Was dh out of order?

[autienotnaughty]

Eldest dd moved out a few months ago after buying a house. I wanted to keep her bedroom for a bit but she wanted to take her bed with her.

Dh works from home 2/3 days a week and more recently due to the project he is working on. We discussed putting a desk in dds old room and getting a futon for when we have guests.

we bought a futon and looked at several corner desks , it’s a single bedroom so with the futon and a corner desk the room wound be pretty full. I said to dh to choose any of the desks as they alllooked great.

a few weeks later the desk arrives, it’s massive it takes up 3/4s if the room! Dh says when family stop the will have more room as they can sleep under the desk!

im annoyed as there’s lees room and it feels less comfortable fir guests (mostly dd but my sister also stops regularly.

aibu to be annoyed?

Where did your sister sleep before your daughter moved out?

I can't answer whether his desk choice is reasonable, other than to say that if the main purpose of the room is for him to work in, he needs a desk big enough for him to work comfortably.

But I think, since it doesn't work for the other purposes you have in mind, you should have made the decision together, not left him to it.

Also, does your dd live locally? Does she need to sleep over anymore? If it's just occasionally, could she have an airbed in the living room?

As for your sister- your dd has always had to move out to her bf's so your sister can stay? What about before she had a bf? What happened then? Doesn't your DH's needs trump having your sister to stay? Where will he work when she's staying in future- or will the futon just have to be put away every morning?

Plus does it really matter how big the desk is if the futon fits under it for sleeping purposes? A guest could dress in the bathroom, if there's not enough floor space to stand.

As requested

Before dd had a boyfriend /uni she shared with younger sister if needed.

Also the futon can’t go further under to create a walk space as the desk legs are in the middle and block it

How can a massive deal even be practical? Surely he can’t reach stuff at the back if it is literally 3/4 size of the room? It needs returned.

Believe me your sister will not be wanting to stay for 8 weeks of the year if she is having to sleep on a futon. They are not comfortable at all.

I am guessing that DH doesn't want a SIL to spend 1/6 of the year at your home.

Excellent

he is being unreasonable. Unless he is an architect
A corner des would have been much better.

He probably doesn’t think it s big deal (like my DH) but it would make me annoyed he’d done somthing -in my -view daft.

Why does he need such a big desk?
Can he send it back and you chose one of the other desks- the ones you agreed on?
Is dd his child? He didn’t sound like he wants her to ever stay.

Looks like it's just their feet under the desk. So not sleeping under it. No issue for one person in the futon.

It was never going to be a spacious guest room With two people in a futon, one person would have to maneuver themselves like an amateur gymnast get in or out, desk or no desk

Is it a big deak though? OP says it’s only a single room. Any decent sized desk will fill a lot of it.

We have three kids, older two are not his but he has raised them .

YABU. I don’t understand people who keep their child’s bedroom the same when they move out. He needs the space to work. That should come first

No they have to sleep the other way. So if two people are in the bed it’s one person underneath the desk

Where did he work before?

He should have measured the desk and run the new one past you to check you were happy first.

So if they sit up before remembering where they are, they could smack their head on the underside of the desk?

I'd be returning the desk. Surely he could still find a decent desk that isn't so huge.

It really won’t. The average desk is not 6.5 feet long, the length of the room. There are plenty much smaller options.

Why didn't you and your dh buy your dd a bed for the new place? Then the old one would have been in situ and the invitation to be able to come home would have remained open. Ah, yes, your DH isn't your dd's father and has prioritised himself and you have let him.

But nonetheless you would be pissed of with him for making the right decision?

Your DH went ahead and did what he want without communicating and compromising with you. I’d be embarrassed to expect someone to sleep under a desk, even if it is on the futon. YANBU.

I think the room should be kitted out to suit its primary purpose. If your husband is in there working 3 days every week it needs to meet his needs.

My husband wouldn't dream of choosing my desk because he isn't sat at it doing my job.

If you then don't have space for your sister to come and stay for a couple of weeks every few months then so be it.

Selfish choice by DH with no thought for anyone but himself. Tell him desk size actually has an inverse relationship to penis size 😀

Well pretty much never have 2 people staying according to your own post so it’s a non issue surely?

How about when your sister comes to stay, you book a hotel for the 2 of you and you go with her.