My neighbour allows kids to play at her house

[Eolhc1990]

OK so I feel like a bit of an @ssh0le here but this is driving me crazy. Last year I moved into a new house with my husband and DC (now 6 and 3) we live on a small quiet road with only a few houses. There are kids under 8 in 5 of those houses. We have front gardens but the kids that are 7/8 years old play on the street riding bikes/scooters etc and they can be loud which is a bit annoying but its kids what can you do. Anyway one of the other families is a lady with a 5 year old child and a baby. Because her child is too young to play on the road she will let the older neighbour kids play in her front garden, she will set up a table with play doh or paint or today a splash pad! and the kids will play there for a few hours while she sits and watches.... my problem is now everytime I try to bring my kids in from creche I'm getting pestered by them to go over there.
She always invites them and is a very sweet lady but by the time my kids are home it's 6pm and I just want to get them in and into the bath etc.
With the recent warm weather this is EVERY evening im dreading this evening because il have to face a meltdown if i say no to them playing on the splashpad with the other kids and I just think its a lot. Im sure the other parents think this is great they can just leave their kids over there but for me it's a nightmare we are not really playdate house at the best of times. I prob need to get over it but just needed to vent. I feel like asking her can she get the kids to hide when I come home from work

You just have a very different parenting style from this mother and are not drawing the line at simply acknowledging that, you're then straying into criticising her style and suggesting it's somehow wierd because it doesn't align with yours. Presumably the kids are all there with permission, she's not the neighbourhood pied piper drawing in random off the street is she?

From what you've said here about her she sounds great, and that she's giving her children a great social circle, and embracing the sometimes chaos and mess that is having small children.

I get it's annoying to have to say no but the world can't turn around one family's routine as others have said, and this woman isn't doing anything wrong, she sounds like a great neighbour to have on a street of kiddos.

This was a bit like my childhood as well.

Nothing made me happier, once I was a mum, than seeing my DC playing with neighbours, impromptu play dates and friendships being formed.
It is one of the many joys of warm summer evenings and won’t be all year round.

It was the complaint about the other woman doing papier mache craft and making a mess in her own home that got me.

Not all kids sleep early. Mine won't sleep before 9 90% of the time and eldest will be up to 11 if he doesn't have melatonin (he has seizures and a sleep disorder) we're often in the garden 7.30/8 for a play to get wriggles out before bedtime. If my almost 4 yr old has a nap she won't sleep until 10, we try to avoid naps but at nursery sometimes she'll have a wee sleep and they let her sleep which is fine.

Not everyone is I flexible and we both work full time and have early starts.

Crikey, OP, you do whatever works for you. BUT you have to accept that you are being unreasonable.

If you have strict and reasonably unusual rules (like no playdates) it's only going to get worse from hereon in. You will have to woman up and be the bad guy.

If it's any consolation the weather will be cold and glum in the blink of an eye and it will no longer be a problem.

I have always been fairly routine focused but as my children have got older, It’s lovely to have them play in the garden while the weather is so nice. And even when they were younger and at nursery, they’d have a slightly later bedtime at this time of year.

Crafting or baking is also ideal play date stuff. We’d always get something out when mine were a bit younger and needed an activity for a play date. The older ones tend to just crack on.

Its not all about you. Also you need to stop saying you are not a play date house and think of your children. My parents never allowed friends over unless it was pre arranged ages in advance and it happened very rarely. It made me stand out and I resented how free and easy other parents seemed to be compared to mine. You are being rigid and selfish

Well to help someone you need to understand what the problem is.

At the moment, this is what it sounds like to me: "all kids in the street are playing in the neighbour's garden in the evening, I won't let my kids play for no reason at all, they get upset, how do I stop neighbours from having fun so my kids won't get upset"

I can probably guess that OP is one of those people who get their kids to bed at 7 and then moan that they are up at 5 in the morning.

I always had a house full of kids, because it's easier - they go off and play, I got on with chores.

The op can do as she wishes and she doesn’t intend to change. Fair enough.

