My neighbour allows kids to play at her house

[Eolhc1990]

OK so I feel like a bit of an @ssh0le here but this is driving me crazy. Last year I moved into a new house with my husband and DC (now 6 and 3) we live on a small quiet road with only a few houses. There are kids under 8 in 5 of those houses. We have front gardens but the kids that are 7/8 years old play on the street riding bikes/scooters etc and they can be loud which is a bit annoying but its kids what can you do. Anyway one of the other families is a lady with a 5 year old child and a baby. Because her child is too young to play on the road she will let the older neighbour kids play in her front garden, she will set up a table with play doh or paint or today a splash pad! and the kids will play there for a few hours while she sits and watches.... my problem is now everytime I try to bring my kids in from creche I'm getting pestered by them to go over there.
She always invites them and is a very sweet lady but by the time my kids are home it's 6pm and I just want to get them in and into the bath etc.
With the recent warm weather this is EVERY evening im dreading this evening because il have to face a meltdown if i say no to them playing on the splashpad with the other kids and I just think its a lot. Im sure the other parents think this is great they can just leave their kids over there but for me it's a nightmare we are not really playdate house at the best of times. I prob need to get over it but just needed to vent. I feel like asking her can she get the kids to hide when I come home from work

It's summer! You need to channel a bit more of the airy fairy artist by the sounds of it.

I do admire your honesty though as many backpedal when the thread isn't going their way. You made yourself sound even more unreasonable, but, I think if you're happy with your routine and your kids seem happy then you're going to have to suck it up unfortunately.

Anyone home has forced "family time" when the DC's want to do other things will find that once the DC are old enough to make their own choices, they'll never choose family time because they don't have good memories of it.

If you want them to continue doing family time then it needs to be fun for them.

I wasn’t going to comment as you are already getting it from everyone but the more I read your replies the more it pisses me off.

Just because people do things differently to you doesn’t make it bad. You say evenings should be family time yet you spend 1 hour with your children before they are asleep?? But fine 7pm works for your children for bedtime.

What may come as a surprise to you is that other times and things work for other people. My daughter goes to bed at 9. She is 2 years and 8 months. Any earlier and wakes after a few hours thinking she has napped. We have no friends on my street with children so regularly go to other houses and let them play out till 8. Especially in this weather.

You clearly are jealous of this other mum. You said yourself she makes you feel inadequate. That’s definitely a you problem. I’m always doing messy play with my daughter. It rains, we are out finding puddles to splash in. You can chose to be that way too. You just seem stuck in your own way and so everyone else is wrong!!!! Therapy could help.

The way you bring up your children is entirely your prerogative.

The issue is that you are whinging and raging about how another person is choosing to parent.

Instead of addressing the elephant in the room Op…. You need to parent up.

Children playing with other neighbourhood children until 8pm on light nights doesn't make them feral. That's just ridiculous.

Other parents in your street parent differently. It's very telling that you whinge that you shouldn't have to change your routine whilst making clear you think think multiple parents should change theirs to suit you.

You can’t control what this lady does, and it sounds like a lot of fun for kids. I grew up playing out with friends and it’s a real shame now that this doesn’t happen much. Anyway, you can’t control what she does, not all kids will be in bed for 7pm like hers. If you’re bathing them anyway i’d let them have 30 mins and put them to bed half hour later. I’m sure once the weather returns to its usual UK gloom that she will stop doing it on week days.

I can understand why your kids are upset when they see their friends having fun on the splash pad and their mum said no as they have a rigid routine to stick to. I bet you were someone who couldn’t go anywhere at certain times of day as your kids had to nap in their cots. Your choice how to live your life, which is clearly very different to your neighbour who wants to see her kids have fun on a summer evening. Tell your kids you don’t want to hear any whining if you won’t allow them to join in.

They whinged for 30 mins this evening

good grief OP, my 3 and 6 year old whinge at me for thirty mins, pester me constantly and have meltdowns about not going to neighbours…. I would be saying “the next person to whinge at me to go over there, doesn’t watch any television tonight / goes straight to bed after dinner”, and to bloody stick to it.

