Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

[Tornad]

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

I imagine W may well not out as much in for anyone now

Ooh feisty one you are 😄

I am perpetually confused by friendships and it sounds like this thread (only read OP's posts) sums up exactly why....the same situation is viewed entirely differently by the people responding and there's no common theme.

I'd post in Relationships, rather than here.

I'm shocked at the people having a go at the OP here she asked if she was BU as she doubted herself and everyone tells her to grow up, why bother commenting at all if you can't give some good advice 🙄

@Tornad P is being very very unreasonable, selfish and actually quite nasty causing a drama like this! Babies come when they come they don't give you a warning and if W is being induced it is likely for medical reasons and beyond her control. Poor W is probably stressing and worrying about it meanwhile P is making it all about herself and starting a drama ergo P is a selfish madam and needs to grow the fuck up!

I come from a large family and its common for us to share birthdays. Me and my cousin share a birthday, my aunt and another cousin share a birthday and my cousin and his nephew also share a birthday. Not one of us has ever got mad or upset over it sometimes we've done joint celebrations sometimes we do our own thing. If anyone in my family behaved like P they'd be told bluntly to get the fuck over themselves because we can't control when a baby is born its a fact of life!

Personally OP I'd really rethink my friendship with P she sounds like a supercilious self absorbed cow, dishing out and disapproving of her friends parenting their children and then causing a drama because a friend's child will have their birthday on the same day as hers sod that drama! I bet P will get competitive with birthday plans now and try to make sure everyone attends hers but not W's baby.

As for the friend ignoring you leave her be if she wants to be equally dramatic and pathetic as P these kinds of people just aren't worth your time if they can be this petty 🙄

You seem to get ruder OP in your responses to people.
All the drama over something so ludicrous and you can’t just judge for yourself without validation from this forum.

Most people would just stay out of this childish drama and decide that P is not worth having as a friend. You said in your opening post how she’s full of drama and you wouldn’t pursue a friendship with her now if you met her.

But you’re now behaving in quite a childish manner yourself with your responses to people who you have invited to comment on the thread that you put out there.

OP your responses and defensiveness is very telling - you are sounding more childish the more you post. Everyone has said P is ridiculous, you say P is ridiculous, you may as well leave the thread, join your friends and either all grow the fuck up or continue your immature journey in life together 🤷‍♀️

If I was W, I'd tell P: 'Off you pop then!'

If P is saying W's induction is the 'final straw', sounds like the friendship's on its last legs any way...

Couldn't be dealing with that level of drama. Sorry.

This seems pretty black and white to me. Of course P is the unreasonable one.

Totally agree.
It’s quite astonishing to read that people behave like this.

As I’ve asked to several people making this comment (and not one has been able to answer). What has anyone other than P done to deserve this level of nasty, accusatory rudeness? If you were W, would you genuinely think you’d behaved immaturely here?!

You seem to be revelling now in the drama of it all. People think P is being ridiculous. That’s what everyone has said. Isn’t that the end of it ?

You asked for people’s thoughts. But now you are just being rude yourself.

I actually think you should all grow up frankly.

Your quote here is from a drip several dozen posts in, not the OP on which we are voting. Your OP does not specify what you want us to say is U or NU.

P is unhinged for thinking W did it on purpose. And crying about it. Absolute lunacy.

You did right to tell her what you thought. If P is now ignoring you I’d leave her to it.

I’d be more concerned about your other friend who is ignoring you, especially if you’re supposed to be going to a festival together this weekend. Hope she gets in touch soon.

And?

What in the OP do you disagree with then?

What in the OP do you want me to vote on?

No, @JaneEyre40 actually wrote "If W actually did this....she's a psycho" and the "this" she seems to be referring to is in your first post where P is accusing W of being induced on that specific day deliberately to "usurp her birthday" (as if W has a choice about the date she will be induced, but @JaneEyre40 may not realise this).
You need to slow down OP, read people's responses more carefully and reply more appropriately, without stripping out the context of what people have posted.
I haven't voted because it's not clear to me what your vote is for, but just to add to the chorus of pps: W is doing nothing wrong and P is being self-centred and melodramatic. You would be doing P a favour if you could talk some sense into her - I do hope W isn't aware of her accusation, which is extraordinary and rather unkind at a time when W seems to need additional support from her friends.

As should you.

I haven’t been remotely rude to anyone who wasn’t rude to me. I don’t know why you (or they) think they can be rude and expect that no one says anything back. Part of “growing up” is realising you don’t get to treat people like scum without someone saying something back.

Don’t be rude if you don’t like being spoken to rudely. It’s not hard. I managed it with every single person who wasn’t rude to me first. I don’t know why you’ve struggled

But what do you actually want from this thread now OP? You’ve had your answer. P is ridiculous. I’m genuinely confused as to why you’re still arguing and banging on?

I can't understand it either!

Not sure if anyone has said this already but this level of batshit in a thread is almost guaranteed to be picked up by the daily fail so OP you might want to bear this in mind.

OP, what you’ve described is a ridiculous, childish situation. You can’t see this, otherwise why would you be posting here about it?

Now people are giving you their opinions about the situation and the people involved and you’re kicking off about it!

Firstly, I’m not “banging on”. I’m replying to people who have commented. That’s how these things tend to work.

Secondly, I would like one person (just one) to say what I did wrong and what W did wrong (without inventing lies). Plenty have said we’re awful people. Plenty have been rude and nasty. Plenty have made up lies and their own version of events. Not one single person has actually said what we’ve done wrong.

The irony being that if P cuts W off entirely for these reasons, W certainly won’t be putting ANY energy into P’s future birthdays! 🤦‍♀️ P sounds like unnecessarily hard work, while W probably needs all the extra support she can get from her friends if she’s facing an early induction for reasons she hasn’t felt able to share with the group…