To want to tell the local addict to step away from the kids?

[dilemmaemmaemma]

There was a classic multi substance addict hanging out in the park yesterday. Can of cheap beer in hand, gaunt, toothless, incoherently chatting to themself, I don't know their name, so let's just call them LA. LA had a speaker playing fairly loud music, and my 3 year old and her friend went over and started dancing to the music and running rings around LA. LA seemed to genuinely be enjoying the fact the kids were enjoying the music, so it was kind of harmonious. Me and the other mum kept trying to tell the kids this wasn't the right person to play with, but they kept running over. Eventually I went over with the kids and I really didn't feel comfortable getting too close to LA, and didn't want to strike up conversation because they were just to in their own world and I didn't know what would happen if I tried to chat. So I told the kids we were going to play musical statues and took them back to where the other mum was and played a game with them there and that kept them from running back to LA. I genuinely wanted to have a word with LA to say I don't want my kid playing with a stranger who is clearly not sober and could they listen to their music elsewhere. Am I being unreasonable? And what could I have done differently to keep the kids safe and not be a jerk in front of LA?

You want an "addict" to control your child's behavior for you????

Like them or not, you are in a public park, and unless there are specific measures in place to exclude them, LA is a member of the public. You very reasinably don't want your children playing with a stranger - whoever that stranger is - so you supervise them to ensure they do not, and you teach them not to approach strangers. Parent your children, don't blame others when you don't.

@Icedlattepleaseno, I want an addict to stop hanging out in the children's playground

I think you'd be very daft to expect a sensible coherent answer from this person. They are in public, not doing any harm, so no you can't tell them to move, and you'd be unwise to try.

You are not being unreasonable, it’s grim. Unfortunately there is probably nothing you can do about it.

That isn't what you asked. It was "Am I being unreasonable? And what could I have done differently to keep the kids safe and not be a jerk in front of LA?"

Yes you are being unreasonable. What you could have done to keep the kids safe is supervise and teach them better. And if you don't like members of the public hanging around in parks, don't go to parks. It may not be what you want, but people you don't want to see are still members of the public. They are allowed in public spaces.

Perhaps you could join / set up a group to and help addicts find spaces to support them? Most addiction services have been cut to the bone / are no longer available.

@PhilippaGeorgiou we repeatedly told the kids to stop going over to LA, and they ignored us, which is why I just set up another activity for them so they had something else fun to do. I think they're too young to understand stranger danger, they're only 3. I'm not sure what else I could have done really. What would you have done?

Teaching children how to discriminate who is a safe person and who isn’t is responsible parenting , you did this . Expecting undesirables to not be in the park or exist is not acceptable.

Like I would have done every other time I told my children not to do something at the park and they ignored me - I would have taken them home and left the park! You have the power to remove yourself and your kids, you don't have the power to eject someone you deem 'undesirable' from the park.

"Time to go play something else or time to go home"

Then either they play something else or you take them home.

Taken them by the hand, taken them away and ensured they did not go back. If they ignore you then you take the children away, not expect the other person to manage them or move away.

Unless they’re taking drugs in front of the kids or approaching people and harassing them, they’re not doing anything wrong. It’s a public park. They’re allowed to be there.

To start with not try and control someone else who has as much right as you to be there no matter how unpalatable they are to you

Just for the record I'm not saying I wanted this person to stop existing.

Local park or ‘children’s playground’? Big difference.

Regardless, it’s a public space and anyone can be there. You can only control your own responses and behaviour.

Was he specifically in the kids playground or just in the park?

The person you can't control and have no right to control is the "addict"

The person you should be able to control and have a responsibility to control is your child.

You may not like the "addict" being there, but Noone wants to do the things that make that suitation less likely (tax and fund social care and mental health). You should not be expecting someone to move on simply because you are unable to control your child. The man deserves your pity not your censure simply for existing in a location inconvenient to you.

They're three. The solution is pick them up and go elsewhere.

You are being unreasonable. It's a public place. He has - this may shock you - just as much right to be there as you do.

He wasn't being threatening, or violent or anything, he was just listening to a bit of music, outdoors, the kids were enjoying it, he was enjoying the kids enjying it. Children are usually much less judgemental than adults so this is not surprising.

You are the only one with a problem here, so you have two solutions available to you

1. Deal with your issue somehow, which you did with the musical statue thing
2. Go somewhere else.

It is not the other person's problem to sort out your issue for you by leaving.

Oh how generous and gracious of you 😂

They started off in the kids playground, and then moved on to the field outside the nursery which is always full of under 5s at that time of day (it was the end of the nursery day). They seemed to be actively encouraging the kids to come dance to the music with them.

Don’t go to that park if it attracts undesirables

So.. when you tell the children not to run into the road and they do, do you expect all the cars to have NOT driven down that road in case your child does something silly?

I get it, no one wants the local homeless addict hanging out around the playground, but your job is to teach your children to listen to you and to avoid people who might not be safe.

If he was atally IN the playground, that's a different story and/or if you think they are purposefully targeting kids. In which case I'd report him. Not speak to him.

Drip Drip

Not his fault re the field is full of kids after Nursery ..

This is the first time I've seen something like this has happen at that park.