To think it's not really true when people say you don't need much for a baby?

[NojitoandLime]

Preparing for first baby and everyone keeps telling me I don't need much.

I'm not one to buy things frivolously and I have got a lot of stuff second hand, but I still feel like it's quite a lot to have a comfortable and happy first 6 months or so!

We've spent quite a bit and we haven't gone overboard or gone for fancy brands. I mean... clothes, pram, nappies, wipes, creams, blankets, changing mat/bag, muslins, bottles, steriliser, crib/cot/somewhere to sleep, all the stuff mum needs to be comfy in hospital and after (maternity/nursing clothes, pads etc), car seat.

It's quite a lot and then most people want a couple of little extra luxuries for such an exciting time, like I've just got a bouncer and a couple of toys for when the baby's a bit older, nothing extravagant.

I know you could survive with hardly anything... like you could use a blanket instead of a changing mat... but everyone keeps telling me "you don't need much!" when actually I feel like the standard amount that people get is quite a lot.

People have raised an eyebrow when I've said my flat is overflowing with baby stuff, but it's just stuff I'm going to need and I have quite a small flat.

Maybe I'm just a minimalist and this seems a lot to me when it's actually not!

I really don't think anyone is thinking about prams and cribs if you talk about clutter. They're thinking little bits and bobs, most of which is optional. If you consider a pram and a crib to be clutter, you probably need to work on that - you'll need to adjust your expectations!
I suppose they could say just wait until they need a bed and a bike and a shelf full of shit David Walliams books and a mountain of lego. But that isn't very helpful either is it? It's an extra person, of course they come with more stuff than before.

Ynbu op. You won't know what you will or won't use until you have YOUR baby, each baby, and each mum, is different. It's best to be prepared and you'll work it out as you go along. But don't bother asking other people, as their personal experiences will not necessarily be relevant to yours.

You can take something as simple as a baby thermometer or a wet wipe, and you will get wildly different, impassioned opinions on which type is best, or why you shouldn't be using one at all.

You do need quite a lot indeed. And then you have to carry quite a bit of it with the baby.
Just do not get too many clothes now, because they grow superquick. And you never know which size baby you get to start with. It is better to keep the money and buy as you need. Trust me, newborns grow massively from week to another.
You will be gifted quite a few things too.

It is expensive to have babies! Anyone saying it is not, just a white lie to themselves.

There are multiple people on this thread who have said prams aren't necessary.

A couple have agreed that you only need nappies, a car seat and blankets (i.e. no pram or crib or anything else at all).

There's a lot of bragging on this thread about how little you need - but I actually don't know any parents myself who don't have a pram/pushchair and a crib and a whole bunch of other stuff.

It just winds me up a bit because in my experience most people do end up with a fair pile of stuff and that's normal.

I should be able to make a comment about there being clutter in my flat and that being a change, without being people suggesting that I must have gone overboard because I've got a pram.

I didn't get much at all. A sling, a set of cloth nappies and some vests and babygros. Didn't need a cot, pram, car seat, all the other paraphernalia.

Get as much stuff as you like. Nobody else really cares how much or little you have. But if you keep complaining about it, people will keep offering advice. Perhaps change the way you speak of it? Instead of saying there's lot of clutter say "it's lovely seeing the flat filling up with baby things". Change your attitude and people will respond differently.

i guess you don’t really need it in one place, have you got it in a pile or out of its packaging and put it away? Eg the bottles and steriliser in the kitchen cupboards, the changing mat in the bathroom with the nappies and wipes in the bathroom cabinet, vests/sleepsuits/mussies in a drawer in the bedroom, cot set up in the bedroom etc. if it’s all in one place, still in packaging, it can look like a lot of stuff.

