To think it's not really true when people say you don't need much for a baby?

[NojitoandLime]

Preparing for first baby and everyone keeps telling me I don't need much.

I'm not one to buy things frivolously and I have got a lot of stuff second hand, but I still feel like it's quite a lot to have a comfortable and happy first 6 months or so!

We've spent quite a bit and we haven't gone overboard or gone for fancy brands. I mean... clothes, pram, nappies, wipes, creams, blankets, changing mat/bag, muslins, bottles, steriliser, crib/cot/somewhere to sleep, all the stuff mum needs to be comfy in hospital and after (maternity/nursing clothes, pads etc), car seat.

It's quite a lot and then most people want a couple of little extra luxuries for such an exciting time, like I've just got a bouncer and a couple of toys for when the baby's a bit older, nothing extravagant.

I know you could survive with hardly anything... like you could use a blanket instead of a changing mat... but everyone keeps telling me "you don't need much!" when actually I feel like the standard amount that people get is quite a lot.

People have raised an eyebrow when I've said my flat is overflowing with baby stuff, but it's just stuff I'm going to need and I have quite a small flat.

Maybe I'm just a minimalist and this seems a lot to me when it's actually not!

I have 4 children of the same sex so have reused loads over the years. Absolutely loads. Especially clothing. Pyjamas. It's been truly brilliant.

I wouldn't spend £1000's on a pram. Most people I know wouldn't. We've got a second hand one that was given to us by a friend and has already been used for 3 babies.

But if I did want to spend £1000's on a pram, it shouldn't really be an issue either, if I can afford it? Most parents do use a pram/pushchair of some description, and I personally know that I am gonna need one. I have a bad back and there's just no way I'm going to be carrying the baby everywhere.

Why do I have to justify the fact that I am getting a pram for my baby, second hand or not? 😅 Is that bonkers or is it just me??

There are some things that are pretty much universally agreed to be very useful things to have and I just don't get why in a 21st century western country so many people seem to be obsessed with giving new parents this advice that they should buy NOTHING for a new baby.

It just feels like a humble brag or something and it's irritating advice when the truth is, for the vast majority of people, there's a lot of extra stuff that you will get with a baby.

I would hate for my baby to be born and to have only blankets and nappies. The advice seems to be that myself/DH should run out in the first few days and buy a load of stuff that we could have easily predicted in advance we would want/ need, rather than having relaxed time to spend with the baby.

To reassure you, I imagine.

It's normal to worry and panic that you haven't got everything you need when you are pregnant with your first baby, and no-one needs extra worry when they are about to give birth. People want to alleviate this unnecessary worry.

And no, not many people only get the things I listed, but they are still the only things you truly NEED. The other things are helpful, might make life more pleasant and convenient, but they are not essential. So what people mean is that as long as you have the absolute basics by the time baby comes, which 99.99% of people do, then you're going to be absolutely fine. And I promise you will be.

Everything else you can work out once baby is here. Shops are still open, baby won't die without a babygrow or a dummy or a moses basket.

And also, lots of lots of people truly regret being suckered into the (toally understandable) excitement of a first baby and buying absolutely everything that is marketed at them.

People tend to buy a hell of a lot less for second babies. That's the other reason they are telling you you don't need stuff. They know they didn't use half of theirs, and they don't want you to suffer the same fate of wasting money and being unable to move for useless baby stuff!

And it's hard to sell on, because everyone is selling baby stuff due to how little time babies spend using it!

You don't have to justify asking but your the one who started the thread people are just giving you their opnion🤷

I was surprised by how expensive it was to get everything for our first baby. The good news is, if you look after it and store it properly then it should last you through your other babies too if you choose to have them.

We’ve just had our second baby and the only things we needed were nappies and a second white noise machine. Eventually we’ll need a second monitor too.

No-one is saying you should only have nappies and blankets. They are saying you only need nappies and blankets! they are trying to help you!

Buy what you want - no-one actually stops you!

I never bought a bottle, breast fed. Rest I bought second hand and yes it did take a lot of space.

I never bought any bottles either, or any sterilising type stuff. MIL tried to persuade me "in case breastfeeding fails" but I refused. I didn't want it in the house. I knew breastfeeding might be hard at first and I didn't want the temptation readily available.

SIL also insisted I needed a pram and a stupid book by that god awful Gina Ford woman. I found both her old pram and the book left in my house while I was at work one day. Both went straight up in the loft and were left there when we moved 3 years later.

I had the opposite problem to OP - people were always trying to make me buy crap I didn't want! 😂

I think it's just what people say - and it's hard to know what is needed for each parent/child.

Things I did feel were a waste - reusable nappies and first sling - sold to us by a family friend with three kids - who IL insited was fount of all knowledge.

Things which were partial useful but could have done without - borjn carrier, buggy board and front and back pushchair. They were all recommodations from other parents and second hand - bar pushchair - I'd been talked out of an expensive system that could do older/young children from family who despite everything we said expected us to have one child. I bought a side by side second hand for about £5 - but DH insisted it wouldn't go down passageway on house we were moving to - so got front and back one new - it did though. Travel cot - that got used more as a play pen with third - but with no car not really travel one for us.

