Affair reveal - how to tell him?

[Accidentalotherwoman]

Just found out that I have been the OW via DP’s wife. She’s not blaming me but we are trying to think of how to tell him we know.

DP hates confrontations and would normally just walk out to avoid it.

How do we tell him?

Agreed, they are not in Eastenders. If wife asks for screenshots send them, otherwise block and ignore them both.

Oh and OP get an STI test, you probably aren’t the only one he’s slept with.

What would be 100 times better than a reveal would be for him to not understand what going on. She needs to gt ducks in a row wvidenfe of all finances and have divorce proceedings ready. U go radio silent on him, she ups and leaves. Or u go radio silent, break up if needed he will want consoling she can be distant and cold and divorce papers at the ready. Or another idea play him along u both start chatting about how u met a woman in some class or put shopping etc got talking u and her partner are like two peas in a pod we've exchanged numbers and got talking I've organized dinner for her and her husband her names (his wife's name) watch him squirm. Either way this rat to be honest I dont think would care about a "big reveal" hes stringing u both along showing he has no feelings or empathy so the only way you can both target him is financially

As if it isn’t humiliating enough without playing any more part in their dishonest relationship. A big reveal is making fun of a very serious issue and it won’t end well for you. It’s their issue to sort out, not yours.
Your relationship with him was over the second you found out you were played by him. Have no more to do with them. You are the outsider. You can’t trust him to have your back and they may both turn on you.

Take time well away from them to reflect privately and get over the shock.
Walk right away now, with as much dignity and as little drama as possible. Keep your business to yourself.

Remember it’s none of your business how they go forward now.
Don’t allow yourself to be dragged into any of their aftermath problems as you would never come out of it looking good.
He has used you now she wants to use you too. There’s no way it could end well for you OP if you allow yourself to play a part in her revenge drama. Being the OW can never be a glorified part.

You owe them nothing but privacy and respect to sort it out how they want, that’s between them.
Don’t get caught up in any of it.
Be thankful that you now know and are no longer the OW.
It’s over.
Put it all behind you. No seedy reveal for you.

The wife is just using you, don't be daft and get sucked into the drama.

Distance yourself from her and him. Dont forget she can turn on you in anger at any stage. There's probably an adrenaline rush at the moment but that can change,

I'd keep my dignity rather than playing out some grubby reveal scene because his wife wants to shock her straying husband. There is nothing uplifting for you in going along with this scheme. Just block him on everything and move on. Personally, when I was single I always asked on the first date if they were married and whether they had any children and I can say the answers were sometimes illuminating.

You are insane to even think about being involved in the DW's theatrics. Walk away with your dignity intact. You have just played a part in destroying her marriage, what do you hope to gain here?
You call him DP, which usually denotes a significant relationship (often cohabiting), more than simply a BF/GF. Did you really not suspect in all that time?
I have access to my significant other whenever I need to, at work, evenings, weekends, Birthdays, Christmas, etc. I'd be surprised if the DW doesn't at least hold some resentment, believing you've known or suspected, if you class yourself as his partner and have been together for any length of time. .

I like this

Give her the information she needs to 'prove' his infidelity but don't get drawn into some big showdown. It's not your marriage and you're just going to get hurt more. He will obviously flee if he can but otherwise he's likely to say you pursued him/the affair meant nothing/he was never going to leave her for you etc.

I bet he loves this and gets more kicks from it than anyone else tbh

I’d imagine he’ll turn on you if you’re there for a big reveal - he’ll assume you told his wife, he’ll try to play down your relationship, he’ll do whatever it takes to convince his wife that you mean nothing to him. I’d hope not but he could even get violent towards you. You might think you know him well enough to know how he’d react, but you didn’t even know he was married.

Think about what you really want, and kindly let the wife know that you’ll support in terms of providing evidence, but you don’t want anything more to do with it.

Ergh. This all sounds so desperate and cheap. I would not be getting involved in this. His wife needs to find some more dignity!

As this is your actual real life and not an episode of Desperate Housewives you have no responsibility to play any part in a ‘big reveal’ which could go all kinds of sideways. As others have said cut your losses and move on.

Have nothing to do with this
the wife is not your ally she’s using you for revenge
this will all explode probably wants you both together then she can rip into the pair of you she’ll be setting you up as well as him

His wife gets revenge…But what do you honestly get? The wife may be able to gain financial compensation in a possible divorce….IF she divorces him, but you get nothing. A few moments of listening to the pair of them scream at each other? Also, there is a real risk of things turning on YOU in this reveal. What if he spins it? Or what if he loses his temper? What if she has other people there and is just setting a trap? 99% of the time the husband will have no intention of leaving their wives and see any OW as just fun on the side, so he will be begging her and angry solely at you. I dont see what you can get out of this but I can see significant risk. Walk, wish good luck to his wife but have no part in this - my advice anyway.

Walk away from this fast, It is no good for you and might turn very nasty very quickly. You are being used - AGAIN!

Why would he? I genuinely don’t understand why on earth he would love the women that he was manipulating, finding their humour, strength and connection together, without him in the picture.

So what though? If she made some good friends who supported each other through a situation that they all experienced. What does it matter what he thinks?

Great advice. Take heed, OP. Good luck.

What big reveal? He knows he’s having an affair.

A confrontation with the both of you is the wife’s dramatic pick me dance, she wants him to beg forgiveness and him to put you in your place. Don’t fall for it.

Don't do it OP. It won't go how you expect it to. For all you know, the wife could turn on you (even though she appears friendly now) or the husband could turn nasty. Walk away with your head held high. You don't owe the wife anything.

You stay out of it and walk away. You’re the side piece, it’s not your marriage

Cut ties and don’t get involved. Going to his work is a stupid idea.Last thing his wife should be doing is wrecking his career and leaving them with financial problems alongside a divorce.

She may not blame you now but that may change. I would distance myself and not contact either of them again.

Maybe just a selfie of the two of you together, that she can show him?

I'd leave it at that.

Are there kids involved?