To want to tell the local addict to step away from the kids?

[dilemmaemmaemma]

There was a classic multi substance addict hanging out in the park yesterday. Can of cheap beer in hand, gaunt, toothless, incoherently chatting to themself, I don't know their name, so let's just call them LA. LA had a speaker playing fairly loud music, and my 3 year old and her friend went over and started dancing to the music and running rings around LA. LA seemed to genuinely be enjoying the fact the kids were enjoying the music, so it was kind of harmonious. Me and the other mum kept trying to tell the kids this wasn't the right person to play with, but they kept running over. Eventually I went over with the kids and I really didn't feel comfortable getting too close to LA, and didn't want to strike up conversation because they were just to in their own world and I didn't know what would happen if I tried to chat. So I told the kids we were going to play musical statues and took them back to where the other mum was and played a game with them there and that kept them from running back to LA. I genuinely wanted to have a word with LA to say I don't want my kid playing with a stranger who is clearly not sober and could they listen to their music elsewhere. Am I being unreasonable? And what could I have done differently to keep the kids safe and not be a jerk in front of LA?

Exactly! they're only 3, so why couldn't you control your dc? why did you keep just speaking to a 3yr old who doesn't understand why they can't run off or who doesn't have any sense of danger? You should have held your dc's hand to keep them from running off, and if they still didn't listen bid farewell to your friend and march them off home.

Yeah, this is what I'm getting at. It's really hard to know, but it seemed LA might have been targeting the kids. I wouldn't want to get the law involved for a one off ambiguous situation like this, but do you think I should call the police if I see LA trying to engage my kid in play again?

Unless he's doing something wrong he has the right to be there. Look after your own child.

You’re not unreasonable for wanting them to hang around somewhere else and nor are you unreasonable for wanting your kids not to play/interact with them. But you ARE unreasonable for the assumption that the local addict will just comply with your request.

My first thought was to agree with you but then in reality how lonely and ostracised he must be and kids not judging must be lovely and human interaction , I’m on the fence .

Targeting the children? That’s a bit of a leap isn’t it?

Yeah, it did seem like it was genuinely good for LA to have some joyful interaction with kids. If this had been someone I knew and knew to be safe around children I wouldn't have really minded so much, it's that niggling fear that they might be unpredictable in some way, or actively targeting kids that made my guard go up.

If he’s in the play park then I’d also feel that wasn’t appropriate - in New York you can’t go into play parks if you’re not with a a child - if he’s in the park then you can’t really say anything as he’s got just as much right as you and your child have to be there.
I’d be more forthright with my child about going over to someone in that situation.

Thankyou for this post. I think you've hit the nail on the head with all points.

Would you have shrugged your shoulder if they had been repeatedly approaching a large dog that looked pleased to see them? No, you'd have parented them.

’Having a word’ with an inebriated addict would have made no difference whatsoever. He wouldn’t take any notice, or even remember talking to you. You dealt with it in the best way possible.

Quite a huge drip feed/change of story from the OP.

Yeah, maybe. They were playing lively music which children like, and then playing along when the kids went over to dance with them. They were certainly encouraging the kids to keep playing.

Yanbu not to want your kid around this person but you invented the problem by letting your child repeatedly go over. The child is 3, where they go is completely dependent on you. Move the child away and go somewhere else. If they aren't happy with that, you deal with it.

I'd let the local police know and ask them what they advise next time it happens.

well you need to work on controlling your kids better and teaching them to listen to you and do as you say. They are 3- not 13.

You're unreasonable for not saying what you really want to say which is that you think he's some sort of coked up pied piper targeting kids, this has been sort of vaguely hinted at after.

To me it just seems a simple case of parenting your kid. Don't go play with that man, if you do we're going home. Easy as that.

Well no, there’s nothing wrong with an adult provided free age appropriate entertainment to children.

If you don’t want your child to partake in said entertainment, then parent them.

I have some sympathy while he was in the play area, but he’s entitled to use the public field. Although I take MASSIVE issue with anyone playing music in a public place that isn’t played through headphones.

Police will only tell you to do your job as a parent. You can't stop people existing and playing music in parks. And you have no proof of your pied piper conspiracy theory - tons of people play music in parks, a great deal within earshot of kids. Being a druggie isn't proof that someone is a pedo - in fact many pedos lurk behind presentable fronts. Again just do your job as a parent.

You need to parent your 3 year old more firmly.

I had almost this exact situation a while ago. A friend of a friend attended a party I was at with a dog I personally found really intimidating, but no one else at the party seemed fussed. After I saw the dog pull really hard on the chain I kept my daughter away. It was easier back then because she was barely walking. I actually haven't been invited back to that friend's house since, so I wonder if she thought I was too much of a wuss about her mate's dog.

If it’s someone playing their music in a park and enjoying seeing some kids dance to it, then I genuinely don’t see the problem. You are close enough to supervise, you don’t mention any sort of direct contact at all, and maybe that person got some human interaction of a welcome kind. Presumably you would have been able to call your kids away if anything inappropriate had looked likely?

@AndImBrit it's summer, the parks (in london at least) are filled with music

Nah tbh I think it does sound like predatory behaviour.