Was dh out of order?

[autienotnaughty]

Eldest dd moved out a few months ago after buying a house. I wanted to keep her bedroom for a bit but she wanted to take her bed with her.

Dh works from home 2/3 days a week and more recently due to the project he is working on. We discussed putting a desk in dds old room and getting a futon for when we have guests.

we bought a futon and looked at several corner desks , it’s a single bedroom so with the futon and a corner desk the room wound be pretty full. I said to dh to choose any of the desks as they alllooked great.

a few weeks later the desk arrives, it’s massive it takes up 3/4s if the room! Dh says when family stop the will have more room as they can sleep under the desk!

im annoyed as there’s lees room and it feels less comfortable fir guests (mostly dd but my sister also stops regularly.

aibu to be annoyed?

his monitors are at the back and then he has room to write/ draw (he’s a engineer)

Does his job need him to have a large desk? YANBU to ask him to send it back/sell it if it's something he doesn't need for work and not on the list of ones you agreed on.

Reminds me of when we moved into our first house and MIL gifted DH one of those enormous corner desks like they use in call centres. He thought it was great, but it took up 3/4 of our spare box room! He didn't need a desk that big, could have had a smaller one and put up some shelves to store his stuff on. It was so bulky you couldn't reach to clean the widows properly and they got mouldy .

Edited as I've just seen your update that a bigger desk is more practical for him. Could he have a smaller desk for his computers and use a fold out table for working on, so you can pack it away when you have guests?

It doesn't help the situation, but I would have thought it more useful in that situation to have two desks and a swivel chair, otherwise you're constantly pushing your monitors forward and back.

You shouldn’t really ever need to put monitors forward or back, they should always be about an arms distance away from you when sat at a desk.

that’s a very high desk (or very low futon?) if a person can lie down on the futon but still be under the desk! Sounds like a sardine tin. Personally I couldn’t

how about getting a pull out armchair bed? Swyft have nice and comfy ones

If your DD took her bed, and a "spare king size," where was that spare bed before? Why can't that be the guest room?

We lived in a 3 bed house where the smallest room is a box room.

I fully expected it to become an office when I moved out

We didn't have room for me to lay claim to a room I no longer used

I would never have taken it as a show of territory marking. That sounds like you have some hang ups about your mother remarrying

My mother and step took over my bedroom when I was 21 and had moved out. It was visceral. My father would never have done it. I knew precisely where I stood!

What need did you have for a bedroom at your parents house after you moved out? It’s your parents house to use as they please. Why keep a room empty and unused if they have need for the space?

So you freely admit he needs this size desk and it's more comfortable for him, the person using it the majority of the time, and yet still think be was wrong?

@BringOle OP says it can be converted to standing up desk and a futon is low down.

It doesn’t sound workable to me. I wouldn’t like sleeping under the desk!

Id be afraid the mechanism would fail and it would come crashing down, or stuff would fall off if. What does he do with all his stuff btw?

I’d say you went outside our agreement and if the impact is dd won’t stay, then I will suggest she sleep in with me and you can experience your underdesk futon. That sounds fair, I’d be very upset if I thought dd wasn’t staying because of it.

@RosesAndHellebores Our children will always have a bedroom at their family home. So they can come home whenever or if ever they wish

Well then you're lucky to live in such a large house that you can keep rooms available and pretty much unused for a lot of time.

Some people don't have a spare room (we don't) so people come to stay and you make do - living room, our bed and we move elsewhere, kids share, etc.

@autienotnaughty Having seen your DH's job, the desk definitely trumps the futon. I have three monitors in my office and could not use a desk smaller than the one I currently have.

I wouldn’t want to sleep under a bloody desk! What if you wake up disorientated and wallop your head!
He’s totally claimed that room for himself and I’d hazard a guess that your sister or in-laws won’t be staying very often now, if at all.

If DD was staying on her own, I’m not sure how it impacts her that much, as wouldn’t be sleeping under the desk.

Why would OP’s sister have more of a claim on the room??

Bit late now if he's already bought it but if you really needed the space for your dd/guests I would've designed/bought a desk which can fold up into the wall when needed. It sounds like you don't really have space for a desk and a bed however big the desk is otherwise.

It’s all on the desk he doesn’t move it

Surely DH's work trumps guests staying? Can they not stay in a hotel? As for DD when she stays - what about the living room sofa if it is just the occasional night?

In the loft in pieces it was our old bed and we saved it for her. It’s a single bedroom a small double is a squeeze

Send the desk back while it is in very good order.

No one needs a huge desk and it was not on the list so your DH did not choose in the spirit of fairness.

Take measurements and chose the desk so that the room will work well for the next ten years.

She’s hard work but I’m her only family apart from our dad who doesn’t have a space for her to sleep.

Sadly you are convincing me he deserves the penis extension desk

The OP says they 'looked at several corner desks' and then she said to dh to choose any of the desks.
Clearly she meant any of the desks they'd looked at, rather than any of the desks that exist in the world. It really isn't that hard to infer that. He's either a bit thick or deliberately ignored what thy'd discussed.

Ok he shouldn't have overridden your joint decision without consulting you so you are right to be furious about that.

But I actually agree that the needs of someone working 40-50 hours at a desk are more important than an occasional guest so I don't think the principle is wrong.