I ended up over 3 kids with 5 type of pushchair - some second hand front and back which was used a lot is only one I could have done without. We don't drive and they were good at different things and ages. Also found a sling I and babies loved but many seemed to hate.

I wished I'd got a bf pump - so didn't have to go out and get one in rush post birth - and a bouncing chair - which all three used.

I also wish we hadn't been talked out of baby swing - think it would have helped massively with two of them.

Clothes we got given were dressy up - fussy or made of syntehic materials - so was glad we bought basics.

These day with on-line and delivery it's easier to get things that you do find you need.

I suspect they just keep saying it because you are complaining about how much space it takes up in your flat. It is annoying though how much space baby stuff takes up - we're fortunate to have room for it but we're also hugely relieved to be done having babies and able to declutter as soon as something gets outgrown now. I recently gave away a cot, a playpen, all the sterilising equipment, breast pumps, etc., and am looking forward to toilet training DC2 and getting rid of all the nappies, changing table etc.

On another note, I agree with PPs saying you won't know what you want/need till you've got the baby. We actually bought more stuff for DC2 because we knew exactly what would work for us at that point.

Really not though. You see these as essential because of where and when you live. A mother at a different point in history or in a different country would not agree.

A sling, some cloth nappies, a few babygrows and breasts are probably essential. Everything else is just a cultural norm.

100%

Well you don’t need too much at once, especially in small space. Ie if you live in small flat, I wouldn’t buy a cot if you have a Moses basket until they are about to outgrown basket. That way you only every have one ‘bed’ in use and not storing two

We never bought a steriliser. Our kitchen is tiny so I didn’t want to waste space. I mainly breastfed, but we did buy two small bottles incase. I just put the bottles or tethers etc in a pan of boiling water to sterilise. It’s actually quicker as most sterilisers take ages and water in pan is 5 mins.

I just used a toiletry bag as changing bag. Then moved that into rucksack, canvas bag or under pram depending on what we were doing. Changing bag wouldn’t have worked with sling.

baby bouncer, buy one that folds flat. Then it’s out the way behind door or under sofa when not in use.

have a good clear out. All our baby nappies ( reusable so a drawer worth), clothing, toys to grow into, toiletries fitted in drawers or baskets we already had as I cleared out old cookery books, office stuff, old clothes. So the space was just repurposed

Once you have baby I recommend two areas of to have to out outgrown stuff asap. I had basket for outgrown but keep and bag for charity. As soon as charity bag full of outgrown donate to friend or charity

I've never used or owned a steriliser but they look annoying. I just kept a few milton tablets under the sink.

That's not actually true about sterilizers, taking ages,both my boys were bottle fed and I had a microwave ,steam steriizer, two minutes in a microwave ,my oldest is 19 this year so they have been around for a while

In comparison to all the shit you'll be buying when they're a toddler, those initial purchases are comparably very light 😅😅😅

I mean- in a flat a pram can be tricky to store and to use. Where does baby go while you move the pram up/down stairs? If you’re buying nappies already too- you’d only need a pack? Same for wipes. A mat can go under a sofa, blankets don’t exactly take up much room. Baby in with you for the start so a basket or bed of some sort is fair. Breast feed so you don’t need bottles or steriliser? Your clothes are not going to add any stuff to your at as you had clothes before pregnancy and pads for periods? Car seat- fair, but you could get one that stays in the car to cut down on clutter as it’s not good to leave babies in them anyway (despite most people doing so far too much!)

So sorry but I think YABU.

I would also say that a changing table is essential. My back was terrible after birth for many months. Changing him on the bed was excruciating. Truly excruciating, it's a terrible angle, you're better off doing it on the floor.

The amount of hand me downs and free stuff and gifts you get means imo you really don't need to buy much. Also what you do you can get second hand.

Re clothes, no way did I fit in my pre-pregnancy clothes after birth until about 12 months after that. So yes, I did also buy new clothes so I can feel nice.

No one is asking you to justify anything. It’s just there is a difference between absolute ‘need’ and ‘useful and makes life easier’.
I never had a steriliser with my first, just a pan and Milton. I didn’t have a Moses basket, just cot that became a bed. I didn’t use wipes, I used water and cotton wool.
I didn’t have a changing mat or table, I did it on my lap mostly. Or on a blanket on the floor.
I used Terry square nappies.
so many of the things you don’t *have to have!

This i do agree with. We bought a lot second hand. Not just to save, but you use stuff for such a short while, it's sort of sad to buy all new.

I think the people telling you that you don't need much are probably just trying to help out with hindsight (after having bought far too much themselves). Try to not let it bother you and take it in the spirit that it was intended.

They best advice I can give is not to listen to any of the advice you are given and to do what is right for your family.

I always think this too, because it's one of the items people are most dismissive about. But I also have a theory that it's much easier to change an older, resistant baby on a changing table because you can kind of pin them in place a bit more and they can't crawl/roll/run away. I would also much rather take the baby to a specific location to change (near the bin and sink, with all the right stuff close to hand) than do it in the middle of the living room and then have to go and throw away the poo and wash my hands somewhere else.

My changing table has been passed around my workplace so many times that the original baby who had it is now about 14.