Was I unreasonable to say no?

[Thefourth]

Christmas allocation was sent out last week. We have to have it so early because we need to plan the out reach around it. For first time in 5 years I have Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day & NYD off. Im Working nye. We’re going to go away. We dont have children but that’s because I’m infertile it’s not because we don’t want them.

Usually I pick up extra but this year I thought fuck it, no I want to have it all off. So I requested it off and in the comments I pointed out I have covered their Christmas shifts & done my own for 5 years.

I have been massively guilty of tripped by 3 colleagues who have said I must pick up their Christmas shifts because they have children and I don’t. One of them said that I was deceitful by not telling them I wanted it all off because as she assumed I would cover it all she hadn’t asked for any of it off.

Another one has gone to our manager and demanded that he make me work it and give them my days off. He asked me to consider taking some of their shifts and I said if he asks me again I will quit.

For the last 5 years I have had off the 29th-30th December and then take my ‘Christmas leave’ in January.

Their children are 11,5,9,15,18 & 21 respectively if it changes anyone’s opinion.

the atmosphere is awful

Just to add OP, next year remember this behaviour and don't offer to work over the holidays if you aren't assigned to do so. I don't do favours for people who treat me like crap.

I don't need to 'read the room' yes co workers being unreasonable but wouldnt have killed op to say I'm not doing overtime shifts this year.

Have they ever shown much gratitude for you covering their shifts?

It seems like they are taking you for granted

This is awful and I have small children.

you shouldn’t have to lie but if it helps say you have flights somewhere and it’s booked and done

stand your ground.

my husband works Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year’s Eve New Year’s Day, my kids birthdays, our birthdays, when he’s sick, when I’m sick and has done for the last 20 years - because he’s a farmer. We’re not entitled to those days off, it’s amazing they have had the last days off. Bet they want milk over Xmas, and nhs care, and petrol, and Tesco… but they shouldn’t have to work, just everyone else? Including you?! If you have managed to get that time off, enjoy it, don’t let them make you feel like they’re entitled to it, it’s your turn and you’re taking it. They’ve had plenty of turns. It’s basic life skills to take turns, sounds like they don’t know how to.

A pp referred to Mumsnet World.

I was a teacher, so fortunate not to be troubled by the holiday dilemma. However, I was a carer for both my mum and my husband for some years.

I had a carer coming in to help with Mum, but I was still needed in the mornings, given her physical disabilities. I had to get my husband dressed and organised before I left for work. (He was fully compos mentis, but had hemiparesis following his stroke.)

Why am I mentioning this? I was a PTC (Dept and Faculty Head) in a Scottish secondary. My HT informed me that a new member of staff was joining my dept.

I duly drew up the timetable, sharing classes equally with regard to mix of ability range, age group etc.

My HT then sent my line manager/depute to inform me that I was to remove all Period 1 classes from the new teacher's timetable. Why? Apparently, she had four children. (Her DH, I later found out, was in SLT in another school.)

Apparently, it's not possible for two parents to manage to deal with 4 able-bodied children and to get into work on time.

In the meantime, the HT added to my teaching timetable. Other PTCs were on a half teaching timetable. I had rather more, partly because I was being made to carry the mother of 4. The lack of management time meant that I was finding myself staying at work later and later because certain tasks had to be completed on the council intranet at that time. Yes, I did consult my union.

The relevance to this thread is that it is definitely my experience that some managers give preferential treatment to those with children.

I could add more - being given cover classes so that parents of both sexes could attend primary school nativity plays, etc.

Would you explain why the OP should have informed others of this? Do you mean that she should have informed management or that she should have informed her co-workers?

She has informed management - some months ahead.

You are 100% reasonable @Thefourth . You have every right to occasional Christmases off. You have done your fair share and way more. Your colleagues are arseholes. Enjoy your time off and don't allow a moment of guilt, you are fully entitled to this.

Selfish cunts.

i say this as a mother.

No yanbu.

