To want to tell the local addict to step away from the kids?

[dilemmaemmaemma]

There was a classic multi substance addict hanging out in the park yesterday. Can of cheap beer in hand, gaunt, toothless, incoherently chatting to themself, I don't know their name, so let's just call them LA. LA had a speaker playing fairly loud music, and my 3 year old and her friend went over and started dancing to the music and running rings around LA. LA seemed to genuinely be enjoying the fact the kids were enjoying the music, so it was kind of harmonious. Me and the other mum kept trying to tell the kids this wasn't the right person to play with, but they kept running over. Eventually I went over with the kids and I really didn't feel comfortable getting too close to LA, and didn't want to strike up conversation because they were just to in their own world and I didn't know what would happen if I tried to chat. So I told the kids we were going to play musical statues and took them back to where the other mum was and played a game with them there and that kept them from running back to LA. I genuinely wanted to have a word with LA to say I don't want my kid playing with a stranger who is clearly not sober and could they listen to their music elsewhere. Am I being unreasonable? And what could I have done differently to keep the kids safe and not be a jerk in front of LA?

Encouraging kids to keep playing a game they were enjoying? what a bastard 🙄

Organised music / buskers in designated places are fine.

Playing your own music on speakers is rude and inconsiderate, because if everyone did that there would just be indistinguishable noise and so you’re doing something that prohibits the person next to you doing the same thing, and encroaches on their enjoyment of a space. Not okay in London or anywhere.

He doesn't need to step away from the kids...
He's probably sat on a grass area away from your kids.

He's not the one doing the approaching...

Yeah, we were about three meters away.

And tell them what? My kids are enjoying some music in a park, the person playing the music in the park is enjoying watching them play? Oh, and this person doesn't have as many teeth as I would like?

Obviously I don't know but I don't understand why you'd think he was targeting kids? Lots of people like kids. He is a real person too. Maybe he was just enjoying engaging with your kids because, unlike you and most adults, they treated him like any other person (not 'LA')?

How many parks are there near you? We have a park right next to us which is the only one for miles. City centre so it's small. Homeless people (obviously mainly also with addiction issues) have made a tent city on one side and often congregate there. Where do you want them to go? The street? Walk 5 miles to the next park so they can stay 50 metres away from kids at all times? The rest of the park is full of kids. The homeless people (particularly the women but also the men) will smile and wave if a kid waves at them or similar.

And before anyone says it, I'm not virtue signalling. My DH was homeless before I met him and was an addict (clean now!). Luckily for you and your type he actioavoids kids! But he still has a lot of friends from that person who are still homeless, still addicts. There are a couple I don't like for unrelated reasons but on the whole they are just normal, nice people who've fallen into a bad situation. We have them round ours regularly for a chat and a shower etc.

Similarly most of my friends live in vehicle (I have a traveller background). Some addicts, some not, some like kids, some don't. Shock - some even live with their kids in their trucks!

The thought that just because someone is an addict they must also be an evil child snatcher is frankly ludicrous.

@AndImBrit it really doesn't matter what you think though. I absolutely hate the sight of bare skin and globs of fat but most people present like that at the park. Doubt they care what I think either.

I can understand to an extent how you feel op... generally most adults when random kids interact with them try to appear friendly and interested enough but without massively encouraging the child to keep interacting with them if that makes sense. It's a fine line between being nice and kind and also putting up boundaries. I imagine an addict in a park doesn't put much thought into such things....could be sinister, could be absolutely nothing. I wouldn't be thrilled with the situation and would have removed my dc from it as you did.

Obviously I don't know but I don't understand why you'd think he was targeting kids? Lots of people like kids. He is a real person too. Maybe he was just enjoying engaging with your kids because, unlike you and most adults, they treated him like any other person (not 'LA')?

How many parks are there near you? We have a park right next to us which is the only one for miles. City centre so it's small. Homeless people (obviously mainly also with addiction issues) have made a tent city on one side and often congregate there. Where do you want them to go? The street? Walk 5 miles to the next park so they can stay 50 metres away from kids at all times? The rest of the park is full of kids. The homeless people (particularly the women but also the men) will smile and wave if a kid waves at them or similar.

