To want to tell the local addict to step away from the kids?

[dilemmaemmaemma]

There was a classic multi substance addict hanging out in the park yesterday. Can of cheap beer in hand, gaunt, toothless, incoherently chatting to themself, I don't know their name, so let's just call them LA. LA had a speaker playing fairly loud music, and my 3 year old and her friend went over and started dancing to the music and running rings around LA. LA seemed to genuinely be enjoying the fact the kids were enjoying the music, so it was kind of harmonious. Me and the other mum kept trying to tell the kids this wasn't the right person to play with, but they kept running over. Eventually I went over with the kids and I really didn't feel comfortable getting too close to LA, and didn't want to strike up conversation because they were just to in their own world and I didn't know what would happen if I tried to chat. So I told the kids we were going to play musical statues and took them back to where the other mum was and played a game with them there and that kept them from running back to LA. I genuinely wanted to have a word with LA to say I don't want my kid playing with a stranger who is clearly not sober and could they listen to their music elsewhere. Am I being unreasonable? And what could I have done differently to keep the kids safe and not be a jerk in front of LA?

Some children's play areas have signs outside saying no dogs, no alcohol etc....depends if there have been issues in the past I suppose. If it becomes a regular issue then you could report your local pcso. Otherwise just go and play in a different park.

No it's not made up. Basically my kid went to play in the playground, while we were there LA showed up and played music by the table tennis table, not too close to the kids, but right in the centre of the playground. Then my kid ran off to play on the field with her friends, then I joined them there, then LA came and sat in the field in amongst the under 5s and carried on playing music. Then the two kids started running rings around LA. They did this a couple of times before I gave them a distraction activity. Eventually we all went home.

I wouldn’t like it either. But both our local and town park are alcohol free zones. So I would report to non emergency number.

Just move your child away and remind them not to bother adults who they don't know.
Why not be grateful that he was being kind and didn't snap at them to go away rather than resenting the fact he exists 🙄

So after reading some replies everything now happened differently…

I would be concerned that this adult is trying to get in contact with young kids - choosing to drink in a playground then encouraging kids to approach them - I'd report to police online.

The situation sounds like it was handled reasonably by everyone involved, but if anyone was behaving unreasonably in the park it was you, for letting your young children bother the stranger in the first place (they didn't seem to mind/humoured them/thought they were sweet, but you didn't know that would be how it would go down).

I think it's perfectly okay for someone to overhear that you don't want your kids to play with adults they don't know. That's a fairly standard safety approach.

They were minding their own bloody business and by the sounds of things, not doing anyone any harm. It's up to you as the parent to keep your child away for people you don't want them near. Have a sticker for entitled and unreasonable parent.

I would’ve taken them home as punishment for not doing as they were told.

That does sound a bit creepy to me and as you say it’s the unpredictability of someone in that state that means you have to be very wary.

You need to be much much more authoritative with your kids in potentially dangerous situations, make it clear that you expect to be obeyed, and take them home after one warning if they don’t do as you say. You should never tolerate being repeatedly ignored, or family life will be pretty miserable as they get older and do whatever they like while you look on helplessly.

Learn how to control your kids

It is a public park and you are being ridiculous.

A person who was off their face playing music in a public space was approached by children, and seemed to enjoy the children dancing to the music. The children's parents were 3 metres away, and yet you want to tell the inebriated one that they should be the one to fuck off out of there if children approach them!?

You're right to be wary of your children interacting with people who are off their face, but FFS! Your children approached them, and you didn't immediately remove them. The solution, which you eventually did, was to remove your children from the area and to leave the person who was existing peacefully in a public space, the fuck alone.

@dilemmaemmaemma - ignore most of the PPs on here. What they are saying on here is not how they would act in real life.

I too would not be happy to have a drug addict in a kids park and behaving in ways which will draw them closer.

Yes he’s human and things have been rough for him but equally he may be where he is because he’s a horrible human and should be nowhere near kids.

It’s not your job to make him feel better or have your children play with him. It’s also unfair that your kids can’t have free rein of a children’s park - because apparently it’s completely normal for a homeless adult drug addict to be in such a place according to most on here!