With my 4th I thought i knew exactly what id need but I ended up buying far too many 0-3 months clothes and he ended up just living in sleepsuits of which I circulated about 5
I never use the changing mat I lie him on a towel
The baby nail cutters are pointless as I used normal small ones

I think it very much depends on your parenting style too.
When I was pregnant with my first baby, I bought aaaaalll the stuff that everyone told me I’d need. A lot of it sat unused and I ended up selling it on, still sealed in original boxes because I simply didn’t feel like I needed them.
With my second and third babies, I literally bought the bare minimum - nappies, wipes, car seat, clothes, breast pads, muslin cloths and a sling. That was pretty much all I needed until they were older. But I’ve also got plenty of friends who absolutely needed the things I never used because those things made life easier for them 🤷🏻‍♀️
I guess my point is you don’t really know what you’re going to find helpful until baby is here! So my advice would be to buy the essentials beforehand and then pick up the extras if and when you need them.

How many people are really touring your flat to know what you have?

I can’t say anyone would have seen our bedroom ( which Ds shared under 18 months). Maybe the midwife?

I don’t think anyone cares either. I mean nobody would know if you have 5 sleepsuits or 100. They are in a drawer or basket hidden surely

There are multiple people on this thread who have said prams aren't necessary.

Some babies hate them and some manage to use wraps/slings instead.

I wonder if they mean prams - as in old style ones rather than more modern ones that change into pushchairs later on or are travel systems - I had one like that lasted all three.

I ended up with load of pushchairs - and with clip on side car and buggy board and slings and many pushchairs/strollers/travel systems

Best bet is sadly as other posters say is not to invite comments - honestly people all feel need to tell you how you are parenting wrong - it's irritating but this is sadly just the start.

I was going to say the same thing about prams. I didnt have a "pram" for my 1st. I had a travel system which had a seat that laid completely flat.

Then for DS2 I had a SilverCross pram with an stall bassinet which converted into a seat. It could also be used as a moses basket which was great.

A lot of stuff is needed, but most of it can be obtained second hand at a low price. That's the joy of Facebook marketplace.

I have found that I get given so many clothes, there is no need to buy those. Same with toys.

My youngest is a girl, and wore her older brothers pyjamas when she grew into them. My DM said she would be confused about whether she was a boy or a girl because they were blue stripes/had trains/space rockets on.

I can assure you all now DD is not at all confused about the fact that she is a girl although she did go through a phase of wanting a penis like her brothers

OP, buy as much as you want to- if you live in a small flat it will seem like a lot. Sometimes when you leave the house with a new born it can seem like you need a donkey to carry it all. What people might mean is babies don’t have to cost a lot. Because they don’t care if their clothes are second hand primark or designer, or if they their days ate spent at home or in a five star hotel, as long as they’re with people they have a bond with. Unlike teenagers, who seem to need money spent on them constantly, and are fussy about brands. Babies don’t care about nice bags. Use a bag for life, for all they care.

You do need stuff just not as much as is marketed to you.

I bought sleep suits and nappies, wipes, cotton wool and cream, ex bought a baby bath and thermometer. I was given a few little outfits, with a hat and cardigan.

I bf so we only had one bottle that we were given at the maternity unit.

My only major expenses were a buggy/carrier/isofix car seat system, and a Mothercare sling.

We borrowed a cot for which I bought a new mattress, and eventually a high chair. My friends made me a blanket which was lovely. I made some sheets and a cot bumper. I didn't need a changing mat or bag, a towel and my rucksack were fine.

I think we spent about £400 in 2008.

It's definitely a perspective point of view and vastly chanhes depending on circumstances

When I had my first I'd just turned 20 and we were living the bare minimum so dd had the basics and that was pretty much it. No fancy toys, mainly car boot or sensory things I made. We still had quite a bit of "stuff" but it was mainly gifts from people, some of which went unused.

By the time we had our second dd, we were better off and looking back I think we subconscious bought more of the hype stuff because we're influenced and had the means to do so.

Some things you really need and some things you don’t. It’s figuring out which that’s tricky. Everyone ends up with at least one thing they regret buying.

I never understood changing tables. It’s such a short period of time that you’re changing them lying down so buying furniture for that seems absolutely bonkers to me. I just changed my son on the bed or the floor. No changing mats or any kind. But some people feel they need them. I loved our next-to-me but other people say their baby never slept a single night in one.

