Was dh out of order?

[autienotnaughty]

Eldest dd moved out a few months ago after buying a house. I wanted to keep her bedroom for a bit but she wanted to take her bed with her.

Dh works from home 2/3 days a week and more recently due to the project he is working on. We discussed putting a desk in dds old room and getting a futon for when we have guests.

we bought a futon and looked at several corner desks , it’s a single bedroom so with the futon and a corner desk the room wound be pretty full. I said to dh to choose any of the desks as they alllooked great.

a few weeks later the desk arrives, it’s massive it takes up 3/4s if the room! Dh says when family stop the will have more room as they can sleep under the desk!

im annoyed as there’s lees room and it feels less comfortable fir guests (mostly dd but my sister also stops regularly.

aibu to be annoyed?

You don’t think when the DD has moved out is actually a perfect time to prioritise himself after years of making do with barely any space?

Why would an empty bed for 95% of the year make more sense than the person using it 3 days a week being prioritised?

We had a spare king size bed she took as well. The small double is in their guest room now.

Also I had a feeling that dd wasn’t his child.

It’s the same size roughly as a small double bed.

Dining room table which was a nightmare as I couldn’t use the kitchen when he was ina meeting

I'm going to take a gamble and say that he moved into your house.

Oh come on where did he buy a desk with the footprint of a double desk?
The average depth for a desk is 800mm which is well under the depth of a double bed.

Originally then we bought together we have been together 20 years

But nonetheless you would be pissed of with him for making the right decision?

I'd be pissed off from her point of view, but now I'm on the other side he is right as his work space needs to be adequate.

Get him to measure it and the space and look at the dimensions of other desks. They tend to come in a limited number of sizes so it may well be it's the room that's the real issue.

No. Our children will always have a bedroom at their family home. So they can come home whenever or if ever they wish.

My mother and step took over my bedroom when I was 21 and had moved out. It was visceral. My father would never have done it. I knew precisely where I stood!

How is this practical? You couldn’t reach across it to anything on the other side! Unless it was in the middle of the room and you were standing.

What does your h do? Does he actually need a bed-sized desk?!

Yes he’s out of order to buy something so different to what was agreed on without discussing it and having an agreement.

I have a large desk, multiple screen etc that one is ridiculously large!

Next visitor you two sleep on the futon and he can sleep under the desk? At least it will be dark I suppose 🤣

Are there other wankerish moves he does putting himself above your DC?

The problem is you have different priorities for the room
you think the futon trumps his desk
dh thinks the desk trumps the futon.

it’s alright for you to say get a small desk but he needs room to work every day your original plan is impractical

He's selfish and a twerp! He wanted her room as his office.

If you cant get him to send his desk back and get one you agreed on, get a decent sofa bed in the lounge/dining room for guests.

What an AH.

Its called growing up.

It’s one thing if you have space for both but to prioritise keeping a bedroom as is and empty for about 300 days a year when someone in the home has a practical need for the room nearly half the week is ridiculous.

When your sister visits, make your DH sleep in his office and she can sleep in your bedroom with you.

If he deliberately picked a desk that wasn't on the list of suitable desks that actually fit in the room and he doesn't actually need a desk that big, he has deliberately done this because he doesn't want your DD and your sister to come andd stay.

I agree with other posters that he wouldn't have done this if your DD was his child.

i would have got a proper small single bed and then chose an appropriate desk, you can’t leave a man to buy household items unsupervised, unless he lives alone.

Being a good parent is about ensuring there is enough space for the family. More space would have been available had a sensible sized desk been purchased.

You and I may differ but I think it's a subliminal message represents territory marking.

So if he works in the dining room it’s an inconvenience to you, if he buys a desk that doesn’t suit you it’s an inconvenience to you. The room sounds too small to reasonably fit a double bed and a decent sized desk - working at a small corner desk isn’t great day in day out it’s ok for him to have something he can comfortably work at.

I think the question is, does he NEED the giant desk? I mean, we will all fill a desk full of crap no matter the size, but does he NEED it? If so, and that’s the rooms primary purpose, then crack on (and accept your house guests will dwindle). If he doesn’t need it then return/sell it or cop the loss and get something of a more suitable size.

For how long? My parents certainly didn’t have space for 5 of us to stay at theirs any time we chose. We were always welcome home but sleeping arrangements would be make do and mend. I certainly didn’t expect them to keep a room for me when I moved out.

It’s about 20cm narrower than a small double but same length longways, his monitors are at the back and then he has room to write/ draw (he’s a engineer)

tbf it is more comfortable for him

this isn’t a step child thing he would have done same if it was our dd

So he does need the desk.