There’s a homeless man that sits outside a convenience store near me. I’ve noticed he says a cheery hello and tries to engage younger children in conversation as well as their mothers. There’s a bit of an ‘edge’ to the interactions. He also never tries to talk to the men, so you see women hurriedly smiling and awkwardly saying hi to avoid continued engagement or confrontation.

If he’s there today - go to another park. Let PPs and their kids play with him on the swings and share their sweets with him.

Speak for yourself. I damn well would parent my child and go home if they wouldn’t listen and I couldn’t manage them.

Also why have you decided this is an awful male when OP specified she couldn’t tell the sex?

This is a person, a Human Being … not just the “LA” - with all dripping judgement.

I would be uncomfortable - not because this person doesn't deserve compassion and care, but because unpredictability makes me really anxious. So I get that it was a difficult situation.

What I fail to understand is how two 3 year olds can repeatedly ignore their parents with no repercussions. These aren't babies, they are barely toddlers. Just... tell them no if they are doing something you don't like. No need to awkwardness, just say '5 more minutes' and then leave. Go get an ice cream or whatever. No drama.

Well, I would hope so! Not wanting somebody so stop existing (aka die!) is the bare minimum of common courtesy and respect possible towards an absolute stranger…

“LA“ has a right to exist in public spaces. Just like you and your DC. So no, there’s nothing you could have done or said (except redirect your DC, which you already did. Edit: you obviously could have gone to a different park, went home etc as well).

it‘s your job to control your DC‘s behaviour. But you don’t have the right to control the lawful behaviour of other adults.

I'd have left the park if I couldn't control my child

It's your job to manage your child's behaviour and keep them safe. You can't control other people's behaviour.

You pick up your kid and you leave! I cannot believe you stayed and allowed your kid to do that. You even said that you watched her running over to him and you didn’t follow right away because you didn’t want to get too close to him. So you just stood there?! My God.

If you cannot control your child or teach to stay away from someone them then you pick them up and leave. You start teaching them now, from this age, that if they don’t do as they are told then you will leave, no matter how much fun they are having. You were completely inept. Go on a parenting course.

Why are you changing the story? At first the children kept running over and now he/she was encouraging them like some addict pied piper. I think you are trying to give the impression that the drunk person had sinister motives. Whether they did or didn't it's still your job to keep your children safe.

I didn't think anyone thinks it's unreasonable to not want your children around strangers who are intoxicated but you cannot police admittance to shared public spaces. You manage your concern by supervising your children properly or moving playtime somewhere else if you don't think you can maintain their safety where you are.

People without children shouldn't be in fenced play areas imo. During COVID when indoor gyms were shut, our playground was taken over for a few weeks by thwarted gym-goers who brought mats, weights and other gym equipment and used the monkey bars for pull-ups and then shouted at toddlers for tripping over their stuff. Eventually a couple of the dads told them where to go and threatened to call the police on them if they didn't get out, so they left which all us regulars were pleased about.

Although LA doesn't sound obnoxious like that and sounds quite friendly, I agree with you that they shouldn't be in a fenced play area without a child. Those spaces are meant solely for children and those supervising them. If LA was just in the park, which has some play equipment accessible, then that's more doubtful as any member of the public has an equal right to access public space not intended for a particular group.

YABU. It's not as if this person approached the children, they approached him. I'm not an addict, but I actually find it annoying when kids approach me because I feel that there is a very precise level of interaction which is acceptable: if you are too friendly, that might seem weird or overstepping, not friendly enough and you're accused of being a grinch. At the end of the day, there was no harm done, but you shouldn't let your kids just approach people. Especially not if you're then going to get annoyed that those people interact with them.

I can't see how the person being the 'local addict' is relevant (unless they are known for being violent or predatory). You could know someone for years and not know that they have a drug addiction; you never really know who else locally is a drug addict.

You were supervising closely which is really all that matters and you distracted the children after a time. And presumably you teach your child about how to behave around strangers. I would have done the same as you did in this scenario.