautiful, modern facilities
Daily app updates (photos, feeding, sleep times)
Comprehensive curriculum
£85/day (affordable for us but still more expensive)
Downside: 15- 20-minute detour each way = 60 minute total extra travel daily there and back for each day he attends.

Nursery 2 is objectively better, but that’s potentially 4 hours weekly just in extra driving. We’re planning to move him to the school nursery at 2 anyway, so this is temporary.

Part of me thinks the convenience will matter more day-to-day, especially in winter, but I’m worried I’m shortchanging him by not choosing the “better” option. Then again, he’s only 3 months - does curriculum really matter at that age?

Any parents dealt with similar decisions? What would you prioritise - convenience or facilities for such a young baby?

Also, are three half days plus one day with the grandparents too much at this age?

Thanks in advance! 💙

Kids don't care about the 'look' of the place like adults do. Our first nursery for our toddler was in a converted house and looked pretty small/ shabby but my daughter was so happy there! They were also incredibly inventive with their activities and artwork. The staff make or break the nursery, more than anything else. If you like the staff of nursery one, this is your one.

If you can afford a nanny, which you say you can, then I think you should definitely do that rather than put a 3 momth old in nursery. Much better for the baby.

@safetyfirst1, Childcare : what the science says | by criticalscience | Medium - this is an article summarising lots of studies done on attachement (all are linked).

Entirely agree.

Yes exactly what I was pointing out. Don't think was a year when my DS was small _ although maybe 6 months then and he's 21. My eldest DD is almost 34 and was 16 weeks then

DD 1 went to nursery at 13 weeks along with many of her contemparies and has grown into a perfectly happy adult

If money isn’t an issue don’t send a 3-month-old to nursery.

A baby doesn't need a curriculum nor do you need an app. If they are spending all.day adding info to the app for all the children, how much time does that take away from the children?

A 9 month-old is quite young for nursery. I'd look at childminders.

Get a nanny

What makes a nursery good or not is the staff. An app with photos is just a flash way of updating you. What are the staff like? Qualifications/ experience/ retention .

No, the vast majority of mothers didn’t work but stayed at home with the children.

In the 90s? Not noticable from all the people I worked with that had kids

In your shoes I picked the cheaper/slightly shabbier/friendlier nursery vs the corporate style one. This was for my 3rd child and I think I had done every combo of care by the time she came along.
Id look carefully at separation from toddlers/ ratios/named carers etc.

They’re so young at that age and they will get so unwell and so will you. You’ll be lucky to use 1 day a week for the first year with the revolving viruses. It’s just not great for a baby that young to not have a primary care giver.

I was born in the 90’s, none of my friends mums worked until we were in secondary. Few more did when my youngest sibling born in early 00’s was at school.

Why will they be guaranteed to get unwell. I've had 3 kids in childcare My eldest had one day off in 4 years of nursery with earache, the 2nd one a fortnight with chickenpox ( caught from then school aged sister) and don't remember DS having any time off

Well maybe that's just your circle. Many of my workmates had kids _ and were obviously working . There were 6 of us had babies and returned to work within the same year as each other

Of the two, I’d go for convenience

I don't think that's true.
I had two babies in the 80s and all my friends went back to work, as did I.
It was in the 60s and 70s when women were more likely to be SAHMs. And earlier than that, of course.

The same could be said for your circle…

@safetyfirst1 I suggested the dynamic in your relationship seemed a bit odd as, at the moment, post partum and with a newborn ( your first), you and your baby should have priority. Instead you seem to be in a fruitless struggle with a husband who seems to be q unreasonable. I may be wrong, obviously, as I'm only going on what you have written.

I understand that his mindset can be inflexible but that puts extra pressure on you at a time when you need understanding and support, not to mention practical help. That doesn't give him the right to dictate how you care for your baby, especially as he doesn't seem to want to listen to you. Yes you're both the parents but mothers of newborns generally have an instinctive sense of their baby's major needs. It's how humans have managed to survive up to now. So, yes, he gets a say, but it needs to be reasonable and flexible. Neuro diversity doesn't mean he can't learn to respect your opinions and abilities.And he doesn't need written evidence before he'll listen.

I hope the therapy you're having is helpful and that you feel less overwhelmed soon, and more confident.

I made the comment about the nursery because my usual reaction would be that nurseries are not good for such a young baby, but, given your present situation perhaps it might take some immediate pressure away. I can see you're trying your best in what, to an outsider, sounds a difficult situation, and that you obviously do care about your baby.

Look for research more recent than 1989 and 1999. That’s wildly outdated.

Same here and all 3 of mine started at 3 months. I was never 'so unwell' either.

@safetyfirst1 as you rightly say, there are millions of well rounded emotionally intelligent children across the US and France (and many other countries) who attend nursery from a young age. If you are struggling you are doing absolutely the right thing to give yourself a break and will probably find you enjoy your time with your baby even more for it. Good luck x

As someone who was back working full time when my babies were 4 months (mat leave isn’t the same here as UK), I chose convenience and loving caregivers than a home nanny or helper and for similar reasons to you and your husband.

The daycare was close to my office and I could go and see him whenever I wanted, I could also nurse during the day and felt more confident having him with caregivers I could see daily.

I would 100% go with the one you got the best feeling from than one with a fancy curriculum or apps.

And my personal experience was that my babies were happy forming bonds with their caregivers and never had separation anxiety because they were used to other people.

20 years is a long time and things change for a reason