Let dd(11) shave her hair?

[yestothat]

Dd(11) wants to shave her hair to a buzz cut. Shes slowly gone from hair down to her bum to a bob in the last year which when she got it said she hated it and wanted her long hair back for a couple of weeks but now likes it and has kept it in that style.

the mentioning a buzz cut has been on and off happening for months but she’s always moved on quickly.

As it’s been so hot the last few days the complaining about her hair being sweaty and wanting to shave it has ramped up to almost constantly and I’m tempted to just get dh to do it for her tonight.

Is that reasonable? Would others say no?

school would be fine the only policy is no unnatural colours and long hair having to be tied during sports/ science.

Its not sexist to recognise that due to sexist stereotypes, girls and boys are treated differently and a boy with a buzz cut will experience a different reaction from a girl. If the OP says no, because she thinks at 11 her DD is too young to fully anticipate what those reactions might be and how she might feel, she will be doing because of sexism, not because she herself is sexist.

Is she year 6 or 7?
Year 6 - I’d let her do it. She’s not going to get much bullying in that environment.
Year 7 - no way. Secondary school is brutal.

Personally I don’t understand why anyone, male or female, would choose such an ugly style.

does it stretch beyond the realms of possibility, for you?

Clearly, or I wouldn't have asked.

She’s 11 and has been mentioning it in and off for months. If she decides to go ahead then I’d be 100% supporting her.

fair enough

Oh I was desperate for an under cut as a teen and I wish I’d done it, but school would have kicked me out and I could have only kept it a few weeks over the school holidays and I would have had to have let it grow back enough before returning.

However, I would be mega pissed if boys are allowed to shave their heads at schools and girls were not, as was the case in my school.

Then let her do it over the school holidays. Then she can limit who she does and doesn’t interact with, or she can try out fun wigs, or wear hats or whatever.

I would let her get a short pixie now and if she likes it and wants it shorter, shave it at the start of summer holidays.
I've had both but growing them out is awful. Just make sure she's aware of that.

Why would you let an 11 year old do that. I wouldn’t let my 12 year old son get a buzz cut.

I would allow it but not until the school holidays. If you were feeling particularly evil you could attach some conditions re exam performance...

Hair does make you sweaty but it also protects your delicate scalp from sunburn, so she needs to be very careful if she goes ahead with it.

Exam performance for an 11 year old?!

Is she y6 or 7? If she is y7 i would tell her to wait until the last day of school and take her to the hairdresser as a treat to buzz it all off.

If she is y6 I would do everything I could to get her through y7 and then let her decide as she may find the comments from older kids too much.

If she is in y7 she will understand the risks of bullying in secondary (though she may not understand what it will really look like and might appreciate the six weeks to grow it a bit.)

She obviously won't look "unwell" as another poster said, do boys look ill?! But she might get comments from people asking if she's trans now etc

*I'd be worried about her looking like a skinhead tbh

It’s her hair why not, at least it will grow back if she hates it.
But as PP have said maybe suggest a short cut first so she can see if she likes it short, if she does then she can shave it.
Also if you would let your DS and school allow that style then you can’t really say no to DD.

My dd completely shaved her head during COVID, aged 12.
She absolutely rocked it and has kept it short since.
She always gets mistaken for a boy, not helped by her androgynous figure.
She has got to the point, at 18, where she doesn't bother correcting people if it is a brief encounter with them.
I can always spot her in a crowd, unlike her sister who looked like every other girl coming out of school.

I admire my dd's 'no fucks given' attitude and that she isn't a sheep just to fit in with societal norms.

I have always wanted to do it . Never been brave enough. Plus I dont have the face shape for it .
Now is probably a good time as nearly summer holidays.
But as others have said maybe take her to get a pixie cut first and see if she likes that

Too drastic. I would see if you can get a bald cap/wig (a professional standard one!) online before allowing the chop.

a buzz cut will not have grown much in 6 weeks. It will still be extremely short.

i was bullied in school and while i never want to pander to bullies, she will probably be the subject of much gossip/ people thinking she may have cancer if she does this. Sorry but that’s just how it is.

God forbid she doesn’t get enough “appreciative comments” on her looks

If she is eighteen and she looks androgynous/ has a flat chest and no hips/ squarer jawline it may be worth taking her to the doctor just to make sure her hormones are ok. I’ve never known anyone to get mixed up unless they are wearing a chest binder.

Yes kids can be mean, but learning to be yourself and do what is true to you is way more important than not doing those things to fit in.

I find that kids who want to do these fun things are often a lot more comfortable with their choices than those who make them out of fear.

It would be a definite no from me.

Her lack of confidence will be obvious to the rest
of the kids. That will cause more negative attention than if she oozes confidence.

as she’s 11, there is a good chance she is going up to secondary school in September.

id say yes to it but make sure she’s aware that she’s going to be meeting a lot of new people in a few months and we all know how brutal that can be.

my DD was pretty alternative and had short bleached hair when every single other girl had long straightened hair. It was ok but it definitely set her aside from the others.

Don't be so ridiculous!!
She is all woman but people are so used to seeing girls with long hair that they think she is a boy.

I too had a bleach blonde buzz cut when I was in my late teens/twenties. I was frequently mistaken for a boy, not helped that I worked in a male dominated industry (as does she), I was the only female employee.

I find your response pretty insulting actually and indicative of the people who are that fucking short sighted in their views that they think she is a boy!!

There are plenty of women with short hair who look like women and not androgynous