Friend pissed off I didn’t eat all of the dinner she made me

[HattieD]

Can I ask if you think I was unreasonable? We (my husband and I) had a dinner at my friends (and her husbands) house on Saturday. They weren’t free in the day, so prior to this, we went to an event at a local pub. This was from 2-5, and they had a free BBQ which we had a bite to eat from.

We’d told our friends about the event and the free BBQ being an added bonus. Dinner was served about 6.30 (earlier than we’d usually eat but no issue) and our friend had made a lovely but substantial meal. I gave it a good go, and probably ate about 70% of it, with DH eating slightly more of his.

On Sunday, my friend messaged to say she thought it was rude we ate at the pub and that we left ‘so much’ of our dinner. I reiterated how much we enjoyed the food and said that it was a very generous portion.

I just think that if we hadn’t mentioned the BBQ, she’d have been none the wiser and probably wouldn’t have said anything about the decent amount of food we ate?

I would never ever plate up a curry. The whole point of curry is to serve yourself what you'd like.

8pm is not a typical time for dinner or most. Daft post!

It's a typical time in our house and for most of my colleagues. Our office hours are 9.30-5.30 and the commute takes nearly 1.5 hours. Then i have to cook the "daft" dinner, it doesn't magically appear.

I love threads like this OP, because it always descends into these little mini side-scuffles. Couple of posters arguing about portion sizes in one corner, another couple arguing about shop and doctors opening times in another.

Fucking love this shit 👀

Our shopping centre is open until 8pm every day except Sunday and Tesco Express round the corner shuts at 11pm. @Zov might shit herself in horror at the thought.

But you can eat and enjoy food together without eating masses. I think its polite to arrive able to eat when invited out for a meal but I hate going out to a meal hungry because there is the arrival chit chat and all the preamble before getting to eat and my hungry goes pretty quickly to hangry and or headachey.

OP said her husband had a couple of pints of beer, so about 5 units and the effects of this would still have been evident when they arrived at the friends house for dinner. 2 pints of beer contains about 400 calories and I imagine what the OP drank had about he same number of calories so this would have also had a substantial effect on how full they felt.

Be honest.. if you hadn’t had the burger would you have been able to finish up?

If yes, I can slightly see her point and you were a bit rude to eat at the pub .

If no, then explain that to her and leave it. If she can’t accept that some people won’t eat everything off their plate (regardless of when and what they have eaten before) then it’s her problem and she should probably stop hosting. You should also stop telling people you’ve eaten before dinner at their house.

Popping the opening times and closing times of 1 or 2 shops on here proves nothing 'hun.' There are still 1000s of shops that shut by 5.30pm. 😂 You know there are 10s of 1000s of other shops in the UK outside your town right?

I can get a few printscreens if you like. (Actually I CBA, there are so many shops that shut by 5.30pm that I would spend all night printscreening them all!) 😆

Truly, TRULY daft. (Your posts!)

Problem with you @BankHolidayMonday is that you are declaring that what YOU experience and do is absolute fact. And anyone disagreeing or having different views and experiences is WRONG.

Really arrogant way to behave. I know people like you in real life. I avoid them a LOT. I'm a bit bored with you now. Night night. I'm done with you now.

Haven't you got a few shops to go to? It's 20.59, surely there should be a few open where you are. 😂

I wonder why some people feel so offended when you point out that most people have a VERY different routine.

Is it making her feel inferior to have an early diner? if so.. just eat later 😂

It's only relevant because when most people are used to eat a lot later, they won't be very hungry 2 hours before their usual diner time, made worst by the host over-flowing the plate. It can't be that complicated to get that?

I am so at odds with many of the comments! When you cook for someone you don't get to dictate how much they eat. A good host gives their guests what their guests want, that's the essence of hospitality. And if your guests don't want a big dinner, then that's entirely their prerogative for whatever reason!

If I knew I was going to my friends for dinner I wouldn't have eaten a lot at a BBQ before I went.
They probably spent all day cooking and preparing. I can understand why she is upset

Upset that she ate 70% of a ready plated up meal?

Did you know she was cooking curry, because I would have offended her even more as I hate curry so wouldn't have been able to eat any of it.

The shopping centre is not most shops in the high streets and towns though is it dear? And I know Tesco Express is open late, but I am willing to bet that after 5.30pm-6pm there is fuck-all open in your high street except takeaways, chip shops, restaurants, and pubs. (And maybe the off-licence!) Don't say all the shops are open til 8pm or something, because I know they're not. 😆

She is upset that she ate just before she went round for dinner.

Unless you have some medical issue, allergies and so on, I don't think you can refuse to eat what your friend serves you, it's irrelevant if you like it or not.

Another reason why it's so rude to plate for your guests. At least let them stick to the smallest portion they can politely get away with 😂

Would 30 minutes have made that much different. You were pretty thoughtless.

I mean everyone's different...if I'd had a light lunch 12-1 i would be extremely hangry by 8! I often eat a little snack around 4ish to avoid this. Otherwise no-one would enjoy having me round for dinner!

Serve me any kind of cooked cabbage or similar, expect me to eat it and you will see me projectile vomit across the table.

it wasn't "just before"

I don’t eat masses? I eat a normal amount for an adult meal. If he’s eaten lunch too late he eats a very very small amount and visibly struggles to eat anything. It feels awkward to me, eating when the other person is just looking at a full plate.

I don't normally put meals on plates for guests (other than MIL who refuses to use serving utensils or adopt basic table manners - she sticks the fork that has been in her mouth in the serving dishes, she double dips and one Christmas she sat eating pudding off the serving plate). DM eats like a sparrow and during covid complained that I had served a huge starter because I had served a tiny ramekin of salad as part of a Christmas day starter. I don't know what visitors' appetites are. I don't know if the veg I have made suits my guests. Leftovers in a serving dish can be frozen for another day; leftovers on a plate can't.

My daughter and her fiance live 60 miles from us and on Saturday they were coming here for a family event. She phoned me on Wednesday to ask if they could stay over because her fiance had an appointment 15 miles from us yesterday morning. I had uncooked meat from Saturday's barbecue (it hadn't defrosted in time) so I decided to make a stir-fry for lunch before they went away. For us as a household I would normally serve it on plates but I put out dishes on the table with the stir-fry and rice for everyone to help themselves to avoid waste. The bonus is that there are 2 portions of stir fry and rice in the freezer for another day.

do you struggle imagining people with slightly different lives to yours?
I don't know anyone who "isnt even close to home" at 8pm
It's not 1980 anymore, not everyone commutes an hour for their 9-5
how do you know what's a "common" time to eat? any actual evidence to back up other than "this is what I do?"

I think it's one of those situations where you are BOTH being a bit unreasonable.

However, did she box up the remains and give you a doggy bag to take away, @HattieD ? That would surely solve the issue of the leftovers.