Your colleagues are ridiculous. How dare they assume you'll do their shifts. Stick to your guns.

Appalling that you should be in this position - Xmas/NY holidays are not ‘for people with children’. People without children have families, just not those that include children of their own. The entitlement of your colleagues is off the scale. If you had elderly relatives who needed support, perhaps because carers are entitled to leave over Christmas too, would their needs be deemed less important than those of children? And believe me, as the mother of teens, they could care less whether their parents are home more than a couple of hours on Xmas day… they love their gifts, a lie in and suffer the extended family sit down meal (largely in good humour) but head off to connect with their mates on discord/gaming platforms as soon as it’s polite to do so. These colleagues do not NEED to be home for Christmas at a higher level than you need to be allowed have that time off from time to time.

Very difficult to please everyone but there needs to be some sort of rota to ensure fairness, irrespective of having children or not.
I've worked in places where parents assumed it was fair that they had Xmas and NY off!
OP, enjoy your much deserved holiday at Christmas

No good deed goes unpunished! Your colleagues have an astonishing sense of entitlement. Childfree people are not obliged to cover unpopular shifts for people with children. It's not some sort of moral imperative. Actually you'll probably enjoy Christmas more without whining children and the crunch of plastic underfoot so take the time off. Your manager sounds a bit unfortunate - I manage staff and I wouldn't for a moment countenance the public whining of your colleagues or try to make you do their shifts for the 6th year running. There would be disciplinary action on my watch for your colleagues if they continued because it is nothing but bullying behaviour.

YANBU—not even a little bit. You’ve done your time, picked up the extras, and been more than fair for five years. Wanting a proper break (especially after giving up every major holiday since who-knows-when) isn’t selfish—it’s overdue.
Their childcare choices aren't your burden, and the 21-year-old? Please. That’s not a child, that’s a flatmate who raids the fridge. Enjoy your well-earned Christmas off—guilt-free.

Absolutely stick to your guns!
Ive been in this position previously too and I became fed up of the 'you dont have children so my time is more important than yours' blackmail......
I now have children so I get how precious tim off with them is, but don't choose to work in a job/career that requires 365 days a year cover if you're not prepared to do your fair share; simple!
I no longer work in my previous industry because I became sick of shifts, nights, working every sunny bank holiday weekend etc the endless squabbling and stress to plan your entire years holiday in January and submit it to your line manager first..... 🙄🙄

YANBU and your colleagues are nasty entitled arses. Stand your ground. You’ve covered for them for five years.

Enjoy Christmas with your family.

This is what sticks in my craw "One of them said that I was deceitful by not telling them I wanted it all off because as she assumed I would cover it all"
She actually admitted she assumed you'd cover it all!
Words fail me.

This sums up the unfairness of it all when parents are perceived to be getting preferential treatment at others expense.
PS I am a parent

christmas isnt JUST for children op
stand your ground.

The relevance to this thread is that it is definitely my experience that some managers give preferential treatment to those with children.

But not in writing, since it's a clear breach of the equality act. Although good luck getting that actually in a court.

Urgh they are being totally unfair. I am the only person in my team with kids (and mine are all primary age)

i still accept that some years, I will have to work over Xmas, I don’t have any more right than anyone else.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. People don’t just get to use children as a default card for everything.

Just keep reminding them of the favours you did for the past 5 years and tell them it’s their turn to return the favour.

No one should be villainised for not having children or treated any differently. There are other people to spend time with over Christmas other than just children.

100%.

If they assumed you’d work over Xmas every year, they made a wrong, and IME disrespectful, assumption.

If they’re causing a bad atmosphere because you’re finally taking a Xmas off, it’s their problem, not yours. It’s unprofessional, immature and may even constitute bullying.

Rise above it, hold your head high and ignore them.

If it persists, ask your line manager what they think about it.

I back you now and would have when my DC were younger.

They're selfish colleagues and can now divide cover out amongst themselves. Look at the other ways you give and support and pull it all back. Consider quiet quitting and saving energy for job applications.