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Original poster

Affair reveal - how to tell him?

106 replies

Accidentalotherwoman · 21/06/2025 00:18

Just found out that I have been the OW via DP’s wife. She’s not blaming me but we are trying to think of how to tell him we know.

DP hates confrontations and would normally just walk out to avoid it.

How do we tell him?

OP posts:
Auroraloves · 21/06/2025 00:19

Go to his work together

geekone · 21/06/2025 00:20

You go and sit in there living room with her and wait for him coming home then you both say F.R.O 🖕🏻and hand him all his stuff then you no longer ever engage

SwanRivers · 21/06/2025 00:21

His wife should just tell him and then sort out what she wants to do about it.

tellmesomethingtrue · 21/06/2025 00:22

Cut all ties with him and let the wife tell him.

slipperypenguin · 21/06/2025 00:23

Don’t get involved any further. Walk away and let her deal with the next stop. A dramatic reveal isn’t going to help you heal

Moveoverdarlin · 21/06/2025 00:28

Step aside now and let this couple deal with it. I would tell the wife you want no part in their marriage and how it ends. Apologise for any hurt you have caused, albeit unintentionally and walk away.

Original poster
Accidentalotherwoman · 21/06/2025 00:34

Wife is after a big reveal, and I feel she deserves that if she wants it….

OP posts:
SwanRivers · 21/06/2025 00:42

It all sounds a bit fucked up to be honest.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/06/2025 00:43

Accidentalotherwoman · 21/06/2025 00:34

Wife is after a big reveal, and I feel she deserves that if she wants it….

I strongly advise against doing this until she's spoken with a lawyer

MsDDxx · 21/06/2025 00:45

SwanRivers · 21/06/2025 00:21

His wife should just tell him and then sort out what she wants to do about it.

This - it’s her problem now.

Don’t be part of her revenge plans. Just walk away. She’ll probably take him back anyway.

Poppyseeds79 · 21/06/2025 00:51

I wouldn't get dragged into that mess at all. You honestly have no idea how either she or him will react at this 'big reveal'. And who'd want to be stuck there if it all kicks right off? 🙄

Sashya · 21/06/2025 00:54

How long have you dated him? And how did he manage to hide having a wife?

Jellycatspyjamas · 21/06/2025 00:57

Accidentalotherwoman · 21/06/2025 00:34

Wife is after a big reveal, and I feel she deserves that if she wants it….

She can do a “big reveal” in whatever way she chooses, you’ve been inserted into their marriage quite enough. Time to step away and let them get on with it.

RawBloomers · 21/06/2025 01:19

On another thread a poster described a friend’s “reveal” where the husband came home to find his wife and mistress sitting in the kitchen drinking tea and laughing together. I can see how that could be satisfying (possibly for both of you). Especially if she has her ducks in a row and hands him the divorce papers and his stuff bagged up.

But the trouble with reveals like this is they may not go as planned. He might become violent, or just shake his head and refuse to engage (or leave). She may change in the stress of it all and turn on you as well as him. It’s very unpredictable.

Best advice for her would be to keep her cards close to her chest. You end things on your side and block on all platforms. She sees a solicitor. Gets everything arranged. And then just tell him it’s over. You could give her a channel to stay in touch so you can confirm anything she tells him about knowing about you if you want to. But you are a victim too in this. You don’t have to put yourself in a hugely uncomfortable situation if you don’t want to.

Painrelief · 21/06/2025 01:28

The older I get the less I want to involve myself in other people’s drama . I would just want to let them carry on coz I wouldn’t want to be dragged into it . Tell him you’re done and hold your head high .

Lardychops · 21/06/2025 01:32

Walk away and let the DW deal with his revolting behaviour.

if you really had no idea I imagine you are devasted and for that I’m truly sorry.

Work on healing yourself and let the cheating twat face the music with his DW in however she sees fit.

He will soon be aware she knows about you one way or another, you don’t need to be part of that and certainly don’t need to be there. I mean think about it seriously - how nuts would that be.

