Was dh out of order?

[autienotnaughty]

Eldest dd moved out a few months ago after buying a house. I wanted to keep her bedroom for a bit but she wanted to take her bed with her.

Dh works from home 2/3 days a week and more recently due to the project he is working on. We discussed putting a desk in dds old room and getting a futon for when we have guests.

we bought a futon and looked at several corner desks , it’s a single bedroom so with the futon and a corner desk the room wound be pretty full. I said to dh to choose any of the desks as they alllooked great.

a few weeks later the desk arrives, it’s massive it takes up 3/4s if the room! Dh says when family stop the will have more room as they can sleep under the desk!

im annoyed as there’s lees room and it feels less comfortable fir guests (mostly dd but my sister also stops regularly.

aibu to be annoyed?

@RosesAndHellebores will you never downsize?

Was the corner desk practical for his needs?

How old are your other DC?

How can a desk be that deep? You can't even reach most of it! Does it have a built in hob and fridge/freezer or something? It looks like a monstrosity (need dimensions added!) but the original one also looks too small. We definitely need a picture or link of this incredible desk! It looks amazing.

Practically I'm sure there's a compromise. He shouldn't have bought something completely different with no discussion. However the space you allocated for him does seem as ridiculously small as the new desk is ridiculously large.

He has 120cm on 180cm stand up desk? Whose kidney has he sold to buy that

The problem is the desk you suggested isn’t practical for what he needs
I’m guessing the desk he’s got is 6ft by 3ft which isn’t massive by the time you’ve got phone laptop and printer on it

ultimately the room isn’t big enough for what you want it to do

There is enough space for the the family that live there! The adult DD has more than enough space in her own home.

DH and his sisters still have their bedrooms intact at their family home. Complete with their books and knick knacks. They are 64, 61 and 58!

You must surely know that’s not normal?

@RosesAndHellebores that will be fun clearing out when their parents die or need to go into a home. What happens if parents get too old to look after their house, can’t afford to maintain/heat it, it becomes impractical for their health needs? Do they still have to keep it? If they gain grandchildren do they have to provide bedrooms for them too?

If every set of parents have to keep enough bedrooms for all their adult offspring, no wonder so many new houses have to be built

Probably not.

Poster said DD moved out after buying a house,do people seriously keep a bedtime for their adult dks for ever! I couldn't afford to do this, even if I wanted to. It's ridiculous. We have 2 bedrooms after a downsizing but the last place was a tiny 3 bed cottage. Ds, had an IKEA unit which was a desk ,wardrobe the bed was above. When he left home, adult DD quite happily slept up top.

That’s called a shrine. It isn’t normal nor should people be guilted into keeping a childhood bedroom in tact for over 40 years.

DH has thought carefully about that. He has maintained the house as MIL wants it and manages her carers. She is 89.

It isn't a large house and there are people who specialise in house clearance.

I think given he needs a large desk for his work, the five smaller corner ones weren’t practical. He’s prioritised his job over the luxury of a spare room which is only needed sometimes. You can still put people up just less comfortably, that’s the compromise. So YABU.

@RosesAndHellebores will you end up being those parents adult DC worry about, living in too big a house, surrounded by stuff, not actually coping living there (there is no way my elderly widowed DM would be able to cope with our old family home, now downsized to one bedroom flat which is just about all she can manage but all she needs)

@RosesAndHellebores so does your DH spend time and money sorting out her house, where he could be just spending that time with MIL?

No. We have more than enough money and our adult children are likely to live internationally. DS and DIL are off in September.

Mother and step are 89 and 81. They love their house, which isn't huge, but has a large garden. It would do more harm than good to uproot at this stage.

Gosh you really are over extending now.
He does what he needs to do and goes over and above compared to many others, with his mother's wishes and best interests at heart.

@RosesAndHellebores can you at least accept that not everyone is in the same financial position as you and won’t be able to keep the family home (together with a shrine for their pensionable age adult DC) until they die

Why wasn't it sent back?
He did this deliberately.
Making guests visiting more difficult, especially your child.

I would be very pissed off and it wouldn't be staying.
HE can buy another one.
He sounds like a selfish, dim, twat.
He would not get away with this.

She means on a futon. As she said in her OP

So you'd rather your DH was uncomfortable at a desk for 52 weeks of the year, less holidays, for something that maybe would be 8 weeks?

Your DD didn't even stay there much before she moved out

Yes and I noted that information as an exception. It's a shame the girls step is not navigating a middle way imo.

What does he do that he needs a desk that large?

It's a difficult one, but on reflection I think I'm on your DH's side here. If he's an engineer and needs room on his desk for drawing then a corner desk just isn't going to do the job. He's probably been dreaming about the day he gets a proper desk rather than the kitchen table.

Plus it has the added bonus of perhaps preventing your sister from coming to stay for 1-2 months every year! Sorry, I know I'm projecting now but I would have hated having my SIL stay for that much time. I'm sure your sister is lovely though.

@Greenvases he has probably done it as practical for work. In first few weeks of lockdown DH WFH on the kitchen table, nightmare with his big screen. Was much better when we sorted out desk in spare bedroom.

The DD doesn’t sound too hard done by as took her own bedroom furniture plus an additional bed to her new home. What was she expecting OP to do in her old room?