AIBU to consider ending a lifelong friendship over this?

[TheNavySwan]

Need some outside perspective because I feel like I’m going mad.
Bit of a long one — thanks in advance if you read this.

So I’m currently debating whether to stay friends with my lifelong best friend (we’ll call her Sarah) after I feel like she’s totally stabbed me in the back.

Basically, there’s another girl (Beth) — someone I’ve known since we were actual babies — who recently got married. Sarah only knows Beth through me. They’ve never been close on their own, barely know each other. I was originally asked to be Beth’s maid of honour, and I accepted.

But at the time, I was dealing with a lot — uni stress, a horrible breakup with a manipulative ex, moving home, and some mental health stuff. I got overwhelmed and told Beth I couldn’t do it anymore. Not proud of it, but I was in a really bad place and not thinking clearly (my ex had a lot to do with that).

In a bit of a panic, Beth then asked Sarah to be her maid of honour instead. Sarah accepted (which I kind of understand, since she was put on the spot). Later on, I broke things off with my ex and started to feel more like myself again, and I reached out to Beth to explain the situation and told her I regretted stepping down.

Beth then offered for me to be a bridesmaid instead, but after a bit of back and forth, we ended up agreeing to share the maid/matron of honour role — since Sarah is married and I’m not. So at that point, all seemed okay again.

Fast forward — time goes on, and neither Sarah nor I actually help Beth with any wedding stuff. Sarah just had a baby, so she’s been busy, and I’ve still been trying to get my life back on track. So we were kind of in the same boat. But then, out of nowhere, Beth sends me this nasty message saying she doesn’t want me at her wedding anymore because I’ve not helped at all. And I’m thinking — okay, but Sarah hasn’t either, yet you’re still best mates with her? Why single me out?

Anyway. The plot thickens.

Turns out, Beth has apparently been lying about her nan being dead for SIX YEARS. I only found this out recently after our mums bumped into each other at the shops, and Beth’s mum let it slip that the nan was very much alive up until 5 days ago. I mean — who lies about that? It’s beyond weird and really rubbed Sarah the wrong way too, especially since she lost her own nan a few years back and was genuinely hurt.

At one point, Sarah even said she wasn’t sure if she was going to the wedding anymore after hearing about all the lies.

But then the wedding comes around and guess what? Sarah still goes. After all that, she still chose to show up and celebrate someone who had been awful to me and who’s clearly not honest or genuine. It feels like a massive betrayal.

Now I’m left feeling like maybe this is a sign from God and He is removing toxic people from my life for a reason. I recently found out I’m pregnant, and honestly, I just don’t want all this drama in my life anymore. I’m trying to protect my peace and do what’s best for me and my baby.

So AIBU to seriously consider cutting off Sarah for still choosing to be friends with Beth and going to the wedding, despite everything?

If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading!

Appreciate any honest thoughts.

How has she treated her like shit?

And why is she a psycho?!

Sarah has done nothing wrong, she was a maid of honour as a favour, despite having a baby, she was still stepping up and doing Beth a favour.

You dropped out, pushed your way back in and then didn't step up, it makes sense she had higher expectations of you, she was doing you a favour letting you back in.

Sarah did nothing to you at all.

Did you even read the post?

Yes I did read it, and think OP is massively over reacting. What Sarah does is her concern alone.

🚓🚓 Careful people, the thread police are here 🚓🚓

For some reason this story feels a bit like a school maths exam, Hannah’s sweets. Have a great pregnancy, OP, and go with your gut feeling on this one!

You were probably singled out because you flaked around TWICE. First time for valid reasons - yes. But the second time around is pushing it - especially after you asked to be maid of honour again!

Also why are you trying to control your best friend? If she has committed to being the maid of honour - then she probably wants to honour that and not cause further drama.

The issues/drama can be addressed after the wedding.

They say “unalive” because social media picks up on words like “suicide” and blocks them.

No, unless there is more then cutting Sarah off it OTT to do so simply because she went to Beth's wedding. She probably didn't particularly want to go but it is hard to get out of these things and why create more drama?

I would just never ever discuss Beth with her. Beth sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do, Sarah will probably realise that in time. It's not your problem. You're all adults and can have separate relationships with mutual friends/ ex friends.

None of you sound mature enough to be getting married and having children.

It’s a bit pathetic expecting to someone to drop their friend just because you have. I know you said Sarah only knows Beth through you, but she knows her well enough to be asked to be MOH. It’s not like she’s only met her a couple of times.

Sounds like you’d all be better off without each other. They are not friendships by my definition.

