Affair reveal - how to tell him?

[Accidentalotherwoman]

Just found out that I have been the OW via DP’s wife. She’s not blaming me but we are trying to think of how to tell him we know.

DP hates confrontations and would normally just walk out to avoid it.

How do we tell him?

She might want to publicly humiliate you, it could all be a trap.

If not, as PPs have said the situation could turn on a dime and end badly.

She is probably not engaging with all her feelings yet and neither are you. You have been betrayed but probably feel guilty. You don't need to this for her.

This will all go horribly wrong. Give her what she needs in terms of any screenshots or if you’d be willing to testify in a divorce court. If she wants to do a big reveal she can do so on her own without you.

You have been involved in their marriage for long enough, just stop now.
And maybe stop referring to him as "DP"

Buy 2 fake positive pregnancy tests. Both message him at the same time with a photo of the test.
Both ask to meet up with him to discuss.. Likely he will meet the dw. But you arrive a little later..

Brilliant!

DP? not boyfriend? How long have you been together and how serious was it? did you live together?

I would walk away and let DW deal with it how she sees fit!

How can OP have been ‘involved in their marriage’ if she didn’t know he was married ?

I really don’t think it warrants further explanation. OP refers to him as DP - standard on MN for someone who is not your husband. OP’s DP is married. OP didn’t know. Wife has found out about OP and wants her to help confront him. Why would she do that if they were separated - it would be none of her business.

She does now though.
I am not criticising her actions up until this point but now she does know she should keep out of it

I’m glad it’s clear to all of you. It’s not to me. Because when people say DP, it’s more than just a date or even “boyfriend”. It implies a certain level of seriousness up to living with each other. I don’t know how one’s serious DP can be actively married. She didn’t say how long she’s been with this person or if they live together etc so I’m kind of surprised

This isnt a soap.

I feel awful for you both but you can walk away so you should.

Let her sort out how to deal with their stuff if she wants to divorce him she will have to sort that out. Best of luck to you both

Why are you entertaining drama? Just remove yourself from it all.

The pair of you sitting in his kitchen having a coffee upon his return.

That is amazing. I couldn’t have held it together that long, kudos to her.

That also is amazing.

Maybe: She collects him from work and when he is safely in the car and on the motorway you pop your head up from the back seat and say “Hello Dave, fancy meeting you here.”

Then you put him out at the next services and tell him his crap is in the boot.

I’m not saying this is a good idea but I know someone who DH was cheating so she waited for him to come home, confronted him about it, he initially denied everything etc and then the OW jumped out from her hiding spot behind the door, they then teamed up to throw his stuff out on the street. Could easily have gone pear shaped for them but as it happens it was apparently very satisfying.

I wanted a big reveal of my 4th pregnancy but my mum died before I told her and everyone found out anyway

Stay well out of any big reveal.

Don't demean yourself by doing this OP. All you will be doing, is providing entertaining material for his colleagues to gossip about.

DONT

The risk of her being high emotions and turning on you is too great

Both mention this lovely lady you met in Asda or something, got in like a house on fire, had a coffee and exchanged numbers. Never known anything like it, it was like you'd known her for years!
Then friend each other on socials and watch him crap himself that you just randomly met and he's going to be found out.

Same here - very wise advice.

God, don't involve yourself in this at all. I understand the wife is upset, as I'm sure you are but this is drama you don't need. She could easily gang up on you and her husband! I appreciate you didn't know your partner is married, but now you do. Walk away and let her deal with her cheating husband.

One that an OW- aware or not of her role in the whole shit show - should keep as well way from as is humanly possible.