And before anyone says it, I'm not virtue signalling. My DH was homeless before I met him and was an addict (clean now!). Luckily for you and your type he actively avoids kids! But he still has a lot of friends from that period who are still homeless, still addicts. There are a couple I don't like for unrelated reasons but on the whole they are just normal, nice people who've fallen into a bad situation. We have them round ours regularly for a chat and a shower etc.

Similarly most of my friends live in vehicle (I have a traveller background). Some addicts, some not, some like kids, some don't. Shock - some even live with their kids in their trucks!

The thought that just because someone is an addict they must also be an evil child snatcher is frankly ludicrous.

Obviously I don't know but I don't understand why you'd think he was targeting kids? Lots of people like kids. He is a real person too. Maybe he was just enjoying engaging with your kids because, unlike you and most adults, they treated him like any other person (not 'LA')?

Yep, nail on the head.

The problem here is that your kids think they can just ignore you. You have no right to make people you disapprove of move on when you are in a public place.

Your kid ignored you. That’s the issue. You can’t tell the world to work around your child, you’re the parent you take charge of them.

“Mummy has told you to stop going over and bothering that person, if you don’t listen to me again we will be leaving, do you understand?”

The answer is to stop letting your kids go and annoy strangers in the park.

The issue really is that your children ignored you both. Your job is to deal with that, in this situation the first time you ask and they don’t come back you get up, go over and remove them and say we are playing on the swings/slide/whatever and enforce that or you leave the park.
You cannot control what this other person is doing but you can go and remove your child.

Well the drip feed does but sounds like bollocks because if it were real OP would've been frothing over that in her first post

You initially said - and didn't want to strike up conversation because they were just to in their own world

and now you are saying they might have been targeting the kids

Which is it? If they are in their own world they are not targeting anyone are they?

You also described the kids kept going over to him not the other way round

Yeah, this sounds pretty reasonable.

I think part of the hard bit was LA was within earshot, so it would have been very clear to them that we were leaving because they were there, which would have felt cruel. Also the situation would have been generally awkward with the other mum. Maybe I could have just said: 'I'm not happy about my kid playing with LA, I'm going to take her home.'

Not once has the OP actually said that LA is a man...

This is such a non issue. Young child puts self in less than ideal situation, parent intervenes, literally nothing happens…

Undesirables are encountered in many public spaces. In this case, he wasn't doing anything illegal, but if you'd challenged him then his response could be very unpredictable. There's a homeless guy who sits outside the train station most days - he's perfectly pleasant and wishes everyone a good day. I always say good morning/ evening to him. But I've encountered him on one occasion when he was drunk and argumentative (not with me, but with another commuter) and I didn't feel at all comfortable.

In short, I wouldn't have said anything to him. I'd have taken my children to another part of the park, or told them to listen to me and stay away otherwise we'd be leaving. Or bribed them with another distraction ("how about we go and get that ice cream now!") I'd have focused on changing my children's behaviour/ interaction with him, not challenging him. He was really just sitting there, listening to music and not bothering anyone.

I don't know the sex of LA, this is why. I'm not being coy, genuinely was hard to place so saying 'they' seemed easiest.

Drip feed is so clearly made up. If he was actually IN the kids playground (as opposed to the park) that would have been made clear in the OP.

AndImBrit

Thank you! This was my first thought. "He's playing music loudly WITHOUT headphones!"

😱

Your child is 3! They are ignoring you and potentially endangering themselves, you don’t let them ‘keep ignoring you’. I’d have removed them from the situation if I honestly couldn’t make them listen. It can’t have been a particularly interesting park trip if your kids would rather leave the play area and go stand with a random adult playing music. Stranger danger applies at any age and any random adults that don’t have kids, they’re never too young to start learning they shouldn’t just ignore you and approach random adults.

If the kids had run up to him and he'd told them to fuck off you'd be just as upset. Parent your children, don't allow them to ignore you 🤔🤨