Was dh out of order?

[autienotnaughty]

Eldest dd moved out a few months ago after buying a house. I wanted to keep her bedroom for a bit but she wanted to take her bed with her.

Dh works from home 2/3 days a week and more recently due to the project he is working on. We discussed putting a desk in dds old room and getting a futon for when we have guests.

we bought a futon and looked at several corner desks , it’s a single bedroom so with the futon and a corner desk the room wound be pretty full. I said to dh to choose any of the desks as they alllooked great.

a few weeks later the desk arrives, it’s massive it takes up 3/4s if the room! Dh says when family stop the will have more room as they can sleep under the desk!

im annoyed as there’s lees room and it feels less comfortable fir guests (mostly dd but my sister also stops regularly.

aibu to be annoyed?

I agree.

Since he lives and works from there, his needs should be more of a priority than people visiting.

If a small double is a squeeze how did you think you’d fit a decent working desk in there too? You know your DH needs computer space and drawing space so a small corner desk was never going to work, I don’t blame him ordering something he can actually work at. The chances are if he had a small corner desk he’d still need to use the dining room for drawing so you’d have the worst of both worlds.

Could this be why he’s made it highly unpleasant for your daughter to come and stay?

If DH is WFH so much, is it really convenient to have guests staying for a week at a time, as they won't have anywhere to go during the working day? I can't imagine it was much fun having him work downstairs when you had guests too.

The days of having a small computer desk at home with space for laptop has long gone. Copious paper files may no longer be required as more people go paperless but the result of this is large or multiple monitors are required

I have just upgraded from a small desk to a bigger one, and I have to say it makes my work day a lot more comfortable.

my plugs are more accessible, I have room for more snacks and water plus tea / coffee, my speaker fits nicely. Does he have monitors and a keyboard and a mouse, these need a fair bit of room.

Although from your diagram I don't think my new desk is as big as your DH's desk.

Why are people assuming he is a crap stepdad. He has been with OP 20 years and he has raised his step kids. And OP has confirmed he would do the same even if it was joint DC's room

If you find her hard work, I imagine your DH finds her visits unbearable. Why should he give up having a comfortable office for the sake of someone who doesn't even live there? Why is your sister's comfort more important to you than your DH (whom I presume contributed to the mortgage)'s desire to have a decent sized home office when you now have the space?

The OP has already said that her oldest daughter would share with her sibling when they had guests anyway. The eldest daughter has now bought her own home, surely this is the moment when her bedroom can be repurposed, it's not like she is renting in a shared flat where she might need to move back home at any point..

Because there was a happy middle ground that OP thought her DH was on the same page with.
It could be an office and a spare room for guests. Just like the husband agreed to.
Why didn’t he raise the idea of a larger desk when they were discussing it together, rather than going behind OP’s back without a word?
I’d be really cross with him!

I would be annoyed he didn't discuss change in desk plan, but it does sound more practicable than a corner desk

In that case, I think you're both being a bit unreasonable.
I think DH needs a larger desk than you had agreed.
I think he shouldn't have drastically changed the plans without discussing it.

(Unless the discussion was "I need a large desk for my monitors and drawings," "tough, you're having a little corner desk so we can have people to stay.")

You're only calling it that because a PP did

He didn't buy it to "show off", he brought it because he needs it...

if the futon isn’t big enough for 2 people (without having to top & tail) maybe you bought a futon that’s too big. Is it adults who have to sleep with someone’s feet in their face?

I don’t understand?
the futon won’t fit sideways ( so people’s head or feet are under the desk. ) it has to go longways so head or feet are facing the door. Both people can lay in the same direction .

A PP said if it’s only their feet under the desk and you said if 2 people have to sleep in the bed then one is under the desk. If both people only have their feet under a pretty high desk they could probably cope.
I think you’ve said it’s a single room, so trying to get a double futon & a desk was always going to be difficult.

I think a house should work for the people living in it more than for the guests. It's still useable for guests so I don't think he was out of order. He will be using the room far more than the guests will.