I think Sarah's excuse, she'd just had a baby, trumps you getting your life back.on track. Maybe that's how Beth sees it.

What has Sarah done wrong?
The OP will find out how isolating having a baby can be and how you can be to dress up etc. Sarah might have needed that day out. I doubt that she's been any better a friend to Sarah as she has to Beth. I had thee grandads, two bio and the one I considered deserved the title. The OP seems to have main player syndrome. Meanwhile everyone else has their own stuff going on.

Did you mean to reply to me? Sarah has done nothing wrong.

This sounds like some 12 year olds type drama.

factually you ditched out, then bullied your way back in when it suited you, did nothing but cause drama around your friends wedding and got called on it. You are now looking for completely unrelated reasons to blame everyone else for the fact you weren't really being a good friend.

Focus on your own life... like whose your baby dad? the abusive ex or some new guy (you don't have to answer but think about your situations) because you are about to be a mam and say yourself you need to get your life 'back on track'. Unless this is a long engagement (people don't usually sort bridesmaid many years in advance because things change) then you have a lot of shit going on in a short time within your own life and that you should put your energy more into sorting your own life than worrying about stirring up childish 'he said, she said' drama.

It’s not a sign from god it’s a sign that flakiness causes unnecessary drama. Once ok, you were dealing with stuff but after that flakiness is on you.

You’ve been a flaky friend and sound very self involved so really you don’t have a leg to stand on to accuse anyone else, whatever drip feeds come next to justify yourself.

Being controlling and dramatic over what other adults choose to do is a red flag for you not them.

If god had the time to be sending you personally such specific signs over something so trivial rather than, I don’t know, helping starving children in Gaza, their message might be pointing more towards looking at your own toxic traits.

You all need to grow up. There are no healthy friendships in this story.

You all sound like nightmares so I think you should probably stay friends to avoid other (normal) people having to get entangled with you!

Of the 3 of you, Sarah sounds the least awful (although that's not saying much) - the "worst" things she's done are not dump Beth for lying about her nan, which is a decision she's entitled to make herself, and be a bit of a crap maid of honour - the last of which is justified to some degree seeing as she was asked as a last resort and then downgraded once you wanted it back, plus had a new baby!

Beth lying about her nan is weird - I initially wondered why she had to ask some random person she barely knew to be her maid of honour rather than just one of her other bridesmaids/friends but as the story progressed it's fairly clear why she might not have many. However I don't think she was wrong at all in sending that message to her - you really have behaved terribly to her. It's bad enough to drop out of a maid of honour role in the first place, who then has the brass neck to ask for it back? And then once Beth risked upsetting Sarah to give you the job back you let her down again!

You expecting Sarah to dump Beth because she's been "awful" to you is insane.
You sound incredibly narcissistic - most normal people, after receiving that text from Beth (given that everything she said seems to be true) would be feeling guilty and wondering how to apologise and make amends, not that it's unfair and you should be off the hook because Sarah was equally useless! Sarah isn't Beth's closest friend. Sarah didn't sack off the role once, guilt trip to get it back and then do fuck all again!

So you defense is she has trauma from abusive power relationship she was born into in her formative years and couldn't escape as a dependent but you think that 'helping her' (actually your PARENTS helped not you if you where a child) means she now 'owes' you a lifelong debt now.

Then on the flip side you being in an abusive relationship that you entered into yourself as an adult with free will and could (and the key point is 'did') leave makes you the eternal victim in this that they should go out of their way to help and forgive everything you do.

Seems like the double standards and irony is lost on this.

"The plot thickens"??

Alright, calm down Hemmingway.

Not sure what you mean but yes it is ridiculous that grown people want to control who other grown people choose to be friends with 😂.

Honest thoughts are this is AI, chat GBT does that weird overly long hyphen… which is all over your OP @TheNavySwan

Her lying about her nan is bad, but when I was younger I went through a period of telling people I didn’t know my dad because that was easier than saying “oh yhe you know the drunk passed out in the park at 11am? Yhe that’s my dad.” Maybe it’s because they had a difficult relationship. It’s hard to judge because you really don’t know. I’d cut them some slack and just leave it.

From what it says in your OP I think Beth has behaved worse than Sarah, and it's Beth I would be thinking of dropping - but that puts Sarah in a position where she may feel she has to choose between you, and you have to be prepared for the possibility that she might not choose you.

The other possibility is to not officially break friends with either of them, but just step back slightly, not doing any of the running and waiting to see if either of them will make the effort to keep in touch with you. Anyone who does is probably worth hanging on to, especially if you can talk honestly about how recent events have made you feel and come to some agreement about where you go from here.