Your kids sound bored
You sound like you’re just not really enjoying parenting

The local kids are ‘obsessed with her’ because she is…. FUN!

either say ‘no’ and get on with your evening and ignore all whining

or join in .

I’d grab a chair and make a cuppa etc and go over with them - watch and / or join in - love seeing my kids playing with others - all the funny little things they say and do together. So sweet!

when you decide it’s bedtime you give a 5 minutes warning then scoop them up and go home.

Everyone parents differently - life is never fair - they’ll always be another kid with a later bedtime or more toys etc. but you parent yours and make it clear this is what we’re doing.

i’n not the most sociable, I find social situations hard - but this would be such a great way of both you and your kids getting to know people in your street and letting them have a bit of fun.

can’t imagine your kids looking back with fond memories that bedtime was always strictly on the dot - but bet they would have lovely memories of playing out in those few short weeks of summer with the neighbours kids.

I’m all for routine as kids thrive on consistency - but sometimes I think a bit of flexibility and ‘go with the flow’ is healthy too.

well, your neighbour sounds lovely and I did exactly the same when my kids were too young to play away from home. It’s nice for children to be able to build friendships with the local
kids but still be supervised when young. Summer is exactly the time for that. I wouldn’t expect that to change any time soon. In fact the only thing changing will need to be you. As your children get older their routine will need to change. For 5yr old that will be too early bedtime soon. And at school you need to start having friends over and taking turns hosting. I’d seriously think about having the local kids over to your house one night like the weekend where your kids can join in and let the lovely neighbour know you’ll watch her kids as well as yours since you’ll need to keep an eye on your 3yr old.

To be fair, it sounds like they already go straight to bed and likely don't get any tv. There's probably not much to take away as punishment.

Maybe make time at home a little more fun? Even if that's just adding some daft story telling around your normal routine to liven things up for them.

I have very fond memories of the garden set-up that you described. Yabvu and grumpy.

Make friends with the fun mum. Let the kids play for 30 minutes before bed. Better than 30 minutes of whining.

I dont understand, why cant they go? Why they ned to have a bath at 6?

@Eolhc1990
With respect, this is YOUR problem - not hers. You seriously cannot ask her to stop doing things at certain times because you can't control your kids' pestering.

So there is literally nothing that they’re bothered about the OP removing if they ignore her and carry on pestering her?? That is a thread in itself!

You don’t need to understand

this is how the Op wishes to parent, that is entirely her prerogative

The issue is…. She is blaming another parent for the problems she’s experiencing under her own roof

The kids will remember it forever, and it will be excellent for their development in almost every way imaginable - let them play. It's precious that they can do this - many don't get the chance.
But stick to timings, and maybe have a word with the woman to get her to recognise that you will be calling the kids in, and she can also encourage them to go home when called. Not very well expressed, I'm half asleep 😀

Yes they sound like they have a boring life tbh

Exactly. The OP surely knows loads of kids who end up successful adults are allowed to relax and have fun a little on summer evenings. Sad. And not allowing play dates. Poor kids

OP, I had a mum who behaved like you.

I had a rather sad, lonely, suffocating and boring childhood, always feeling like an outsider, I definitely missed milestones in terms of social development and I ran away to the other end of the world as soon as I could.

My mum had self-esteem issues and had had a very strict childhood, and I am certain she was jealous/couldn’t accept that we were offered the opportunities she never had as a child.

Not saying you’re the same but I would think further about why you’re that annoyed by a neighbour doing such a lovely thing.

Oh lord, you are such a stressy and wound up person. And yes, some people are just patient and don’t ’lose their shit’ at kids. I don’t.

That’s so sad.

I know people who weren’t allowed play dates or friends round due to uptight mums like this and it affected them for life.

*me and my husband both think that evening times should be family time**

With the happy sounds of your children pestering and having meltdowns

sounds dreamy

If you need to keep your routine, could you add a little more fun into it? Even if it's just daft storytelling around your usual things, like maybe you're having a pirate tea and then the bath is sailing on the high sea.