Focus on yourself as you have been cheated too.

And watch out next time for married lying dickheads who tell tall tales

All the best x

Aur0raAustralis · 21/06/2025 01:34

What long-term outcome does she want, beyond the big reveal? I can see why she wants this emotionally but as PP have said, it may go badly. She needs to think about what she wants in the long run and the best way to achieve this.

There was another story on here about a woman who found out her husband was cheating. She didn't do a big reveal, just said she wanted to divorce, played it all amicably so she got the settlement she wanted, but kept a good relationship to the point where they agreed to send a joint email to their friends and family explaining they were divorcing. Then she edited the email before sending to add that they were divorcing because of his affair.

That wife thought about what she wanted and resisted the temptation for short-term satisfaction - but still got her reveal in the end.

Lardychops · 21/06/2025 01:37

RawBloomers · 21/06/2025 01:19

On another thread a poster described a friend’s “reveal” where the husband came home to find his wife and mistress sitting in the kitchen drinking tea and laughing together. I can see how that could be satisfying (possibly for both of you). Especially if she has her ducks in a row and hands him the divorce papers and his stuff bagged up.

But the trouble with reveals like this is they may not go as planned. He might become violent, or just shake his head and refuse to engage (or leave). She may change in the stress of it all and turn on you as well as him. It’s very unpredictable.

Best advice for her would be to keep her cards close to her chest. You end things on your side and block on all platforms. She sees a solicitor. Gets everything arranged. And then just tell him it’s over. You could give her a channel to stay in touch so you can confirm anything she tells him about knowing about you if you want to. But you are a victim too in this. You don’t have to put yourself in a hugely uncomfortable situation if you don’t want to.

I can imagine for that OW the moment the ‘reveal’ was over, and orchestrated dramatic effect achieved in a matter of moments, both the DW and the cheating DH would want the OW as far away from the kitchen table situation as possible. As in can you get out now please , you are surplus to requirements, get your coat and shut the door on your way out.

Utterly humiliating

CheekyBeaker · 21/06/2025 02:01

Maybe get a cake made and iced so that, when you cut into it, the words "you cheating twat" are baked into the sponge?

Idk, I've never been to one of the reveal parties.

Ponderingwindow · 21/06/2025 02:05

If the wife is planning to end the marriage, I suggest the big reveal be that he comes home to an empty house. She can take her time and work with her solicitor to get the divorce set up and find a new place to live. Then one day while he is out she just leaves. No chance for him to throw a fit.

RawBloomers · 21/06/2025 02:16

Lardychops · 21/06/2025 01:37

I can imagine for that OW the moment the ‘reveal’ was over, and orchestrated dramatic effect achieved in a matter of moments, both the DW and the cheating DH would want the OW as far away from the kitchen table situation as possible. As in can you get out now please , you are surplus to requirements, get your coat and shut the door on your way out.

Utterly humiliating

Show quote history

Yes, that’s another risk.

Yazzi · 21/06/2025 02:21

My friend was an accidental OW, there were actually 2 other OW as well! She was the first discovered and her and the wife made a WhatsApp group and found the other two and they all confronted him together.

They're all friends to this day (must be about 6+ years ago now), and have a lunch together on their reveal anniversary! Bonded over their shared scumbag, we love to see it.

PollyBell · 21/06/2025 02:27

Why would you give him any more of your thoughts and head space? Do you really think doing something would actually be beneficial to anyone?

Yazzi · 21/06/2025 02:32

PS shes a high school friend from years ago, I only know this because she did a Facebook caption explaining the origins of the friendship on a picture of the third anniversary lunch so sadly I don't know many more details that that!

ttcat37 · 21/06/2025 03:40

I probably wouldn’t want to be involved in some theatrical reveal that will be thoroughly anticlimactic for both of you where you’ll be left with a devastated crying wife who wishes to trauma bond with you whilst you want to get the fuck out of there.

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