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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

461 replies

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:00

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

OP posts:
EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 24/06/2025 11:07

I have personal experience of shit like this and P is completely toxic.

spindrift2025 · 24/06/2025 11:08

Please look at the wider picture. There is always something going on in other people's lives over which they have little or no control. Tell P to look at the wider picture to have a more 360 mature view.

CreationNat1on · 24/06/2025 11:08

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AmyDudley · 24/06/2025 11:08

You want to be friends with someone who thinks the safety of a baby should be compromised for her birthday.? I would tell her how utterly selfish and self absorbed she is being, and then I'd probably dump her because I wouldn't want someone that unpleasant in my life.

And what the hell is a crunchy mum ? Is it code for arsehole ?

irregularegular · 24/06/2025 11:09

You're right. P is being absolutely ridiculous. I'm sure W has a lot more things to worry about in setting her induction date than P's birthday!

GFBurger · 24/06/2025 11:12

P is a twat. Tell her and also tell her not to bother contacting W or you again. Turns out she isn’t a real friend after all. Thank goodness you found out now.

My daughter’s due date was on the day between two close friends’ birthdays. They were both very excited to potentially share the birthday.

spindrift2025 · 24/06/2025 11:12

AmyDudley · 24/06/2025 11:08

You want to be friends with someone who thinks the safety of a baby should be compromised for her birthday.? I would tell her how utterly selfish and self absorbed she is being, and then I'd probably dump her because I wouldn't want someone that unpleasant in my life.

And what the hell is a crunchy mum ? Is it code for arsehole ?

Excellent perspective.

TwinklySquid · 24/06/2025 11:13

Do adults actually behave this way? P sounds a nightmare.

Hellohelga · 24/06/2025 11:15

You don’t get to choose when you are induced or even if you are induced. It’s based on best interests of mum and baby. Hope it goes well for your friend. They’ll the other one to grow up.

Manxexile · 24/06/2025 11:18

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 24/06/2025 09:05

Grow up, all of you.

This ^

IsawwhatIsaw · 24/06/2025 11:19

None of this sounds very adult. A friend would be concerned for the safety and wellbeing of another friend, not her own entertainment

Bubblebubblepoppop · 24/06/2025 11:19

I love the friendship problem threads on here. Makes me realise how many batshit people there are in the world!

Literally if this happened in my group there'd be a comment of 'oh cool we might have the same birthdays!' and then move on.

Also, an induction date doesn't necessarily mean that will be the birth date.

Lilactimes · 24/06/2025 11:20

Tornad · 24/06/2025 10:34

Find it then. Otherwise take your troll hunting bollocks elsewhere.

It seems to me like your friendship group is a little bit stuck in high school and isn’t maturing with the highs and lows and important events of life 😅
These events become even more intense as you get older - awful health scares and grief to navigate. Friendship groups that survive bend and flex a bit.
Maybe the other 3 - let’s call them X, Y and Z are already forging a more mature splinter group 😂

HideousKinky · 24/06/2025 11:24

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous

Stay with that thought

paradisecircus · 24/06/2025 11:25

If the induction isn't on P's birthday it'll probably be the next day, which could still overshadow the special occasion.

SnipThoseApronStrings · 24/06/2025 11:25

P is being unreasonable

It doesn’t matter why W is being induced early. Sharing a birthday with your friend’s child should not be upsetting.

When she says “it’s the last straw” it makes me think even P is otherwise thinking friendship has become incompatible.

laurini · 24/06/2025 11:25

P is an idiot

MarioLink · 24/06/2025 11:25

I would support W here and tell P she is being horrible to a friend at a vulnerable time and that she is risking falling out with all of you over her selfish nastiness.

MILsAreHumanToo · 24/06/2025 11:27

For any grown-up emotionally-mature adult to even think this is an issue, I would advise them to take a good look at themselves and to give their head a wobble. In this scenario, the only thing that matters is the safe delivery of a brand new human being, regardless of the date. Nobody's birthday is unique or special - several thousand and more will be 'using' the same date.

Hankunamatata · 24/06/2025 11:27

If your all such close friends then isn't it a bit strange that dhe hasn't mentioned why she is being induced?

Eldermileniummam · 24/06/2025 11:27

P is in the wrong.

I expect W couldn't have picked any date and even if it were between a couple of dates it would have been the same week and P may still have been annoyed celebrations would be on the same weekend.

ISpyNoPlumPie · 24/06/2025 11:28

Every version of P is awful.

PreetyinPurple · 24/06/2025 11:28

I was induced one day and DD didn’t come until the next day, it can take a while!
but bat shit behaviour.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 24/06/2025 11:28

P is unhinged

MojitosAllRound · 24/06/2025 11:29

Sounds like you have all grown apart and the dynamic no longer works. Doesn't matter who is right or wrong, you are no longer in the playground.

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