Let dd(11) shave her hair?

[yestothat]

Dd(11) wants to shave her hair to a buzz cut. Shes slowly gone from hair down to her bum to a bob in the last year which when she got it said she hated it and wanted her long hair back for a couple of weeks but now likes it and has kept it in that style.

the mentioning a buzz cut has been on and off happening for months but she’s always moved on quickly.

As it’s been so hot the last few days the complaining about her hair being sweaty and wanting to shave it has ramped up to almost constantly and I’m tempted to just get dh to do it for her tonight.

Is that reasonable? Would others say no?

school would be fine the only policy is no unnatural colours and long hair having to be tied during sports/ science.

If it's fine for school, then go for it. It will grow back soon enough.

Why not - it’s school holidays soon so if she hates it, it will grow in a bit by next school term.

I had a number 3 cut from 11 - 18 and whilst I did get a lot of ignorant comments about looking like a boy, I look back at the pics now and envy the cheekbones I had and all the time I saved by not having to faff on styling!

See if you can find some sort of AI tool that let's her play with her hairstyle and try them virtually?

It's a no from me. Too drastic. Too unnecessary. And not a decision I'd be comfortable allowing mine (12yo boy and 10yo girl) to make. I still provide guidance on appropriate haircuts / clothing etc.

I missed out my hesitation in the OP.
She’s quite sensitise and would be be the only girl in the year with that short hair.
I’m predicting it’s going to cause nasty comments and that she’s going to get more attention from it than she wants or regret it.

DD had the shortest hair in her school for a while. As long as you talk through the likely consequences, the crap way it grows out, the fact that she will need a hat because of sunburn, and that people will be weird and try to touch it, oh yes and some people only find out they have a weird-shaped head when they shave it, knock yourself out.

I would say… if you still want it the day after school summer term finishes… go for it

I reckon… she won’t

Based on some decisions DS made about things at that age, whose consequences it turned out he’d been too young to think through, no.

If I were you I would ask her to comprise first with a shaved undercut for a couple of weeks. She gets a new shaved style but if she changes her mind it can be hidden, changed and grown out. If she just loves it and is ready for the step after, then shave.

I wouldn’t do a buzz cut. Why not look at modern pixie styles together and book an appointment at a hairdressers for the start of the summer holidays and then she might have changed her mind anyway.

So…. Easy solution

IF you still want it, sure. The day after school term finishes

My DD went from long hair to bob to short hair to pixie between the ages of 12-15. Now at 16 she has finally buzzed it and it looks fantastic, but she needed all the levels in between to get used to being 'different' to her peers - she is also quite sensitive. Wearing it with confidence is key I think. There's a filter on Snapchat to try it out.

Are you talking 11 from Stranger Things? I'd so then I wouldnt

DD went from mid-back length hair to a really short pixie cut with shaved sides when she was 8. She loved it, a few kids at school tried to make comments and she just shut them down with "it's my hair". She decided to grow it out at 10, one year on and it's back down to below her shoulders. She loved it and never said she regretted her decision.

I would be strongly discouraging this....I'd say she can have a very short pixie haircut maybe but just shaving it all off is very drastic. She will massively be drawing attention to herself and in all honesty lots of people will assume she's unwell.

Would you not let your boy either? Ds(8) has had a buzz cut before so it feels unfair to say no to dd but then more than half the boys in his class did too

I'd rather my ds had a fade/styled short hair rather than all over buzz but yes I would be happier for him to have a buzz cut than my DD. Might sound like double standards but we live in a society/culture that would look twice at a girl with a shaved head but not at a boy... therefore it will draw more attention which maybe negative and like I said, connotations with being unwell.

I would let my DD. Is an usual style for a young girl but I think it's quite cool and edgy.

I'd make sure she thought it through but it's just hair and it grows back if she changes her mind.

Weirdly I'd be less happy for my DS to get a buzz cut as people would think he was a thug/chav. I think buzz cuts on boys under 16 look terrible.

You really don’t want the easy solution of simply saying “sure, day 1 of summer holidays” do you?

My dd wanted a "boys" shaved haircut in Yr 6. She begged me and I was really torn about it because half of me knew it was her hair and her choice but the other half was worried she would really regret it in high school.

She has also got very thick hair which would be a nightmare to grow back.

I didn't let her in the end. I said wait until you go to high school and then see how you feel and if youre still sure then we'll talk about it again. She was quite moody about it for a while, but now she says all the time that she's so glad I didn't let her do it because shes very confident in not following trends and standing up to bullying, but she still didn't want to face all the stick she would have got as school. She also loves her long hair now.

I think maybe you should go for a pixie cut done at a proper hairdressers instead for now.

I wouldn't let my ds have a buzz cut either though because I think it looks awful on anyone.

I would, but we live in a very easy going area. Lots of older student girls here with shaved heads too. I think it's a great look.

You're projecting your fears onto her here, she may be more sensitive generally if she can sense you worry about comments.

It is clearly unfair and sexist to say yes to DS but not to DD.

I'd take her for a pixie cut. I wouldn't buzz it because it wint have any shape.

My DD had a pixie cut when she was 8. Would she go for something like that to start with to see if she liked it so short?