She must stop blaming another parent for the issues she’s experiencing with her own children under her own roof

Papier mache doesn't make children feral! I also feel for your children never being allowed friends over. Your neighbour sounds lovely. We're not a screens house either and realised yesterday DS hasn't watched any TV since the weekend before last just because we don't have it on in the background, there's no time for it after school and he prefers to play in the garden anyway and we were busy this weekend. He hasn't even realised. Children love to play with other children you keep saying no to them having friends over and no to them playing with the neighbour children they will resent you.

If You don't want your children to join in that's your choice, but you'd be better saying if she's there over the weekend you can go then, but only if you don't whinge about it all week.

Papier mache doesn't make children feral!

20 years from now...

Police officer: what started you down the path of becoming one of the world's most prolific criminal masterminds/drug dealers/serial killers?

Prolific criminal: Well it all began when my mum let me do Papier mache as a kid...

"she is a bit airy fairy, once when we did go over for a pre agreed playdate she let the kids do paper machè which just seemed an odd choice for a playdate. "

Why are you so judgemental? Clearly she's letting her kids have fun, while you are obsessed with your routine, which i imagine is because you want to have your evenings to yourself so you can have some wine and watch tv, even if it means your kids missing out.

The routine works for you, but it needs to work for your children too or they'll resent you for it when they're older

Yes in fairness from when i was there she does make children go ask their parents before they can go inside her house to play but she doesn't when it's in front the garden.
Actually she is kind of like a pied piper in that she deliberately sets up these activities in her FRONT garden (despite the fact that she has a big back garden) she sets these things up purely with the intention of luring kids over to her house. She pretty much told me as much, she said her 5 year old always wanted to scoot/bike with older ones and she wouldn't let her so did this instead. Yes it's her perogative, and if the kids were all just organically friends it would be less annoying but she has manufactured these friendships by making her garden the "place to be".
I do find it weird guess we are just different.

Gosh, you sound utterly miserable!

You need to look up the benefits of messy play for young children. Setting up a papermache activity seems like the best way to mange a bunch of kids what makes you think it is weird? This mum sounds brilliant and very in tune with her young children. Airy Fairy? how judgmental of you. She's arty and loves doing art activities with young children which is probably the best play activity for child development and lets them lead the play. I think you sound jealous of her tbh

You have an attitude to parenting,children and play that seems rigid and cold. No play dates in your own house because you dislike the thought of other children running about your pristine house distasteful? No understanding that activities in school do not compare to free and riotous fun with other kids. Do you play with your kids during family time? Up your game then instead of accusing the neighbour of being manipulative!

I used to do as your neighbour is doing, as I preferred not to have my children playing on the street. It was also easier than entertaining them or keeping them occupied myself. You are being very unreasonable. If you don't want your children playing in the evening, tell them no, but don't make out that this neighbour is being unreasonable, for being a good mother and a good neighbour, (unlike some miserable uptight folk🙄 )

@Eolhc1990
So, you resent her having a place in the front garden that attracts the neighborhood children and lets them have fun, ALL because you have stricter than strict rules about every minute of your children's lives when they get home with you. Got it.

How dare that woman be kind, friendly and open with the neighborhood children! Time for The Rack, Wheel or Brazen Bull! /s

I cannot understand people with young children who never have other children round to play? How do you expect your children to socialise? It’s you that’s being weird, not your neighbour

But how are children going to ‘organically’ make friends if you stop them playing with others?

You need to relax your kids will be old before you know it ! She sounds great fun she’s an artist and enjoys kids you sound uptight and miserable. Your kids need to have play dates and enjoy their childhood

I think there is something about this woman that bothers you but you are not being honest about what that is. I can tell from your post that her creativity, flexible work pattern, and enjoyment of spending time with children seems to trigger something in you. If I were you I’d be looking at what it is in your own life that is making you unhappy. It isn’t really about this woman at all, I think it’s about the fact that you’re not having much fun at the moment. Do you worry you’re not a fun mum? That your kids aren’t having enough fun? There is nothing strange about papier maché! I think what is going on here is a whole lot of projection and a big dollop of resentment.