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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

461 replies

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:00

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

OP posts:
inamarina · 24/06/2025 11:30

P is absolutely ridiculous.

comeandhaveteawithme · 24/06/2025 11:31

P is an absolute dickhead.

What a weird way for an adult to behave.

BankHolidayMonday · 24/06/2025 11:32

It's not even anything to do with the induction.

Expecting that your birthday must be the priority in a random friend's life is not normal. Already childish if it was your own partner, but some friend? Absolute fruitcake.

And unlike most posters, I am VERY big on birthdays, especially mine, and I don't believe in "special birthdays". Every birthday is special 😂

AlexisP90 · 24/06/2025 11:33

lnks · 24/06/2025 09:02

P is extremely unreasonable. W can’t choose exactly which day to be induced.

Edited to add,’I think you are also being unreasonable to even be considering that P is being unfair

Edited

This.
I was induced early. You don't get a fucking calendar out and get to select when. Oh sorry can't do that day. It's Ps birthday...

It's also pretty stressful/scary/worrying. W doesn't need this shit right now.

Utterly ridiculous. Absolutely wild. P is a CF.

Jellybott · 24/06/2025 11:33

You know, you don't have to be friends with either of these people.

Itallcomesdowntothis · 24/06/2025 11:34

YellowGrey · 24/06/2025 09:02

P is massively in the wrong! You don't get offered a choice of induction dates.

Totally. Anyone who has had any interaction with the NHS eill clearly know you don’t just go onto a website and select the appointment that’s convenient for you.

Plus being induced can still sometimes take hours so may not be the exact day (but yeah she can’t go to a party 😂)

Fernticket · 24/06/2025 11:36

You all need to grow up!

Ovenfood666 · 24/06/2025 11:41

This is absolutely insane.

LoyalMember · 24/06/2025 11:42

I would unfriend and cut P out of my life. What a loathsome, entitled, unfeeling witch. I'm struggling to even try to fathom out how an adult, and a mother herself, could even imagine somebody is doing this to spite her.

Daisydaresyoutoo · 24/06/2025 11:42

P sounds ridiculous and needs to grow up.
I feel sorry for W in this situation, she cannot choose the date

Tornad · 24/06/2025 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What is wrong with you? Instead of aggressively losing your shit, take five seconds to explain what you think I’ve done remotely wrong

OP posts:
AzurePanda · 24/06/2025 11:46

Love the idea that the NHS, in its current state, should rearrange its midwifery schedule around some random person’s birthday. Honestly the degree of self centredness on display is beyond parody. No wonder this country is doomed

Maddy70 · 24/06/2025 11:47

P is ridiculous. Plus you don't get a choice of hospital dates they choose for you. But that aside she's incredibly entitled

Tornad · 24/06/2025 11:51

Fernticket · 24/06/2025 11:36

You all need to grow up!

Imagine thinking a woman needs to “grow up” for… having a baby… being induced… existing? I don’t get your viewpoint at all

OP posts:
Suednymph · 24/06/2025 11:51

Definitely the hospital are to blame. The shame of them choosing to induce a woman who is pregnant early JUST to irritate another person who is ridiculously superficial and childish about a birthday. Dear lord what is the world coming to.

P is pathetic.

Daniki · 24/06/2025 11:54

P sounds like a prick 😂

ANiceCuppaTeaandBiscuit · 24/06/2025 11:55

Also just to point out, the day she goes in for the induction is VERY unlikely to be the day she has the baby. Maybe if the hospital is terribly well organised, she gets seen early, she’s already dilated enough to skip the induction and have her waters broken and be put on the drip. Most likely she will go in that morning, wait around half the day, be induced, have her waters broken the next day and have the baby then. I would say likely to not be an issue at all.

ImAMinion · 24/06/2025 11:57

One of my friends went into labour on our other friend’s DS birthday and gave birth that day.

No one was angry. If anything these two children now get the biggest show stopper of a birthday between them in our group.

On the flip side, my cousin was scheduled for a C section on my brother’s birthday. Brother didn’t care. Cousin didn’t care. Cousin’s mum went mad that it wouldn’t be “her grandbabies special day” if it was shared.
I highly doubt my at the time 30 year old brother was planning joint birthday parties with the baby anyway. Cousin ended up in labour two days early so all turned out well.

The friend having a strop is VU and ridiculous.

Toscanini · 24/06/2025 11:58

My ex’s nephew was born on his 21st.

i think this was a power play and EXTREMELY RUDE of his bro and sis in law

My ex’s birthday is now forever overshadowed by the birthday of his more youthful looking nephew

maddening · 24/06/2025 11:58

P is a dick and can't be arsed being there for others, is not reliable and gives minimal effort towards her friendships, now expects w to arrange her induction around her bday ffs.

TwistedWonder · 24/06/2025 11:58

This can’t be real because surely no one can be as ridiculous as P in real life

Thaawtsom · 24/06/2025 11:59

Am so often gobsmacked by the friendship drama threads on MN. There are absolutely no dramas in my friendships -- we have enough dramas with our kids, our partners, our parents and sibs ... am wondering if it's a generational thing (I'm in my 50s) or a life stage thing or what.

The "grow up" comments are coming from the place of WTAF be supportive of each other for goodness sake and get some perspective. Birthdays are not that important. Looking out for the best outcome for each other in your own lives is what is important.

Kipperandarthur · 24/06/2025 12:03

I'm finding it extremely hard to understand why you are even giving this any headspace.

I would also be rethinking my friendship with "P" as I don't think I could like or respect her as a friend for being so utterly deluded and self centred.

Just because you have always been friends doesn't actually mean that the friendship group needs to continue as it was.

Itsjustmonkeyssingingsongsmate · 24/06/2025 12:03

I think the last time I truly gave a shit that it was my birthday was when I was about 9 ..... you all need to get a grip

DaisyChain505 · 24/06/2025 12:06

P is an absolute idiot.

I can’t imagine it even crossing my mind that it was a negative thing that someone was having a baby on my birthday.