Yup. Our tiny flat was full with just the boxes for the pram and moses basket. We even deliberately bought a tiny pram. It was better when they were unpacked and the pram was in the hall. Most things can be ordered with next day delivery though! A lot of things I thought I wanted we've found that we don't actually need. I thought I needed a rucksack for with the sling, but actually my old marathon backpack is better because it has pockets on the straps. My old yoga mat is good for a play mat. Teatowels work just as well as muslins. He's allergic to baby shampoo and baby lotion, but vaseline is OK. We just use the kitchen bin instead of having a nappy bin and empty it every day. I'm still trying to work out what to do when he outgrows his moses basket though!

You will get lots of comments on everything once you have the baby Op. Don’t stress about other peoples opinions on baby paraphernalia, enjoy your pregnancy and best wishes.

I know people hate it on Mumsnet but…that’s the reason for a baby shower!

I was the same with my first - had a spare room that was just a box room but it was filled with stuff! I still have the picture 🤣 Completely normal! Babies do need a lotta stuff (whether it's new or second hand is irrelevant).

Pregnant with second... Yip, house is slowly filling back up with stuff stored in the loft! Mostly second hand from my first but still loads!

YANBU, I think some people like to stealth brag about how minimalist they are, or have just forgotten what it's like having your first baby.

Honestly, if you don't want your life to be a PITA (rather than just surviving) then there is a fair outlay of stuff at the beginning and it can feel really cluttered in a small space. Unfortunately you don't really know what is going to be useful for you and your particular baby until after it's born!

I've just asked ChatGPT for a list of essential purchases for a first baby, and it's given me a list of around 50 items, <10 of which are decribed as optional. I'd agree with almost all of them, at least from my own experience. They're not all big things, but they soon mount up in terms of cost/space, even if you get them second hand.

You might also find you end up buying new clothes for yourself as it might be a while until you can wear all of your pre-pregnancy stuff again (I wish I'd been more savvy with this, and just chosen more maternity wear that was also breastfeeding-friendly, i.e. not high-necked smock dresses with no front fastening!)

Just use your common sense, and if there's anything you're not sure about you can hold off until after baby's here, if it would be easy enough to buy online or in the supermarket (and won't be too much of a faff to assemble at short notice when you're looking after a newborn baby at the same time).

The clutter will evolve, but won't really go away for quite a long time sadly - but you will get more used to it.

FWIW, my purchases that were a bit wasted:

*Stretchy sling wrap - didn't use at all, couldn't be bothered with the faff
*Ewan the sheep - quickly learned the power of white noise and bought a small machine from Amazon for around £25 instead, chargeable and lasts all night
*Breast milk storage bags/bottles - sadly didn't end up able to pump enough milk to be worth storing
*Snuzpod - probably could have just gone straight to the cot, which is just a travel one with a bassinet mode. Didn't need the sides of the Snuzpod lowered often enough to be essential

And my purchases that other people often deem unnecesary, but I wouldn't have been without:

*Plenty of 0-3 month size babygros/vests etc - we don't have a tumble dryer, and baby was born early Autumn so weather was not cold enough for central heating but not often good enough to dry clothes outside. I hadn't realised how many changes of clothes you can get through in a day with a newborn, and you don't want to be doing loads of laundry if you don't have to. So I would overstock on these (cheap and cheerful is fine), even though they grow out of them quickly.
*Nappy bin
*Foldable changing table - much kinder on your back than doing it on the bed/floor, which could be 10+ times per day in the beginning
*Bath seat
*Moses basket - kept downstairs for daytime naps, or in the early hours of the night when he took longer to settle to avoid disturbing DH - I'd then just sleep on the sofa next to him.

But your journey will be your own. Good luck!

Oh and get ready for the "nesting" comments!! Dear god, that drove me bananas! Yes, I'm organising and rearranging my home to make space for another human to come live with us... Completely reasonable thing to do but no, if you're pregnant, your maternal side must be kicking in and suddenly you're nesting?! Piss off, nobody ever says this to men!