Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

[Tornad]

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

I was going to say they all sound about 12 years old.

P sounds like a massive pain in the arse and possibly mentally unwell. If all of you are now having children, it’s time to start behaving and thinking more like grown ups. Kids birthdays are a big deal, grown ups birthdays aren’t. P and the whole group need to get a sense of perspective and calm down.

now, the adult approach is phone other friend and say are you ignoring me? Seriously? Because w is getting induced on Ps birthday? What I should have said to P is build a bridge and get yourself the fuck over it, imagine having a go at a pregnant woman for being induced early. There’s a reason for it- imagine how you’d feel if something happened to the baby because she didn’t get induced that day. So if you want to ignore me go right ahead. Let me know if you change your mind.

and to p - we have heard about nothing but your baby and how you judge our parenting for months now and you dare explode at me for supporting our friend for getting induced early?? You dare be upset at her?? For prioritising her baby? Your prioritise your baby 24/7 and would freak out if she ate some shop bought muesli but W can’t focus on hers when baby needs to be born early? The only thing W shoukd be focussed on is her baby, and you just do not care about anyone else at all anymore but expect us all to prioritise you, including W to put your fucking birthday above her baby’s health.

I read the thread title thinking that it's not likely that one person is 'right' and the other 'wrong', because most fallings-out between friends are more nuanced and they each contribute in some way to the problem.
Then I read the thread. Nope. P is entirely wrong. Hopefully she will recover some reason and sense of humour at some point and apologise to poor old W.

The funniest thing about that was berating me for giving it “headspace” and then in the very next line saying they’d be “rethinking the friendship”. Rethinking is the definition of headspace 😂😂

I tried to phone my friend and she didn’t answer

P is obviously a twat with main character syndrome. How is that even a question?

@Tornad Fingers crossed for your friend W, hope it all goes well and her baby is okay. ❤️

The most pathetic AIBU I have ever read.

Of course your friend cannot chose the day she is induced. This is far far more important - there is nothing more important than the safe delivery of your child.

Absolutey ridiculous.

So actually this thread is about the fact that P and another friend aren’t talking to you rather than a breakdown between W and P?

It’s about whether or not I was right to think P is wrong.

I cannot believe I have actually wasted time reading the whole post and the updates surely this can’t be a real “problem”? Where do grown up women with families have time for all these non issues

Suppose you just focus for now on the other three friends in the group who don’t merit an initial, presumably because they’re not involved in this lunacy?

The date chosen will be a clinical decision, not one determined by W’s diary or desire to usurp her friend. P needs to get a grip. But honestly, it doesn’t sound like you’d be friends with either of them if you met now, so keep your distance until it blows over. Maybe distance yourself generally and focus on friends and family you actually like.

So, if you were being induced and one of your oldest friends stopped talking to you because of it, you’d honestly go “this is a non-issue” and won’t play on my mind at all? Don’t be ridiculous!

I’m sorry you wasted your time reading and couldn’t come up with a response that didn’t make you look dense.

Are they, like, 5 years old?

I haven’t spoken to any of the others since - one is actively ignoring me. I’m also not sure what you think W has done wrong.

You rarely have any say in induction days.fitst time mums often take a number of days to be induced, it would be unlikely to clash

Just to be completely clear - P isn't just annoyed that her birthday THIS year will be overshadowed?

She's also upset that if the baby does come on her birthday, W, the main birthday organiser by the sounds of it, will no longer be giving P her full and undivided attention in years to come?? And sent you a long crying voice note about it?

Wow. Well I don't think P needs to worry about that because if I was W she'd be gone as a friend now anyway.

Not that it’s at all relevant but just because a few people have assumed it, it’s not W’s first baby. Don’t think it makes any difference but just clarifying so I don’t cause another pile-on for lying or drip feeding or whatever.

What kind of a grow up woman gets annoyed at somebody being born on the same day as their birthday? It’s bonkers thst the thought even entered her head.

if W did it on purpose then she is just as bonkers (doesn’t she have anything else in her life to think about?!)

its unbelievable how small minded some people are.

Are they really your friends if they are behaving this way towards you?

What grown up person has a fit about somebody being induced on their birthday?

Have they done anything similar to you on the past? Because friends genuinely don’t behave this way. I may be wrong

Yes - this is the concern. P thinks that W will transfer the energy she currently puts into P’s birthday into her DD/DS instead and that she’ll not have the same birthday experience as the rest of us. Because P was always less organised than the rest of us, I guess W maybe played a bigger part in organising things for P.

She also thinks that W is trying to make P’s birthday all about her. P would expect everyone to attend her DD/DS’s birthday party and that kind of thing.

I don’t even know if W knows about how P feels or if they’ve spoken at all.

The OP sounds a bit dramatic in her responses 😂

Are YOU W OP?

I think everyone just needs to grow up.